Statutory rape and semi prostitution
So, this story takes place in 1996, when I was almost 17. I lived with my mum and sister in a terraced house. Next to ours was a 36 year old divorcee and her demon spawn child (cut up the tires of my mum´s car he did!).

It was a saturday night, and I had just come home from a night out, completely wasted, staggered out of the taxi and promptly fell down into the snow. When I look up I see my neighbour standing in her doorway laughing at my graceful exit from the cab. I shake the snow from my clothes and out my nose in the manliest of fashions and it seemed to impress her because she asked me to come inside.

Once inside I see she has company: A guy she´d apparently been screwing for a while and her mother! So I sit down and have a glass of wine with them. At one point I excuse myself to go to the bathroom, and somehow forgot to lock because in midpee my neighbour walks in and says quite frankly that she´s randy and wants me to take care of that.

I review the situation in my head:
I´m a 17yr old virgin, basically an erection with a central nervous system.
She´s drunk and obviously desperate and crazy - which suits me fine.
She may not be the prettiest woman alive, but neither the ugliest.

So basically, despite her esteemed guests, we go to her bedroom and make monkey noises for two whole minutes, because that´s just how awesome I was.

Now things started to get a bit weird (normality as a whole took a day off that evening). As I am putting my clothes on she asks: "how much?"
And before I manage to come up with a Bond-esque retort she goes into her dresser, grabs a handful of jewelery and puts it in my pocket, telling me that should be enough for my crack habit.
This prompted me to make a quick exit (without the jewelery, of course), and as I open the door I am greeted with her aforementioned guests, her mum telling me that it´s "time for me to leave". And I did.

Probably scarred me and that poor woman for a while after, but makes a great "losing virginity" story.
(snordfjord Cranky...like a crank!, Sun 7 Dec 2008, 20:31, 3 replies)

.
That gets a *click* for the whole WTF-ness of it all.
( speedyballbangpots, Sun 7 Dec 2008, 22:12, closed)

^^
What shed said.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 8:36, closed)

*clicks and roffles*
'monkey noises for 2 whole minutes because that's just how awesome i was'. :D
( gypsy turnips, Tue 9 Dec 2008, 1:32, closed)