Telly
I reckon whoever is in charge of dreaming up new ideas for BBC Three has a piss easy job.

Idea person: "I have some ideas. Erm, what about a reality show where the contestants have six weeks to set up a circus on the theme of explosive dysentry? Or how about a spin on 'carboot challenge'? Five claustrophobics are bundled into the boot of a Fiat 126 that's been driven to an unknown location onto some wasteland and then set on fire, and they have to escape?

Or! or!, and I'm quite proud of this idea. 'Surgery Academy'. Four school drop-outs from impoverished backgrounds have to learn surgical skills in 2 months and save the lives of patients close relatives on a hospital waiting list with only weeks to live?.
Erm, fuck it. The first person to bugger a dog to death
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 14 Sep 2010, 9:26, 21 replies)

Monkey Tennis!

(Galahad is out of his gourd on yellow bentines, Tue 14 Sep 2010, 9:42, closed)

Blind Turntable Archery
in a school playground

Or flid boxing.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 14 Sep 2010, 9:48, closed)

I think I could beat a flid easy.

(waxdart hello., Tue 14 Sep 2010, 10:03, closed)

Always thought the TV was short of 'police' shows.

( Another_tragic_case wished he hadn't eaten all the cake, Tue 14 Sep 2010, 10:09, closed)

I concur...
...what if they put a camera in the back of a police car and air it on every freeview channel until 2026?
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Tue 14 Sep 2010, 12:12, closed)

Clicked.
Also, you are Charlie Brooker and I claim my five pounds.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Tue 14 Sep 2010, 10:57, closed)

Do you like classic Italian cars
yet have an irrational hatred of enclosed spaces? Could you fight off four other people compressed into a pitch-black tiny space so constricted that there's not even enough room for everyone's ribcage to expand at the same time so you have to hasitly formulate a rota for inhaling a dimishing air supply tainted by the ever increasing stench of toxic smoke from burning car seats? After wriggling about trying to get on top of the other four people would you still have the energy to kick open a locked car boot?

Our production team would like to speak to you.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 14 Sep 2010, 12:35, closed)

Or,
Are you aged 14-16 and have eschewed your tax-payer funded education for a life of petty crime and benefits dependancy you ungrateful little shit? Was it the terminal illness of a close relative that made you go off the rails and have caused you to develop a "what's the fucking point" attitude? With a vanishinly small percentage of the necessary instruction in surgery, do you think you could gamble the life of your relative by operating on them, your hands trembling as you make the first incision, your vision blurred by the tears that drip down off your cheeks into the wavering, bleeding gashes you've made into their flesh? A gamble with odds so long that there is precious hope that you may extend their life and will more likely just kill them there on the table under the bright lights and the relentless scrutiny of our cameras.

Our producers would like to speak to you.

Yeah, I reckon I could take over his column in The Guardian
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 14 Sep 2010, 12:55, closed)

How about Antiques Master!
Whereby loads of boring as sin people compete to be crowned....

....what what? shit.
(Psymon_Spark Jesus Saves! The rest of you take 4d6 damage, Tue 14 Sep 2010, 10:59, closed)

Make it with celebrities and I'll watch.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 14 Sep 2010, 11:44, closed)

Celebrities that are chosen by you, the viewer.
Celebrities that are then forced to take part.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 14 Sep 2010, 13:05, closed)

International Lichen Growing.

(SatchmoR No, mummy, don't put knitting needles in my ears!, Tue 14 Sep 2010, 12:13, closed)

How about..
16 year-old suicidal teen-mum goth transexual with world's largest arse tumour stays with right-wing christian family while looking for her long-lost father in north vietnam at the same time as battling a rare eating disorder. James Corden presents.
(Deskbound You insignificant speck of dust, Tue 14 Sep 2010, 12:48, closed)

LOL at Corden
Well not literally, as he is a talentless fat fuck who's about as funny as being kicked in the farmers by Johnny Wilkinson
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 14 Sep 2010, 12:59, closed)

That wouldn't be BBC3
that'd be Prime Time BBC1 - straight after Eastenders - they'd think they were watching an extended episode
( Another_tragic_case wished he hadn't eaten all the cake, Tue 14 Sep 2010, 13:01, closed)

Tautology
James Corden IS the world's largest arse tumour.
( Snappyuk gets BIGGER with free sample., Tue 14 Sep 2010, 14:46, closed)

Or


A sexually deficient royal servants locked inside a defunct Russian space station……ahem….

I’m a celibate equerry get me out of Mir

.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Tue 14 Sep 2010, 13:12, closed)

Get out
Go to your room and don't come back down until I say.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 14 Sep 2010, 13:16, closed)

*polite applause*
Bravo sir.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 14 Sep 2010, 15:05, closed)

Get out!
Come back here!



Now GET OUT!
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 14 Sep 2010, 15:16, closed)

*giggles*
SPANG!
(Sir Itchalot has a very self-referential signature, Tue 14 Sep 2010, 15:50, closed)

Oh Bravo!!!
*applauds*
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 14 Sep 2010, 16:59, closed)

There used to be a b3ta regular who allegedly wrote sitcoms for BBC3.
I believed him - he was nearly illiterate.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 14 Sep 2010, 19:11, closed)

was it FrankSpencer
Please say it was, that'd be a sitcom worth seeing.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 14 Sep 2010, 20:34, closed)

I know who it was
Russel Howard (in his "good news" programme) regularly managed to rip off the links board, if not the newsletter, presenting it like something he (or rather, his researchers) had managed to hunt down on the vast plains of the interwebs. Seriously, there was a whole episode last time round where the only original thing was his guest. Everything else I'd already seen on b3ta, and half the jokes he made were replies. His boyish charms from Leamington Spa went down a lot in my book from that day.
(jellybeanflicker Jesus was Korean, but there he was Cho Sun Wun, Wed 15 Sep 2010, 5:27, closed)