Today, Matthew, I am going to be a murderer
And it's not all fun, fun, fun kids.

I shall no doubt get shredded in the process, but remain alive, while the victims will drop off and crunch underfoot..

I have to try and get flea killer/sheep dip onto the back of my struggling 5 kilo cat. On my own.

I like my skin as it is. Unbroken :(
( ancrenne doesn't eat anything that can play video games, Mon 3 Mar 2008, 15:41, closed)

Sympathies..
.
been there, done that!
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Mon 3 Mar 2008, 15:43, closed)

Zip-Cuffs or....
Smarties Tubes .... don't you read the top tips QOTW?? :)
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed turned your mother down, Mon 3 Mar 2008, 15:48, closed)

@Humpty
I do, but I must have missed them.

I presume the zip cuff is for me, the smartie tube for the cat? Getting the smartie tube onto the cat would, I fear, be an ordeal in itself...

His brother is so placid but this one - made of ALL of the pointy.
( ancrenne doesn't eat anything that can play video games, Mon 3 Mar 2008, 15:52, closed)

"pointy cat" =)
love the image.

Nope... the zip-cuff could be for kitty. Zip-tie the front scratchers and rear scratcher together, , then link all with one Zip-tie.

sorted.

Loop a length of string between the legs as a handle, and dip Kitty. =)
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed turned your mother down, Mon 3 Mar 2008, 15:54, closed)

Ahem!
You've got trillion of friends/neighbours - get one of them in to help.
( big-girl's-blouse wants a spanging pan for christmas, Mon 3 Mar 2008, 15:56, closed)

@Humpty
If you are ever in Southampton, you have an open invite to my house to meet my cat Mushroom. I would pay good, bad and even stolen money to see you try that!

Hehe - he is most pointy :)
( ancrenne doesn't eat anything that can play video games, Mon 3 Mar 2008, 15:56, closed)

Humpty
I'd love to see you try that...
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Mon 3 Mar 2008, 15:56, closed)

@missus BGB
True - but they are all *busy*

They have met my cat ;)
( ancrenne doesn't eat anything that can play video games, Mon 3 Mar 2008, 15:57, closed)

hehe wee witch
snap!
( ancrenne doesn't eat anything that can play video games, Mon 3 Mar 2008, 15:58, closed)

Unfortunately my dear...
I live in Sweden.

right here.

hitta.se/ViewDetailsPlace.aspx?vad=&var=%f6straf%f6rstadsgatan+20&StreetNumberId=100793988

Hit "satelit" at the top for pretty photoish things.
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed turned your mother down, Mon 3 Mar 2008, 16:00, closed)

He can wait
Believe me, he can wait for a long time to sink teeth/claws into a new body.

Edit - ooh.. purty pictures
( ancrenne doesn't eat anything that can play video games, Mon 3 Mar 2008, 16:03, closed)

alternatively...
You could put him in a pillowcase and dip that... =)
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed turned your mother down, Mon 3 Mar 2008, 16:08, closed)

Pfft
All that would achieve would be one shredded pillow case and then one REALLY pissed off cat. And probably quite a lot of (my) blood being splilled.

Shan't do that then.
( ancrenne doesn't eat anything that can play video games, Mon 3 Mar 2008, 16:16, closed)

following on from the kitten/god theory
since you brought up fridges, could you try putting the cat in the fridge for a while to slow it down in a terminator two stylee?
( althegeordie is a bully and a cocksucker, Mon 3 Mar 2008, 16:22, closed)

Fight fire with fire.
Not being a cat person, I think they're sly little bastards. So you have to be one too!

Use the stuff where you only put a little squirt of liquid between their shoulders and do it all sneaky and cool like. The most you'll get is a "What the fuck is that!!??" swipe, not full on kitty rage.
(Greencloud Wanted to go fishing on, Mon 3 Mar 2008, 16:23, closed)

I could get him into the fridge no trouble
There are some leftover tinned tomatoes and he is desperate for them so that might work.

Greencloud - that's the stuff I'm using - it's not as easy as they make out as you've got to sort of part the fur to expose the skin - by which time he's already growling and twisting and turning his body like some barbed wire coated corkscrew.

Thing is, later on, he'll be the soppiest cuddly thing and come and sleep on my head, so I can't be angry at him :)
( ancrenne doesn't eat anything that can play video games, Mon 3 Mar 2008, 16:27, closed)

could you
encourage him to sleep on your head , having already cunningly laced your head with contact adhesive. Once thoroughly stuck to your head you can then apply the flea death chemicals with no danger of swiping.

You would then just wait for the cat to fall asleep before applying the solvent and gently sliding the cat onto a nearby surface.
( althegeordie is a bully and a cocksucker, Mon 3 Mar 2008, 16:36, closed)

I could do
but I have quite ridiculously long hair so I might still find my personage compromised.

Unless I wore some sort of swimming hat.

I think we might be onto something....
( ancrenne doesn't eat anything that can play video games, Mon 3 Mar 2008, 16:42, closed)

little question...
Is that per-chance a Half-Man Half-Biscuit inspired title?
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed turned your mother down, Tue 4 Mar 2008, 6:39, closed)

Humpty
Title for what, the answer?

No.. more a rip off from Mock the Week, themselves ripping off stars in their damned eyes*

*does not deserve capital letters
( ancrenne doesn't eat anything that can play video games, Tue 4 Mar 2008, 9:18, closed)

*click*
Ever read Footrot Flats? The cat Horse springs to mind.
(Grey_Ghost has yet to decide on a sig on, Tue 4 Mar 2008, 9:29, closed)

Horse cat - cat Horse
Thanks for the link - never read it but sounds... familiar....

;)
( ancrenne doesn't eat anything that can play video games, Tue 4 Mar 2008, 9:48, closed)

Tonight Matthew. ...
Half Man Half Biscuit's song: "Tonight Matthew, I'm gonna be with Jesus"

I've been up to no good,
I've been dissed in the hood,
I've been locked in the Rock City, Notts,
I've got Stars In My Eyes,
I've told thousands of lies,
When arrested at Cowes robbing Yaughts,

Yesterday Matthew I was a Factory completist,
But tonight Matthew I'm gonna be with Jesus,
You come on like a dream, Julian Bream, lips like David Vine,
When a sneeze doesn't come,
I look up to the sun, and I praise him for making it shine,
Yesterday Matthew I was a Factory completist,
But tonight Matthew I'm gonna be with Jesus, be with Jesus,

...I walk a country mile,
Just to taunt your Koi carp,
it brought me out of my sloth,
On an easy par four,
within earshot of your,
Revolutionary fold-away drums,
for sure like I say,
"at the end of the day",
We'll take each armageddon as it comes,

Yesterday Matthew I was a Factory completist,
But tonight Matthew I'm gonna be with Jesus,
Yesterday Matthew I was a Factory completist,
But tonight Matthew I'm gonna be with Jesus,
I'm gonna be with Jesus, I'm gonna be with Jesus,
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed turned your mother down, Tue 4 Mar 2008, 10:38, closed)

Most kind
They look like an interestin' (mental) band
( ancrenne doesn't eat anything that can play video games, Tue 4 Mar 2008, 10:58, closed)

Re: medicine for kittinz
though yours sounds like a proper mental Ancrenne (sorry a mental COMMA Ancrenne, not a "mental Ancrenne")

.................

Ah yes, the point

With mine, wrap 'em in a towel and any pills/neck drops become somewhat easier.

Maybe a general anaesthetic and SWAT team to get them in the towel though.
(tinypod ......what is he good for? Absolutely nuthin'!, Thu 6 Mar 2008, 7:06, closed)