“Daddy Tax”…

Whenever I give my kids food or drink, be it dinnertime, or just sweets / snacks etc…as soon as I hand over the goodies, I always ‘nom’ a percentage of it from under their (increasingly annoyed) noses by using the hilarious jape of ‘Daddy Tax’.

Example:

Me: “Here you go kids…here’s a bag of sweets”
Me: *hands over sweets*
Me: *puts hand in bag*
Me: *grabs handful of sweets*
Me: *Noms said sweets*
Kids: “Awww Daaaad!”
Me (attempting rubbish Alan Partridge impression): “Ah HA! – Daddy Tax!”

I’m sure I heard my 5 year old whisper ‘cunt' under his breath once.

Also, this does tend to explain why my kids stay slim and healthy, yet I bear more than a passing resemblance to Jupiter (The planet, not the Roman God)
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Mon 24 Nov 2008, 12:37, 15 replies)

Hahahaha
I can't wait to try this :P

I just spat my lunch over the screens.

*Cleeeeeeeeeek*
( Peej, Mon 24 Nov 2008, 12:41, closed)

Cheers Pooflake
I now have a comeback when I steal my kids sweets.

Clicks
(mon bison powered by magnets, Mon 24 Nov 2008, 12:46, closed)

Excellent!
I, too, take a commission. This will become our household Pooflake Memorial Daddy Tax.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Mon 24 Nov 2008, 12:49, closed)

'Memorial'...?

I wasn't planning on dying or anything just yet...

Hang on a sec...are you my doctor?
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Mon 24 Nov 2008, 12:58, closed)

Similar
But my Gran was testing for poison of course.
(DeactivateThisDisaster No., Mon 24 Nov 2008, 13:06, closed)

Hehe!
We do the 'test for poison thing'.
( girlinthehole, Mon 24 Nov 2008, 13:10, closed)

"daddy testing for poison tax"!!!
sounds good to me x
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Mon 24 Nov 2008, 23:34, closed)

we do that
but our 9 year old son uses it back on us too much, especially with my haribo
( hooker1uk Filth monger of the lowest degree!, Tue 25 Nov 2008, 21:55, closed)

"Quality control"
is my excuse - particularly with the chocolate mousse.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Mon 24 Nov 2008, 13:33, closed)

I'd hold out a big paper bag of whatever was going to the kids on the flat of my hand
and then whenever the first put their hand in I'd close my hand and grab their fingers.

They'd shriek and crap themselves but the greedy little bastards never offered to let a sibling go first.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Mon 24 Nov 2008, 13:52, closed)

We have
"I'm sorry, but I'll have to confiscate this for further testing."
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Mon 24 Nov 2008, 14:56, closed)

I do that.
But I call it a finder's fee.
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Tue 25 Nov 2008, 1:44, closed)

There are some excellent ideas above…

I think I’ll use them ALL next time.

*nom nom nom* “Finders fee”
*nom nom nom* “Further testing”
*nom nom nom* “Quality Control”
*nom nom nom* “Testing For Poison”
*nom nom nom* “Commission”
*nom nom nom* *Grabs Fingers*
*nom nom nom* “Ah HA! – Daddy Tax!”

Ay this rate, I’ll have just enough time to finish the bag of sweets before Social Services arrive and arrest me for cruelty…
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 25 Nov 2008, 9:18, closed)

Thats just reminded me that my dad did the exact same thing...
... but with the slightly less imaginative reasoning of "sweet tax"
(The_Mighty_Spleen, Tue 25 Nov 2008, 18:27, closed)

Me too
Its my fee for opening a packet of Haribo.
(kitescreech still here, Wed 26 Nov 2008, 20:03, closed)