Joe's Dad
I have a mate known as Joe. His dad is infamous for doing things differently.

There are three things that spring instantly to mind...

Landy
He had an old landrover, and for some reason was had a recurring issue with the wheel-studs becoming loose. One day Joe was asked to help change a tyre on one of the the landy's wheels, and noticed that his dad was attempting to do so with the wheel still attached to the vehicle... Joe sniggered and suggested that he took it off...

"Can't... welded them on last year." True to form, his dad had cracked out the trusty arc welder and welded the wheels to the hubs.

The blood thing
Joes dad had some sort of interesting blood complaint that resulted in him visiting the hospital weekly to have a bag of blood removed. I think I recall that the aim was to force the body to make fresh blood that had the desired qualities... (Maybe one of our in-house docs/medics can help with this one) ... Anyway.. Joes Dad had heard that blood is excellent for nourishing rose-beds, and had managed to obtain permission to take his own blood home with him.

Joe came home one day to be confronted with a foul-smelling and steamy bonfire. Apparently the rose beds had had enough blood, and now Joes's dad had built up an excess stock. Willing to dispose of it safely he'd decided to "incinerate it" and was dutifully placing bag after hissing bag of blood on the bonfire.

Home-Makeover Extreme Edition
These all start the same.... Joe came home oneday... and tried to walk into the house. Door wouldn't budge.... odd. He went round the side and went in through an alternative door. He was greeted by his grinning dad. "Look... I saw a DIY programme this morning where someone knocked a few walls though to join the living room, dining room and kitchen.... looks great doesn it?"

Joe surveyed the sagging ceiling and noticed the wet spot in the ceiling: A load-bearing wall... Under the bathroom. He'd taken out 2 meters of it.

After calling a couple of mates they'd got it shored back up, but the pipes never lined up correctly on the upper floors, and the bath no longer lines up with the tiles.


Joe's Dad is now banned form starting "projects" without family consultation.
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Fri 4 Apr 2008, 7:31, 3 replies)

Brilliant
"Apparently the rose beds had had enough blood"

Worth a click for that line alone!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 4 Apr 2008, 8:14, closed)

I trust
Nobody mentioned to him what Black Pudding is made of.

And if they did, I pray that nobody went around his for a full english Breakfast
(Sir Tainley Barking Ezekiel 23:20, Fri 4 Apr 2008, 9:56, closed)

Haemochromatosis
Possibly? Clicky anyway for a true hero.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 4 Apr 2008, 12:29, closed)