The Warriors.
So far I've sent three copies of this film to my cousin from Amazon.
( routine has perfected burgers, Sun 13 Apr 2014, 13:52, 4 replies)

David Essex
I buy all sorts of shit when I'm drunk and then forget about it. It's good when it turns up at work and I've no recollection of ordering it. It's a bit like Christmas - "Fucking ace! I really wanted one of these!". This week a David Essex double-bill DVD turned up. It's 'That'll Be The Day' and 'Stardust'. Two films which I love. Problem is I haven't got a fucking DVD player.
( routine has perfected burgers, Sun 13 Apr 2014, 13:51, 6 replies)

Too lazy to check
Now have 2 each of seasons 2, 3 and 6 of House, 2 of season 4 of Battlestar and 2 copied of capturing the freedmans. First to call can collect. I'll throw in whichever season of CSI Miami I ended up with in error
(unclestinky, Sun 13 Apr 2014, 9:09, 1 reply)

Stupid amounts of MDPV
Back when it was legal. A ten gram bag could see you fully psychotic many times in course of bag and wasting a and e time. (Never called the ambulance myself I hasten to add) YMMV but just don't
(unclestinky, Sun 13 Apr 2014, 9:03, 36 replies)

a 1920's masonic fez
Has a neat sphinx head and jeweled tassel on it.

Wore it to the storage unit one time, got 33% off cardboard boxes ever since.
(yeswehavenopasties, Sun 13 Apr 2014, 1:58, 1 reply)

iMac..
Saturday night engagement party, 4am Sunday ebay surfing. And as it turned out, bidding. Sunday evening Top Gear viewing interrupted by email wishing congratulations on 700 quids worth of iMac I had no recollection of bidding on. So the night cost one computer, plus two pairs of shoes and a handbag to placate the wife.
(Basilbrush, Sat 12 Apr 2014, 23:56, Reply)

Not being a total spaz,
I don't buy shit when I'm drunk. I watch The Goonies and eat a big fuck-off kebab like a normal person.
(McChinaman banned, Sat 12 Apr 2014, 20:44, 9 replies)

A neighbour from three doors away burgled
one of my customers while he was away on holiday. He used a sack barrow to take the washer, fridge and other heavy gear along the passage behind their houses.
When the customer returned home he called the cops, was given a really helpful crime number and went to the local pub to drown his sorrows. As he approached he saw his neighbour at the bar with his back to him. He was about to ask him if he wanted a pint when he noticed he was knocking out the guy's music centre and album collection.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Sat 12 Apr 2014, 19:07, 7 replies)

I bought a used high end audio amp
It had a major short and everything was fried.
It wasn't a total loss. I broke up the circuit board and put it in a jar with some cheap scotch. Which I passed off as Islay malt to some of my more pompous acquaintances.
'You may not like this, it's very smokey.'
(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Sat 12 Apr 2014, 14:42, 8 replies)

Scuse me mate...
Do you like cheese?

Given that I was playing pool in a Hull pub on £1 vodka-redbull night, and I was asked this by a grubby track suited randomer I could guess that this wouldn't end in an invitation to a cheese and wine do.

I replied in the affirmative, and the guy spun his heavy rucksack off his back and asked "do you want to buy some?" Well bugger me if this guy wasn't hauling around about 60 large blocks of cathedral city (with the new at the time handy resealable pack!). I brought one off him for the princely sum of one pound, my mates laughed but it was I who had the cheap cheese toasties for the next week.

By which time the co-op round the corner that never used to lock its loading bay had closed down for good.

TL;DR : Brought cheese off a man in the pub. It went okay.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Sat 12 Apr 2014, 13:09, 7 replies)

Airfix Flight Deck
It's brilliant, even though I have to rig it up down the stairs as the garden isn't big enough. Top Gun theme in the background and you've got a party.
(drunkenbutcher, Sat 12 Apr 2014, 13:06, 1 reply)

Laser rangefinder
It was on offer on Amazon and was only about 20 quid. I had no practical use for it but though it was cool. I now know the exact distance from my sofa to various points around the room.
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Sat 12 Apr 2014, 13:00, 3 replies)

Once after I got home after a night out drinking, I found out the next day I'd made two extra withdrawals of £40!
The funny thing is, I don't even remember what I spent it on!
(Eukanuba, Sat 12 Apr 2014, 12:45, 2 replies)

I'm having truffles for lunch.
We planted a fuckload of truffle oaks and I reckoned it was a dodgy pyramid scheme but turns out we now have truffles. I've got egg on my face and no mistake. Lovely truffly egg.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 12 Apr 2014, 9:41, 23 replies)

PC
I have a poor credit history to say the least but this didn't stop me one night from ordering a PC from Dell while several sheets to the wind. I asked for the best video card, most ram and biggest HDD they had at the time. There was no way they would approve it so I got a huge monitor and added in of all things a blu ray burner. I was pleasantly surprised a few days later to get confirmation that it was being assembled. I thinkI used the burner three times...
(Tammytastic, Sat 12 Apr 2014, 7:58, Reply)

Cornflakes.

(Andrew Avetoom, Sat 12 Apr 2014, 7:38, Reply)

Some people on /offtopic got drunk..
…and brought home a UKIP manifesto.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Sat 12 Apr 2014, 7:19, 3 replies)

And at last
The alphabet corporation have cranked into life and you too can own daisy tee shirt www.cardiacs.net/
(unclestinky, Sat 12 Apr 2014, 6:56, 4 replies)

A probably fake
Nazi motorbike coat. Plus I'm too short and look like neo
(unclestinky, Sat 12 Apr 2014, 6:47, 1 reply)

An excellent
Satin suit. Once I get cancer it I'll fit a treat
(unclestinky, Sat 12 Apr 2014, 6:46, Reply)

any,many
varieties of dried insects. Dung beetles and grass hoppers recommended.
Ants really show up as tiny ant pieces. Fancy a go www.thailandunique.com/edible-insects-bugs
(unclestinky, Sat 12 Apr 2014, 6:43, Reply)

no regrets
3" inflatable vibrating butt plug. Recommended
(unclestinky, Sat 12 Apr 2014, 6:22, 7 replies)

Woke up in the next morning
to a purchase confirmation email for Hefner-style satin bed linen, in purple.

They were alright in the end, slippery as hell though.
(JennaTaylor is gleaming like a well oiled Danny DeVito, Sat 12 Apr 2014, 2:00, Reply)

Pissed from lunchtime session, threw up on train on way home from work after sloping off early
Staggered from station needing something to soak up the booze. Seemed too early for takeaway so bought a nice big expensive hunk of steak from a proper butcher for silly money.

Got it home and microwaved it.
(Ronnie Spleen MMMMNEURRGH I AM A GAY SPAZ AND I LOVE IT UP MY BU, Sat 12 Apr 2014, 1:06, Reply)

Bought pieces for a portable ballet barre
Metal workers assembled it. Clunky, not very portable, and too high for my legs. Works well to store lumber in the basement, though.
(Perv With A Dog had his eyes pecked out by scrub jays on, Fri 11 Apr 2014, 22:09, 2 replies)

Star Wars arcade machine...
The original vector one from the 80s. Bargain price but in my drunken state the distance was misjudged. I'm in Liverpool, machine in Aberdeen and since I'd been to Glasgow a few times I thought what the hell, not realising Glasgow is the halfway point. 18 hours in a rental van, not fun. Machine was ace tho after a bit (lot) of fettling :)
(Outrun Is it the weekend yet?, Fri 11 Apr 2014, 21:39, 6 replies)

Ginspiration
I'm drunk quite a lot (and a better person for it), and come up with really good business ideas that don't make much sense the next day. I was surprised one morning by a package that came through the door of 50 signed Freddie Starr photographs that I'd bought off ebay to resell on ebay.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Fri 11 Apr 2014, 20:41, 3 replies)

This doesn't count
Because I was entirely sober at the time.

It was that strange time of year just before Christmas, when the office phones don't ring and there's nothing to do. I ended up clicking on shit on ebay, and found an Iraqi military uniform. I think I was the only bidder in the end.

It consists of a camouflage jacket and trousers, with red epaulettes, a lanyard and some tacky medals. One medal has a picture of Saddam on.
And the best thing is... it fits me! That was in 2004. One day at work we'll have a "dress up as an Iraqi officer" day, and I'll be able to put it to use.
(Bob the Builder killed Captain Alex, Fri 11 Apr 2014, 20:11, 2 replies)

I bought two Dremmels on eBay
Two.
(Frample Tromwibbler climbs an obstacle like old people fuck, Fri 11 Apr 2014, 18:47, 1 reply)

I was drunk and asked for a badly stuffed kebab
and I was given a cunt
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Fri 11 Apr 2014, 16:43, 7 replies)