My experiences as an orchard manager
Back when I was starting out, my saplings weren't feeling too well. I decided to send one of my underlings on a mission to find out what was wrong. He told me they needed a medicine from an agricultural supply store so I sent him off to get some.

When he returned, he came back with a big vat of cream that was to be applied to the bark. This was not how I envisaged things to turn out. In fact, when I had a look at the label and price tag, I was so enraged I made up a rap on the spot.

Yo! Yo!
This cream is crap.
In your head there's a gap.
How can this cream
not make me wanna scream?
How can I afford
to be the lord
if I have crappy creams
that remind me of wet dreams?

"For fucks sake! Don't you have better things to do than to disrespect the cream?" He replied.

Feeling humbled by an underling having the guts to speak up to me in this matter, I did the only thing I could do in this situation. I was about to sum up the situation in a single line when all of a sudden; I was kidnapped by a passing Alien spaceship. I was taken to the captain who greeted me in his own language. It sounded like "Myb ig gestdi sappo'in tmnt".
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 2 Jul 2008, 9:03, 4 replies)

FFS!
That has made me sob quietly inside.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Wed 2 Jul 2008, 9:08, closed)

Whatever your on....
I want some : )
( girlinthehole, Wed 2 Jul 2008, 9:10, closed)

You should be put down like a dog
For creating this.
*loads shotgun*
( Cawl, Wed 2 Jul 2008, 9:11, closed)

^^This
with knobs on.

Just fuck off, OK?
( MisterPunch did it that way on, Wed 2 Jul 2008, 9:46, closed)