"I really, REALLY need a shit"
Maybe it was sympathy...

There was this drop dead stunner that I'd been after for ages and she finally agreed to go out with me after weeks of pestering. A few days before we were due to meet at the swankiest bar in town I came down with a chest infection so shot myself down the doc's quick smart in hope of a speedy recovery. If you've ever had a chest infection you'll know that the prescription remedy is Amoxycilin. You'll also know that the side effect of said medicine is the worst case of diahorrea imaginable. I made a point of not eating anything before we met and, since i got there first, grabbed a table within a quick dash of the lavs. Just in case.
She turned up looking stunning and as I stood up to kiss her on the cheek I felt some worrying rumblings down below. Not wanting to start the date with "Excuse me a sec, I just need to pop to the loo". I ignore it as best I can and nip to the bar to get her a drink. The rumblings had turned into cramps by now and it must have been affecting my walk. I do the "I really need the toilet" walk back to the table and sit down. We get chatting and, aside from my liquefied guts trying to explode out of my ass, the date's going pretty well. Then the most painful cramps in the world hit my stomach and double me over at the table. She asks if I'm okay and all I can manage is a red-faced "NNNNGHHHH!!!" as I battle against the date ending in a trouser-full of brown slop. The pain's unbearable, I can barely move. She asks if I need help and I muster all my strength, haul myself to my feet and proclaim "I'm fine. I just really, REALLY need a shit" and bolt for the lavs. I return red-faced a while later and she's there giggling. I've never been so embarrassed in my life but she turns my world by saying it's the funniest date she's ever been on.

Two years later and she's still Mrs. Jimlad. :o)
(R. Jimlad twitter.com/sirmarkymark, Fri 22 Oct 2004, 13:47, Reply)