The drunken purchase: a 10x8 heavy duty T&G shiplap shed, from a bloke in the pub, last Friday. £150. Bargain.

The sober purchases, when it failed to appear, fully formed, in my garden:

Delivery: £25
15 concrete blocks for base: £25
5 sleepers for base: £100
Bits of wood to replace ground level rot/stuff I broke dismantling the thing: £60
Wood treatment: £50
3.5x3m EPDM roofing sheet + adhesive: £150
Screws + bolts: £20
Then there's the two days' labour, and counting.

On the plus side - SHED!!!
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Tue 15 Apr 2014, 22:11, 47 replies)

Hey Flappy look its me hartley *waves*
no offence but that sounds like you got ripped off, you should have gone to a builders merchant
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 15 Apr 2014, 22:25, closed)

Gold Plated Titianium screws and bolts for £20
although probably not as gold or titanium as the makers would like you to think.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Wed 16 Apr 2014, 7:11, closed)

Never mind the fixings, he's been sold 80 quid of rubber roof for 150 quid when he needed 30 quid of bitumen.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 16 Apr 2014, 7:53, closed)

comedy gold once again

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 15 Apr 2014, 22:48, closed)

hahaha ... just how far did they see you coming?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 16 Apr 2014, 7:13, closed)

You're right.
The important part is SHED!!!
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Wed 16 Apr 2014, 7:45, closed)

Well yeah.
But a close second is laughing at the gullible tit for being sold a load of overpriced stuff he doesn't need.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 16 Apr 2014, 7:52, closed)

You don't seem to understand that in these cases
tunnel vision is justifiable and very manly.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Wed 16 Apr 2014, 8:01, closed)

Shit. I must be a proper namby pamby nancyboy then
because I built three of my sheds from scratch with my bare hands and brrrrm brrrrm power tools without once being taken for a divvy and ripped off by the local builders merchant.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 16 Apr 2014, 8:54, closed)

Yeah, and I bet your garden now looks like an unholy hybrid of Soweto and post-tsunami Japan. Not being a provincial Mr Trebus, I don't really require multiple sheds - so I can afford to splash out the big dosh on creating something with that bit of "wow" factor (if you're really into sheds, and easily wowed).
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Wed 16 Apr 2014, 9:55, closed)

hahaha ... oh fuck
you've bought rubber flat roofing for a rotting second-hand shed ... you're going for industrial park chic and want to scoff at my half acre of rural loveliness?
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 16 Apr 2014, 10:29, closed)

I'm sure your shanty town of offcuts, bitumen and felt looks lovely. I bow to your superior shedding.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Wed 16 Apr 2014, 10:36, closed)

what are you prattling on about?
you can't post about your outbuilding incompetence and then attempt to claw your way back to a position of expertise, you daft twat.

I'm not the hilarious rotten shed with a rubber roof diy fail in this thread, petal.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 16 Apr 2014, 12:43, closed)

Wow.
You really can work yourself up into frenzy over subjects of zero importance.

Have you considered medication?
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Wed 16 Apr 2014, 12:52, closed)

yerr ... typing mild derision into the internet clearly requires fury, you penniless bellend

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 16 Apr 2014, 12:54, closed)

Ativan maybe?

( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Wed 16 Apr 2014, 14:29, closed)

dunno what that is soz

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 16 Apr 2014, 15:46, closed)

"My shed's better than yours"
neatly sums up what the non-picture element of b3ta has become.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 16 Apr 2014, 12:55, closed)

^This very muchly

(The Magic Number is neither magic nor a number, Wed 16 Apr 2014, 13:05, closed)

it's the most pressing matter of our times

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 16 Apr 2014, 14:00, closed)

Why on earth would I be an expert on sheds? I'm not sure I'd bother boasting about it, even if I was.

You, on the other hand...
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Wed 16 Apr 2014, 14:02, closed)

dunno Mr second-hand shed 'wow factor'
I'm not the one trying to justify having been ripped off by a bloke in a pub and a building merchant ... something has hit a nerve somewhere
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 16 Apr 2014, 15:00, closed)

I didn't think this would require clarification, but I wasn't even a little bit serious about my shed having "wow factor" - it's a shed. It stores things. The rubber roof keeps the rain off, and will hopefully do so for the lifetime of the shed without any further intervention from me. That's it.

Honestly, if I'd known that shed roofing material was one of the many triggers that flips your switch from "entertainingly mean" to "bloviating crybaby", I wouldn't have mentioned it at all. Probably.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Wed 16 Apr 2014, 20:51, closed)

^fucking brilliant

(King Nightmare, Wed 16 Apr 2014, 21:20, closed)

you paid £150 for £20 of second hand lumber and paid twice the going price for flat roofing material for a pitched wooden roof.
I'm sincerely sorry that you told the internet that you did something stupid and the internet laughed at you. You must surely be used to it by now.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 16 Apr 2014, 22:59, closed)

Well, no.
I paid £150 for a solid 10x8' prefabricated shed, which is substantially less than the cost of the wood. Yes, EPDM is more expensive than felt and bitumen, but will last far longer. The roof itself isn't pitched, it's pent. I'm very sorry you don't like my shed. If I ever need another, I'll offer you the £600ish to install one for me, with your bare hands and power tools (brrrrm brrrrm).

Congratulations on being "the internet", though.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Wed 16 Apr 2014, 23:46, closed)

is that your third or fourth essay defending your rotten lumber purchase?
But hey ... at least you haven't said it's taken more than two days to put up a small prefab shed. That would be proper embarrassing.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 7:17, closed)

That would include digging out 10x8' to sink the concrete blocks and sleepers to ground level, remedial bits and pieces, treatment, making shelves, etc. It was my sixth post in this thread, as opposed to your fifteenth, or so. In any event, you're probably not onto a winner with the 'lolzors you spend too much time and effort on b3ta' gambit.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 7:57, closed)

soz ... had to delete that to stop rob fairholme having another online breakdown
it was something about rotten wood and damp and being rubbish at digging
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 10:35, closed)

You also deleted Steve.

( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 10:54, closed)

Shit. Double soz.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 10:58, closed)

Mr. Trebus!
You've stimulated the correct sequence of neuron firings for me to remember this from the Framley Examiner Advent Calendar-

(squigbobble existed, Wed 16 Apr 2014, 17:27, closed)

Haha, awesome
I live just around the corner from Mr. Trebus's old house, I went on a little pilgrimage to pay my respects to the great man.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 17 Apr 2014, 15:08, closed)

WHERE ARE THE MODS?!?!

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 16 Apr 2014, 8:10, closed)

in the dog shed

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 16 Apr 2014, 8:54, closed)

I expect you built that one, too.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 16 Apr 2014, 10:18, closed)

don't much like dogs soz

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 16 Apr 2014, 10:31, closed)