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This is a question Dates Gone Wrong

Ever gone on a date when "she" turned out to be a male university lecturer in his 50s who tucked his shirt into his Y-fronts? No, me neither. Tell us how it all went shit-faced.

(, Thu 4 Sep 2014, 13:13)
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I shat myself on the Central line
I never discovered what the underlying cause was. Norovirus, food poisoning - who knows. Not that it matters.

The train was quite busy and so I thought anonymity would be the perfect cover for a cheeky fart. But no - fuck. All was not right with the world. I glanced at the map in a panic, trying to figure out where we were - I could jump off at the next station, pop to Marks buy a 3-pack of briefs and be good to go again. It wasn't to be though. As I moved towards the door, the feel of my trousers against my legs told me the situation was far worse than I had previously hoped. Time to call a full retreat.

I sent her a text saying there had been some family emergency - and we didn't meet up again. At least on the way home I had the whole carriage to myself.
(, Mon 8 Sep 2014, 10:02, closed)
I am voting for this on the principle that you can never have too many 'shat myself' stories.

(, Mon 8 Sep 2014, 10:30, closed)
Is that what your mummy tells you
To make you stop crying every time 'it' happens?
(, Mon 8 Sep 2014, 10:39, closed)
imagine I'd posted a crudely 'shopped picture of ab in a nappy here.

(, Mon 8 Sep 2014, 10:51, closed)
Imagine me
Fapping myself raw to it.

Then clean your mind out with bleach & water, you scabrous flibbertigibbet.

This is how I flirt.
(, Mon 8 Sep 2014, 11:31, closed)
Aside from this bit
I sent her a text saying there had been some family emergency - and we didn't meet up again
I'm not getting where this has been a bad date. All in all a somewhat too brief version of a Pooflake story tbh.
-2 Fatbelms.
(, Mon 8 Sep 2014, 11:21, closed)
Dates Gone Wrong
I was on my way to a date. This was heavily implied in the story.

Maybe I should have posted a depressingly dull and imbecilic pun written by my 8 year old Down's syndrome cousin instead.
(, Mon 8 Sep 2014, 11:30, closed)

(, Mon 8 Sep 2014, 12:05, closed)
By your dreary and feeble trolling?
A bit, yes, if I'm perfectly honest.
(, Mon 8 Sep 2014, 12:25, closed)
Can't post this as it was definitely a good date - even though it contains shitting myself

I was plying my charms to a young lady, trying to sparkle with wit (rather than drip with horny desperation). Suddenly, my guts announced that in the very near future, an extended session in the toilet was going to be necessary. Very, very near future. Like a future measured in minutes, possibly seconds.

So, in the middle of a sentence, probably even a word, I jumped up and announced that I had to go. Luckily I was just a couple of blocks from home, which I made in the worlds fastest time for the knees-and-buttocks-clenched sprint, all the while moaning like a moose with it's dick frozen to a lake.

The next few hours are ones I don't care to reflect upon. Eventually I emerged, white and shattered, and crawled into bed. In the morning I had a bath, and just as I'd reached "human" again, the doorbell went. There was the young lady; baffled and intrigued by my sudden departure, she'd decided to see what had happened, and if it was her fault. In short order we ended up in bed; it's entirely possible that, without explosive diarrhoea, I'd never have succeeded.

I like to think (or at least hope) that it was the only time in history that the raging squits has been used as a seduction technique.
(, Mon 8 Sep 2014, 11:29, closed)
"Ah'm gaunny shite in your mooth, Boab Coyle!"

(, Mon 8 Sep 2014, 13:46, closed)
Hello Swip.....waitaminute

(, Mon 8 Sep 2014, 13:37, closed)
Ive often pondered how nasty a place
the underground would quickly become if i was to get ill quickly.

Just nightmarish.

You can have 10 man points for effort. well done
(, Mon 8 Sep 2014, 23:41, closed)

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