My mum's a paranoid schizophrenic...
..no really she is.

We're always having a laugh.

This is how schizo brain works;

I visit, she says I look a little tired -"Yes, I've been working hard" I reply...Two weeks pass, during which time she's been working out the REAL reason for my tiredness.

So at some point I'll visit and she'll put on her mad face -slight frown, staring eyes, resolute pursed lips- and tell me she knows.

She knows I've been hiding in the tree outside her bedroom window spraying her with poison while she sleeps.

I'll start to gently dismantle this particular psychosis, and she'll be explaining why she knows I'm trying to kill her.

I know when I'm getting through to her, coz she'll give me some tea and cake. Then as I'm leaving she'll squeeze my arm and give me a hug, momentarily like a real mum, and tell me "I know you wouldn't do anything to hurt me (success!), it must have been your brother" (oh shitcrap).

.

Edit - Oh and my uncle who drilled a hole in his head to let the evil out, surprisingly common apparently. And another uncle who jumped in a harbour, fully clothed, looked up at his friends, said "come on in the water's lovely" and promptly drowned...what with it being the Outer Hebrides in winter the water was not conducive to life.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Fri 6 Jul 2007, 7:44, Reply)