Details have been changed to protect the guilty
Not me, but I’ll tell you the tale anyway.

Many years ago, the British Army were issued new rifles. Gone were the old SLR ‘Elephant Guns’ and in came the shiny new SA80 plastic things. Not the most reliable bit of kit in the world, but that’s another tale. So the rifles are now largely plastic to look at as most of the barrel is hidden. Some years later....

Going on exercise means getting cold, wet and muddy. So at some point you have to get your kit cleaned before you are allowed to piss off after your weekend exercise.

Now a certain genius in this unit reasoned thus: “I will buy one of the AirSoft SA80 jobbies that weighs a fraction of the real thing, but looks identical, carry it around all weekend on this non-firing exercise, and then I can hand my unused completely clean weapon back into the armoury and leg it”.

Cunning stunt eh? Easy weekend and early knock-off.

Now there was in this unit an NCO who apparently was of the opinion that our hero was not his favourite soldier. On his case all the time for the slightest of infractions, in fact he was pretty much universally disliked by the ranks.

Post exercise, he is necking a relaxing pint in the Mess when our hero bursts in with his apparently loaded SA80 screaming “you’re going to die you bastard!”

The NCO then spends approx 5 minutes literally begging for his life as our crazed hero points the weapon between his eyes.

The assembled throng is silent, convinced that any second the room will be decorated in Dulux Brainmatter Emulsion.

Finally our hero gently squeezes the trigger, slowly taking up the pressure while maintaining demented eye contact with the doomed NCO….





“Ping”


A small orange plastic BB bounces off his forehead.

This is not an advisable route to promotion.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Thu 13 Dec 2007, 16:23, 6 replies)

Fuck the cat!
He's lucky someone didn't take him down with a real gun! *shudder*

Sounds like he had far more balls than brains... but I have to agree, that would be hilarious to see!
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 13 Dec 2007, 16:30, closed)

Hmmmm
Airsoft SA80's were not that abundant when the SA80 first came into service... I CALL SHENNANIGANS!
( M o D, Thu 13 Dec 2007, 16:31, closed)

Not being in the Army myself
I can't be sure, but I wouldn't have thought people hang around in the Mess packing.

edit: aimed at TRL
( Kroney, Thu 13 Dec 2007, 16:32, closed)

Shenanigans?
Sorry, my error. It was the airsoft version coming out that was the critical thing. Units already had the SA80. Mentioning the SLR to SA80 change was to point out that the rifle was now plastic.

I'll edit (rifle pedant!)
(osok Rebel without a clue, Thu 13 Dec 2007, 16:43, closed)

Oh my, This made me chuckle quite a lot.

( Hokerou, Thu 13 Dec 2007, 16:53, closed)

Any time you have military types with guns
you'll have armed MPs somewhere nearby, just in case someone loses their shit and does just what this guy did. So if the people in the mess hall didn't have guns, I'm sure that there was an MP somewhere near who did...

It's a chance I would not be willing to take, myself.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 13 Dec 2007, 17:17, closed)