Pooing punctuation
I haven't put any shelves up lately, but on Saturday I pooed an apostrophe.

Or should it be poo'd...
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) decunted the apostrophe from its fuck, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 13:18, 8 replies)

Telephone Engineering - Gone wrong.
This question reminds me of back in the days of dial up and when we had extension cables running from the phone socket, up the stairs to the PC.
Somehow our extension cable had snapped. No doubt a hoover incident.

So I decided to repair it by re soldering the wires together, and a bit of eleccy tape. Sorted. But stupidly I left it plugged in. My ex comes in and is like, "Is that ok to do that when its plugged in?"

All smugged up I said, "Yes its fine as a high voltage and current go through the line only when someone rings. No ones going to ring at this time!" It was 11pm.
A minute or so later and im just using the human wire strippers (teeth) and suddenly i feel an absolutle whack in the mouth. OWCH!!!! ARGHHH!!! I screamed and jumped back.

The girlfriend is looking a little shocked... and somewhat guilty.. and somewhat laughing all at the same time.

She decided to test my theory and ring the phone from her mobile.

Cheers luv!
(Miggyman, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 12:54, Reply)

Non-alcoholic DIY cocktail disaster
A pint of lemonade with a disolved M&M
( mistaspakkaman - Is it a nerd? Is it insane? No, it's supaspakka!, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 12:32, Reply)

Some mothers do 'ave 'em moments
Not much of a disaster, but:
I was decorating one of the spare rooms in a colour that the missus still swears blind isn't pink, but it fecking is. I had finished paining one of the walls, so climbed down off my ladder, put the paint tray down behind me and took a step back to admire my handywork. And put my foot in the paint tray. Swearing a bit, I took my trainer off to see how much paint it had on it. And put my foot down in the paint tray. Swearing a bit more, I took my sock off. And put my foot down in the paint tray. I just laughed at that point.

I also once spent a good 5 minutes getting fairly severe electric shocks, while trying to put insulating electrical tape over some accidentally exposed wires in the power cable to the fridge. It was only after a particularly violent swearing seesion that the missus came in to see what the deal was. And suggested that I unplug the fridge before grabbing the wires. It seems obvious now...
(ScousersPet, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 12:06, 5 replies)

We made vodka with sweeties in
Here
Some of them were good,
Some of them were bad,
some of them were Very Nasty Indeed.

Yes.
(DukeEuphoria Comes highly reccomended, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 11:18, 9 replies)

Student house
We rented a terrible student house in York back in the 90s. I've told one or two stories about it before (see here). The landlord who rented this house liked his money rather a lot, and certainly didn't like wasting it buying furniture for us. So we had four of the cheapest, nastiest, fifth-hand War-on-Want beds you can imagine. They were so poor that three of the four ended the year with a leg having fallen off.

Not wanting to risk losing our deposits, when we were packing up to move out we set about glueing the legs back on. But they wouldn't stick as everything was too irregular.

Time for some lateral thinking! If the legs couldn't be glued to the beds, what could we do...? Cue the bed legs being super-glued vertically to the carpets and the beds balanced on top. It worked a treat and he never noticed. Well, not until the next cohort of students moved in and sat on their new beds...
( Olembe NOW with added blogism: bamboobadger.blogspot.com, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 11:08, 1 reply)