A few things to make your job easier
I am by definition, a lazy bastard. This is why I have found a few things to make your working day a little easier. Gleaned from the internet, and learned from experience, a few things that mean I can generally hang out include, but are not limited to:

* Walking around quickly with a frown from place to place. Never underestimate how much this looks like you are doing something important.

* Making the tea. Everyone likes tea.

* Looking at your computer with a frown and huffing every once in a while. If you can rub your eyes and your face once in a while to imitate fatigue then all the better. People will think you're knee deep in reports or whatever it is that people really do with computers...

* I have recently taken charge of our company website. Nobody knows how long things take to update, meaning I have free reign on time spent at the pc / B3ta.

* Phone people. Anyone, who cares? I phone our suppliers for a chat. Stretch out that Monday morning order to a full 20 minutes and you can work off that two day hangover from Saturday a little bit easier.

* Arrange meetings. I have made a meeting last a day. Fuck knows what people really do with them. I almost never come away from meetings thinking 'that was productive'.

* Search the internet for new suppliers. This only works when you need suppliers for things.

* Write replies to B3ta QOTW in Word. I find opening an already existing document and writing the answer halfway down a document helps. People will marvel how many documents you can bash out in a day...

* Every now and again, when I have nothing better to do, I will sit at my pc until everyone has left, then lock up about 5 minutes afterwards. They will always ask what time you left, but I find if you give an unambiguous and joking 'eventually', then you look like a manager's hero. If you add a comedic rolling of the eyes with this, generally nobody questions you. If they do, avoid them. They are probably a suspicious bastard and should be held at arms length..

Add to this the fact that I have recently put our company on Twitter and Facebook, I now have an almost perfect cover story for all my web based actions. If only I can find a cover story for the smut...

I'm sure there are more. Feel free to add your own and share your ideas..
(Scrumpy does not negotiate with terrorists,, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:51, 12 replies)

i too am a lazy bastard
i used to get my pc to churn out huge and poitless reports so that i'd tie up my system while they ran. i'd also stick them into excel and fuck around with them for little or no reason either.
walking to see someone on the other side of the building/complex rather than phoning them, as it was more "personal and team building" was a favourite too.
driving for over an hour, rather e-mailing documents can be done but it's harder to get away with.
( real i'm not happy 'til you're not happy, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 17:11, closed)

I sweat like Michael J Fox in a Jenga tournament
That makes me look like I've been working my ass off.
(CactusZack Shaved his coin purse on, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 20:18, closed)

If possible
Always carry a clip board, people assume you are making notes for some reason/are busy.
(langers, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 17:18, closed)

Not really a trick that will work in an office
but I find that if you are holding a spanner then most people will assume you are doing something. If they do feel the need to ask you if you are busy then you simply have to wave the spanner at them in a sarcastic manner because naturally, you'd only be holding a spanner if you had something to do with it.
(Woodlouse say it with flowers. Send her a Triffid, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 17:59, closed)

I dunno if any of this really works in the long run.


From a managers point of view there’s 3 sorts of people. The stars who get things done no matter what, the people who do enough and then there’s the pisstakers.

In a big company, it’s so difficult to get rid of the low level pisstakers, you keep them as a redundancy buffer to protect the rest of the team when times are hard. No career progression, no real pay rises….and they think they’re ones taking you for a ride.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Mon 13 Sep 2010, 18:05, closed)

makes perfect sense to me
though if you're working for a company that takes the piss, then these are all worthy time wasting tips to employ while you're lloking for a new job.
also, there's more than 3 types, I see you're not mentioned the people that do fuck all then take credit for others' work ;)
( real i'm not happy 'til you're not happy, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 18:14, closed)

I think they're a subset of the pisstakers

( Snappyuk gets BIGGER with free sample., Mon 13 Sep 2010, 21:32, closed)

If you are in the position
Of being a 'techy type' (read as: can use excel and photoshop), where there are no other such folk, then you can claim that what you are doing is extremely valid to the company, and nobody knows how to challenge you. Until they hire someone better, then fire you for lying at them.
(Scrumpy does not negotiate with terrorists,, Tue 14 Sep 2010, 11:05, closed)

I run a small business that I set up myself in 2008. I can't afford to carry pisstakers. I sold my house, invested all my savings & borrowed another £85k to get the company going. Finally we are starting to become profitable and I am repaying the debts. I have created 8 jobs by setting this company up.

If I had gone under due to staff taking the piss after I have made all these sacrifices (albeit sacrifices of my chosing) - and believe me I still could go under - I don't know how I would react, but I know I would be extremely hacked off.

Take the piss if you want, but please don't do it in a small business - it really isn't fair.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 14 Sep 2010, 19:47, closed)

Print stuff
Then go and get it off the printer, looking hurried, and reading it with a grave look on your face whilst walking back to your desk.

Then go on the internet and fuck about for a bit.
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 18:57, closed)

Weirdly
I was thinking that I do most of those things but in my case, I'm not faking!
(Nitrous Nitrous, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 21:04, closed)

I salute you, sir.
I use a lot of these tactics myself, although i've never thought of the word document within a word document.
( SigmaX0 Dear Die Hard. You rock!, Tue 14 Sep 2010, 8:36, closed)