Condoms..
Yeah I know they stop AIDS and babies etc, but wearing one is like getting in the bath with yer socks on.
(frightfullybored, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 14:21, 26 replies)

Missing the point, chauvinistic and unoriginal.
Hat trick.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 14:27, closed)

Hahahaha

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 14:33, closed)

fantastic

(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 14:34, closed)

Chauvinistic you say??..If it's PC you want,then join the Socialist party.
(frightfullybored, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:53, closed)

To be honest
I took more umbrage at the fact that you think that was vaguely amusing or original. But if you like recycling Jim Davidson jokes from 1982 then all power to you.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:56, closed)

Good thing you'll never actually have sex then, eh?

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 14:28, closed)

Like getting in a bath?
Bit slack, is she?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 14:48, closed)

Like showering with a mac on you mean.

( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Thu 29 Sep 2011, 14:59, closed)

Incontinent, is she?

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:07, closed)

I don't think they'd repair THAT at the Genius Bar.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Sat 1 Oct 2011, 17:46, closed)

They're not supposed to go on your feet

(leviticus no longer likes the cut of your gib on, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:09, closed)

It's a shame your parents thought the same way

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:35, closed)

Well its nice to see that the self righteous and sanctimonious are alive and well and still blowing smoke up their own arses
(frightfullybored, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:50, closed)

Aw, bless your little heart
You remind me of my flatmate. He had a similar attitude towards the little pink anorak until one day - after shagging a particularly ropey French bird - he was diagnosed with HPV and chlamydia. Chlamydia you can cure with antibiotics, but each of the 100+ warts that sprouted all over his cock and balls had to be frozen off with an injection of liquid nitrogen at its base. All without anaesthetic. Now *that* was a magnificent time to be smug and self righteous.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 16:28, closed)

i hope you nicknamed him cauliflower cock

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 16:46, closed)

Haha, we called him far worse than that
Especially about a month later, after his bits had all healed up and he'd stopped punching himself repeatedly in the head, when he didn't come home from a party one night. The next day we went to lunch with some friends and he regaled us all with the story of how he'd pulled some Peruvian chick straight off the boat. In his own words: "I even put it in her ass, and the best thing - I didn't have to use a condom!"
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 16:51, closed)

I'd rather read the "self righteous and sanctimonious" than the "unoriginal, unfunny and a bit of a twat"
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 17:04, closed)

Either be monogamous and get the snip, or sleep around use a condom, like caring blokes do
...or don't get shagged by any woman who isn't completely desperate. Simple.
(IHateSprouts is baking a huge pie shaped like an enormous pie, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 16:02, closed)

This is excellent!

A flat statement about the "feel" of condoms suddenly has me pegged as a hedonistic ne'er do well who doesn't use em..Condoms to me are by definition a useless gadget..I enjoyed the one about the bloke with penile warts and Chlamydia..serves him right for fucking a walking Petri dish.
(frightfullybored, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 17:18, closed)

For the record,
that's not how it lead me to peg you (oh christ, that's a grim image).

I now just have you down as lacking any wit or originality.

Hope that clears things up.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 17:32, closed)

"Condoms.. Yeah I know they stop AIDS and babies etc"
followed by

"Condoms to me are by definition a useless gadget"

So, er ... are we to take it that you actively WANT AIDS and babies?

As for your commentary on the guy being served right "for fucking a walking Petri dish" do share the means by which you extract the truthful sexual history of each of the people you sleep with.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 17:34, closed)

well if yer in doubt, bag it before you shag it chum..
(frightfullybored, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 17:45, closed)

Game over, man.
Game over.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 18:00, closed)

bag it with what?
one of those crap, pointless condoms?

boy, you're a genius at this aren't you?
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 30 Sep 2011, 8:44, closed)

don't worry though
you've dealt with the whole thing brilliantly.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 30 Sep 2011, 8:38, closed)

Well first off it's not really a "flat statement", it's an analogy
Not only that, it's an analogy that's so tired, laboured and hoary that I remember it being used as a vox pops on That's Life! twenty-odd years ago.

Not only that, but it's a fucking stupid analogy in the first place, because unless your socks differ largely in construction to mine, they're not skin-tight and waterproof. Mine are in fact rather porous, and allow the water through them, meaning that if I were to get in the bath with my socks on, my feet would get wet. As getting your feet wet is one of the expected outcomes of the whole bathing process, it doesn't really detract from the experience. Imagine if you were in the bath and the flannel came to rest on one of your feet - it would more or less be like that. Now those verucca socks that scabby kids at school had to wear before they got in the swimming pool, that might be a better analogy. Because they're, y'know, made of rubber and intended to prevent the spread of disease and all. Or wearing marigolds to do the washing up. Or surgeons who wear those skin-tight rubber gloves to prevent infection when they're performing a triple bypass. I bet they hate the "feel" of those too, eh?
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 30 Sep 2011, 9:26, closed)