Going out ‘On The Pull’…

Lexachu’s post has brought back the horrific memories of my late teenage years…

Fantasy: Go out, meet up with your mates, have a few drinks, have a laugh, Approach (or better yet, be approached by) attractive girl, chat, get on, have things in common, share sense of humour, buy more drinks, make arrangements for further date or maybe even the possibility of ‘back to her place’.

Reality: Go out, meet mates, get pissed, drool at girls. Overpriced nightclub. Overpriced ‘beer’ (weak piss). More perving over girls. Indulge in conversations with mates that involve ‘marks out of ten’, how many one ‘might get to the pound’, and comments like ‘phwoarr’ etc in a ‘Sid James’ fashion. Make utter twat of self by showing off or being over the top. Kicked out. Kebab. Sick. Struggle to get home. Broke. Alone.

Repeat pretty much ad infinitum…

My strike rate must’ve been about 1/100 if I think about it, and the tragedy is that now I understand that I actually used to be quite good looking (believe it or not)…and I wasted so many opportunities by being a general all-round pissed up git.

Hindsight can be a proper cunt sometimes.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 3 Jul 2008, 9:57, Reply)

Playing old games
Ahh remember the days, the C64, the Spectrum, the Amiga. And how we spent hours upon hours upon hours playing games on them. The rest of the kids were out playing football. But me? no no no. I had my head in games such as, Lemmings, Zool, Sensi Soccer, IK+,Whizzball etc.

I would be outside the newsagents waiting for it to open to get the latest magazine, to rip the tape/disk off it to load up the latest playable demos and free games. Which would see me busy for the next few weeks.

I remember being in the computer shop looking at the back of the boxes and thinking, wow look at the graphics on that!

The pride and enjoyment I had when I finished Superfrog in just 5 hard long days was awesome!

My friends were envious when I'd kick their ass on Bomberman. And I was faster on Forumla One Grand Prix. These games had soul, the theme music of them would run through my head all day at school or college.

Ahh they were the days!


Today we have Internet connected games, MMORPGs, 3D graphics, surround sound. The baddies have artificial intelligence, rather than just moving side to side like a zombie. We have more realism and more interaction with our games then ever before. We expect awesome graphics now. But theres something missing, theres no soul or passion in them anymore. Theres no playability. Theres no wow factor. For example, when the latest game is coded so well it makes your 7mhz, 16bit computer do something its never done before.


Today, My spectrum is long dead, any attempt to load any games on that brings up an R Tape Loading Error 10:1 message. The Amiga no longer recognises any disks and just returns to the pink insert disk sign.

So imagine my delight when I found Emulators. Yes I could play all the old games again! A bit of setting up and viola, Im blasting around with Xenon II megablast, and shooting people on Canon Fodder! Ahh brilliant! :)

And this is where the dissapointment comes in... It is great.. for 5 minutes. Then I feel bored. Ah, let me try Bubble Bobble on th C64 emulator. Ahh yes, ooh I remember this tune! 6 Levels later.. Im bored of this. How about Jet Set Willy on the spectrum. Oh gawd this is harder than I remember.. Ah well back to MSN and Facebook.

As much as as I try, I cannot get the passion and imagination back. Maybe I've just grown up. Maybe I'm spoilt now by modern games. But one things for sure, those good days are gone forever :(
(Miggyman, Thu 3 Jul 2008, 9:49, Reply)

Dirty massage
I had a massage in the Glastonbury "healing fields", and never got a hippy ending.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Thu 3 Jul 2008, 9:39, Reply)

rave rave rave ra....oh.
Every time I go out clubbing I always envisage having the best night ever, getting thoroughly drunk and maybe meeting some cool new people.

However I am pretty much always disappointed when I spend half the night queuing at the bar to purchase ridiculously overpriced 'weak piss' (sometimes known as 'beer') only to spill most of it whilst escaping from the hordes!

I drink at home now so I’m half cut before leaving the house.
(Lexachu A buh? no, not a buh, a bomb!, Thu 3 Jul 2008, 9:32, Reply)

Happened to a friend of mine...

who was a big Oasis fan. Huge. I won't go into quite how big...but it was big. You get the picture.

Anyhoo, you can imagine his delight when he was at an airport a couple of years ago and he discovered he was going to share a flight with none other than Noel Gallagher!

As he approached Noel, he noticed two things.

1. Noel was a miserable bastard - (but we all knew this anyway)

2. He stank! There was such an overpowering reek of petunia oil and body odour....I mean REALLY Strong. My mate was boking for England and as he recoiled away, he spotted everyone around him backing off and wafting their hands with sickly green expressions on their faces.

Yet nobody said anything. Nobody thought to say:

"Oi, Noel - Stop being such a miserable scrote-wrinkle and write some original music...Oh, and you fucking HONK!"

It's probably for the best that I wasn't there.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 3 Jul 2008, 8:47, 2 replies)

I didn't get the job.
Not even disappointed about that, more the fact that they haven't rang me about it and I only found out because my mate who works at the company told me they offered the job to the other guy...
Wankers.
( TY&GN, Thu 3 Jul 2008, 8:43, 4 replies)

I've spent the last year training to be a teacher
It's a one year, very intense, course.
But worth it; I love the job and it's the first time I have a decent job.

The disappointment comes with me thinking that I would have my own class come this September.

I don't, I haven't been able to get a job. As of September I'll be unemployed.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Thu 3 Jul 2008, 7:39, Reply)

I should take up cards, i'd be the freaking champion
First true love = gay
Second true love = gay
Third true love = Taken
Fourth true love = Dead
Fifth true love = Too young + probably gay
(rattus, Thu 3 Jul 2008, 6:42, Reply)

The Game
Not as fun as I had imagined and I always seem to lose it once a QOTW.
(Lannes, Thu 3 Jul 2008, 6:35, 2 replies)

Suicide Is Painless
.
Not my biggest disappointment in my life, but the biggest since I've been in Oz.

We ordered a bread-maker. One of those lovely bits of kit where you pour in the ingredients and it makes spiffing, tasty bread. They're cocking great.

So the bread-maker finally arrives and I unpack it and install it in the kitchen. I admire it's clean slick lines, marvel at the array of recipes and finally get down to making my first loaf.

I carefully measure out the ingredients, pour them in the correct order into the bread-maker and set the control panel. Off it goes with a wee whirry noise. So I retire to my study and get back to work.

In the distance I can hear the bread-maker going through it's robotic motions. Stirring the ingredients, kneading the dough and getting ready to deliver some lovely crusty bread. Then.....

CRASH!!

I leg it into the kitchen to find the bastard machine had committed suicide. During the kneading process it had kind of walked forward with infinitesimal little steps and hurled itself off the kitchen bench. There was dough and flour all over the bloody place and sitting in the middle of the floor, sparking gently, was my lovely bread-maker.

I was gutted.

Hadn't even had the thing an hour and I'd broken it. Bastard.

Still, we've got a new one now and, this time, the bastard is nailed to the kitchen bench. It's not going anywhere.

Thought I'd share.

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 3 Jul 2008, 6:28, 1 reply)

: |
I once worked as the receptionist for a GP. One day a 30-stone man came in, red-faced and panting, demanding to see the Doctor immediately. We weren't expecting him and there were patients already waiting, but I let him through anyway.

You might say, that was my BIGGEST DIS-APPOINTMENT.
( struthers when you call my name it's like a little prayer, Thu 3 Jul 2008, 5:55, Reply)

time difference
The time difference between most of you guys and me means that when I am sleeping and the ONLY part of the day that I have serious work to do seem to be when you're all on here chatting and I always miss out!
(misskitty reeks of sex and turpentine; laudanum afternoons, Thu 3 Jul 2008, 4:03, 1 reply)

Ex-Wife
.
I can recall one time in bed when my ex asked me to stick my hand inside her minge. Not my fingers - my hand! So I did - all the way up to the wrist.

"Now the other hand" she smiled.

Fascinated, I complied and got my left hand all the way in. This was weird.

"Now clap" she said.

"I can't" I replied

"Yeah - tight aren't I?"

Cheers

and this joke is officially older than God but I thought it would fit in here
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 3 Jul 2008, 2:10, 3 replies)

Maxime's Rock Night held on Fridays
This has disappointed for a very long while.

I have been to many Rock Nights (Jilly's, Sheffield Corporation, Rio’s, Post-mortem, and Wendyhouse) and have loved going to those establishments for a night of moshing, alcohol, high jinks and “metuuul”. My favourite establishment by far is Post-mortem in Manchester.

It has played the same dull crap every time, and is barely worth going to anymore. One night was reported to be that chronically bad, that Fall Out Boy had been played twice. The DJ’s never listen, and it’s a fixed play list of what they deem to be popular. This has too much Kerrang TV orientated fare.

The worst is Room 2, that glorious cavern of despair, playing awful Indie music. And, not of the classic stuff either. Awful crap like the Libertines and what not, and others I can’t be arsed naming. You would have thought that they would have taken a leaf out of Post-mortem’s book, and keep the room for the more extreme flavours of metal like Children of Bodom, Carcass, Dimmu Borgir, Emperor, and classic thrash by Exodus, early Metallica, Megadeth, Anthrax and all bands in-between that are too numerous to mention. Oh no, can’t do that. And continue playing horrid Indie shite.

The 25th anniversary special last Friday promised it all, but amounted to nothing and had all the impact of a mouse’s fart. This was no different than any other night, apart from the fact that more trends had shown up than normal because “Kerrang TV tunes are played there, innit?”

Scores of my friends have quit going, and have gone to better establishments. And I only ever bother attending the comedic “AOR/Hair Metal night” held on the 1st Friday on the month. Only on the basis that friends from Yorkshire come over and I can hang out with them, and a few other friends of mine. My ears mainly tune the horrid falsetto screaming din out, as I just go there to socialise with said peeps.

Fuck you Maxime’s, and you’re shitty play list. Fucking kill the DJ’s and get someone decent in to do a proper job!

NEXT!

/rant
(Panteneman Isn't entirely sure why he bothered on, Thu 3 Jul 2008, 0:38, 5 replies)

The Bedlam in Goliath
After the WTF!?YAY!! of Deloused and the YUM! of Frances then the MMMMHOTACTION of Amputechture expectations were running high for an epic discordant ground breaking mindfuck of holy proportions.

But no.

A Manual Dexterity is now floating my boat.
(Ktulu O'Ryleh float like a turd, sting like chlamydia, Wed 2 Jul 2008, 23:57, 3 replies)

I'm sure this has been said a million times by now but...
My biggest disappointment is that of all the QOTW stories I've posted; my personal favourite stories to tell in person, the ones that never fail to have people rolling around like gibbons on nitrous, the ones where I stop deadpanning for a moment and really come alive inside...

All those stories are the ones that people ignore in favour of poo jokes and a frying pan.
( Sonic James Doom forgetting the date since... umm..., Wed 2 Jul 2008, 23:52, 1 reply)

Suicide
Waking up in hospital with a tube stuffed up my japs-eye, needles in my arms, unable to walk due to the prodigous amounts of stolen carbodiazepam that still hadn't metabolized after 3 days in a coma, one of my dearest friends (now sadly deceased after a bit of the ole suicide himself) sat in a chair by the bed, the sensation of having a beer can lodged in my arsehole (actually an enormous black turd like a lump of coal), the shame, guilt and fear about what everyone would say and feel and the sense of utter humiliation that it hadn't worked.

Suicide was an utter let down. On the plus side though, I did get better after a few years of therapy and intense self-questioning under the influence of LSD.

Do not attempt this at home kids.
(Ktulu O'Ryleh float like a turd, sting like chlamydia, Wed 2 Jul 2008, 22:42, 2 replies)

I had a dissapointment today :(
Whilst at work, one of the (rather attractive) nurses asked me to go into a (also rather attractive) patients room, and to helping her wash. She then claimed that "I'll be in to finish her off in a moment".

We both laughed, and my moment of dissapointment came when I realised that we were both thinking very different things :(
(Merrep, Wed 2 Jul 2008, 21:54, Reply)

I suppose it's been said:
But love is not the Answer, it isn't All You Need, it doesn't Overcome All Obstacles.
It isn't the Most Powerful Force In The Universe, even when it feels strong enough (to both of you) to be fatal, it won't do that either.
Love will not Keep You Together.

It will tear you apart again, that much is true.
(Smoked Oysters Yes, magick helmet! And I will give you a sample!, Wed 2 Jul 2008, 21:16, 2 replies)

I'm disappointed in myself
Not for many of the reasons that people have already put forward.

I'm not disappointed with how my life has turned out so far - I've had plenty of ups and downs. I very much believe that without the crappy bits of life we wouldn't appreciate the great bits. To my mind life is a bit like a fairground ride - if the rollercoaster just went along a flat path - even if it was up high - it would just like being on any old train journey. However, if it's going up and down and scaring the bejeezus out of you then you have a great time.

The good bits and the bad bits are needed so we feel alive and not just ... meh.




So that's not what I'm disappointed about.

I'm not disappointed that I haven't done all the things I set out to do with my life. Mainly because I've never had much of a long-term idea of what I wanted to achieve. I'm much more a person who just makes it all up as I go along.

So what really disappoints me about myself?


Well, as a child my parents never placed much (if any) emphasis upon being good looking, slim, or any of those sorts of things. I don't remember ever being told, "Chickenlady, you look so pretty!" by my parents.

This isn't a complaint about my parents, by the way. I'm just pointing out that I was brought up to place greater emphasis upon how a person behaved rather than how they looked.

I've always maintained that looks fade and even with cosmetic surgery and pull in, pull up, skinny knickers and the like, we still can't change the packaging we come in to a greater degree.

So why, oh why am I obsessed with my Hot or Not rating?


Chickenlady, you disappoint me.



http://scoreboards.hotornot.com/b3tards?page=21 Currently
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 2 Jul 2008, 21:02, 62 replies)

I can't get taken seriously
I'm 41 but for some reason I'm still not a proper grown up.

Kids, degree (the fucking hard way, part time while working...and a proper one, non of this BA nonsense), career, professional qualifications, good at my job...none of it has shifted peoples perception of me as an upstart.

Just today I bumped into somebody I used to work with and he introduced me to his colleagues as 'young man' WTF!? People ten years younger than me and junior positions feel comfortable calling me 'son'.

It's not as I'm one of those perpetual prepubescent looking freakiods, I'm 6'4 hairy arsed bloke. I drink beer, I know how to hang a new door. I can repair a fishing net and handle a gun. I've done some proper adventuring and have ugly scars to prove it.

Gravitas can't be acquired it would seem.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 2 Jul 2008, 20:35, 4 replies)

my biggest disappointment...
would be coming to realize that after getting knocked up during my second year at university, dropping out, getting married, having three healthy and beautiful boys, devoting my life to their growth and development, and watching my oldest graduate and move on to university... my children will all soon be grown and gone and that NOW is when I will truly have to lie in the bed that I chose to make those many years ago when I agreed to marry.

I could have been famous, a star on the screen! Or something in between. Or at the very least married to someone who likes fresh air... Damn all these regrets anyway, I sound like a whiny bitch. The worst thing is that he's looking forward to it immensely.
(Insidian, Wed 2 Jul 2008, 19:45, 5 replies)

Most Music Fans
the ones who scream bloody murder when a band changes their musical style to evolve and further their passions. (bands including pendulum, red hot chili peppers etc)

the ones who vehemently disown bands when signing to a major label. what artist wouldnt want more to hear their work? (bands such as against me!, the clash, arctic monkeys etc)

and the ones who react so elitist when non fans come along, thus ruining any chance of new fans for the music itself.

apologies for length are weak, but these people just dont deserve the efforts given to them.
(Catch21, Wed 2 Jul 2008, 19:34, 1 reply)

Limewire
I'm trying to download potential wedding music and I'm slightly disappointed with my limewire results.

"Yohann Sebastian Bach has shaking orgasm during sex", anyone?
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Wed 2 Jul 2008, 19:27, 8 replies)

Pro Evolution Soccer 6 (for the pc)
It is quite possibly the worst ever console to PC convertion EVER. It was going cheap in PC world so i bought it.
Took it home.
Installed it.
Tried to play it.
Failed miserably.
Cried myself to sleep.
(chrisdood Why yes, I am the shizzle, Wed 2 Jul 2008, 18:58, 3 replies)

Humanity
Yesterday I saw a bloke on the South Circular reading a newspaper whilst driving.

I think our species is doomed.
(Axeman Jim, Wed 2 Jul 2008, 17:45, 1 reply)

thinking tae kwon do would teach me to be hard
lies, spent all the time doing pointless patterns (like kata in karate)

very rarely did we do any sparring and i got beaten every time cos the teacher would never actually tell me where i was going wrong or how i could improve.

95% time spent practicing patterns (i got very good at those)

5% sparring.

should have been the other way round.
( monstrinho do biscoito teeeshurts = www.nogunarmy.com, Wed 2 Jul 2008, 17:41, 4 replies)

Love, sex and passion
It really is a close run thing as to whether love, sex and passion are the greatest things ever and/or the cause of more inconvenience and strife than anything else.

Everyone needs passion, or at least intense enthusiasm, for some form of interest - even if not a person.

Love and sex underpin so much of society though, and take up so much time, that I'm never quite certain if it's really worth it.

It might be that without romantic or sexual interest, activities that you might prefer to do with a partner[1] might be done with friends instead. Maybe there would be less farting around online or in clubs or other meeting places simply to try and meet someone new.

There might be less of a requirement to take a critical look at your interests, life situation and friends simply in order to find someone nice in a sensible timeframe.

The common advice is to 'be yourself' - but frankly, this is bullshit. You should be yourself but also involve yourself in situations that expose you[1] to new people, give you sufficient common cultural background to have something to talk about, and roughly equates to current opinions on appearance and fashion.

That's all well and good if you fall into the average of people, and are happy with someone else on the average. However, if you fall outside that range and your own subculture doesn't contain anyone suitable, it might be awfully convenient if the whole thing went away.

At the end, there's no real choice - we all have needs and desires, and they have to expressed somehow, but without love, sex and passion would the human race be happier and more productive - or not?

Alternatively, is the enemy that other great time and energy sink - the 9to5 (or more) job..

(Reasonably happy here, and not about to enter into sub par relationships or sex, but one would be nice)

[1] No, not those types of activity.
(EssY, Wed 2 Jul 2008, 16:51, 2 replies)

@3in7 (below)
pffft!

over the last three weeks...

'Advice from Old People' - my inane drivel was voted into the top 5

'Whats the hardest you've tried to get dumped' - same result

Mt first EVA coveted front page possibly?

No - 'they' *looks upwards* move the bladdy goalposts...

Dumped stories "oh they're all too depressing, were not having a best this week"

then Old People "oh! lets just have some edited highlights"

shakes fist


!
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Wed 2 Jul 2008, 16:50, 18 replies)

Is that I have never ...
... been on the "Best" page.

Here we go again :-(
(Biff..., Wed 2 Jul 2008, 16:49, 2 replies)