I went to a wedding this weekend
The groom and I have had long discussions about the mentalness of our respective mothers, both of us convinced that ours was the battiest. So I was quite looking forward to the fir cone hoarding (they're all important, apparently) woman and being able to say, 'Aha, I win, your mother is plainly normal and mine, mine is bonkers.'

It was not to be.

I arrived at said groom's mother's house with a friend to help set up, make sandwiches, sort drinks for the next day, and within seconds of the introduction, I found myself, cheese grater in hand, being told quite conspiratorially, with appropriately Hyacinth Bucket gesticulations of the head, that groom's mother had bought 'some things, you know dear, some of the old fashioned things, and some of the new ones, just in case any of you girls need anything. Of course, I don't need them, not at my age, not since a long time ago, but you never know, do you...' And onwards in the same vein for about five minutes.

In front of me on the worktop where (making sarnies and all) I'd hoped to see bread, butter, cheese... were a packet of Kotex and a box of Tampax...

You know those moments where you just can't stop laughing, no matter what, if fizzes up like an F1 winner's Champagne, and you can't choke it back...? You're shaking and almost dribbling, uncontrollable. This is probably the craziest bit - she never even noticed, just carried on talking to me about 'things' while I tried to grate cheese while my whole body rocked with laughter.

After she left the room, I managed to look at the groom, similarly convulsed, and we exchanged a glance - it was very clear he'd won.
(ancrenne panting hard every day, Tue 10 Jul 2007, 13:33, closed)