Does anyone...
...have any stories about an unexpected fart accident? Anyone?
(h0ly_j0e needs to unfuck himself, Thu 19 Jul 2007, 11:46, Reply)

didn't think I had a story for this qotw
many moons ago, when I was young a naive(ish) I had been out on the beers in a town nearby. thoroughly hammered I got the bus back to my village

(Trev's bus from Sidmouth if anyone knows it. Legendary)

my brother and a friend of his were also on said bus, and decided that a spliff in the middle of the village was a good idea before bed.

I joined them, and being young and having consumed vast amounts of booze, the spliff had the natural affect of making my want to hurl.

At this juncture I bent over a wall to chunder into a small stream the other side, and as I released a torrent from my stomach, my arse decided it wanted in on the action and spoke it's mind.

this was met by much laughing from my brother and his friend.

It is only recently that I have stopped finding this embarrassing
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 19 Jul 2007, 11:44, Reply)

Follow through
Very quick.

We were about 7. My cousin decided not only to fart in my direction but to part his buttocks as he did it.

The result was very little sound (like a coke bottle being opened gently) since his arse cheeks were splayed for minimum reverberation but maximum exposure, and a small dollop of shit on the floor (akin to a small serving of brown sauce from a squeezy bottle).

He swore blind it wasn't him. I saw everything. It was him.
(Tim K, Thu 19 Jul 2007, 11:40, Reply)

Underground Warfare
Waiting at a Victoria line underground station with the first Mrs Vambo, I took advantage of the covering noise of the approaching train to discharge a nasty fart. I realised at once it was a mistake as it was a real hummer and smelt like nasty chemicals mixed with raw sewage. I got a withering look and an elbow to the ribs from the Mrs.

The carriage we were in had only one other occupant, she was a rather prim and proper looking lady in her 40s and was seated at the far end of the facing bench seat. Halfway between Highbury & Islington and Kings Cross, the pressure built up and as the train passed over a rough bit of track, I accidentally released a small amount of gas. “Oh well” I thought, “I may as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb” and so discharged the remainder which felt like a string of walnuts 3 feet long.

The air in the carriage turned yellow as the dense, foul gas spread out. It was a real choker!! My wife looked horrified and then started giggling. The woman diagonally opposite looked like she was in pain as she clasped her handkerchief over her nose and mouth. At Kings Cross, we leapt out and left the remaining occupant gasping for breath.
( Vambo, Thu 19 Jul 2007, 11:27, Reply)

Underground Warfare
Waiting at a Victoria line underground station with the first Mrs Vambo, I took advantage of the covering noise of the approaching train to discharge a nasty fart. I realised at once it was a mistake as it was a real hummer and smelt like nasty chemicals mixed with raw sewage. I got a withering look and an elbow to the ribs from the missus.

The carriage we were in had only one other occupant, she was a rather prim and proper looking lady in her 40s and was seated at the far end of the facing bench seat. Halfway between Highbury & Islington and Kings Cross, the pressure built up and as the train passed over a rough bit of track, I accidentally released a small amount of gas. “Oh well” I thought, “I may as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb” and so discharged the remainder which felt like a string of walnuts 3 feet long.

The air in the carriage turned yellow as the dense, foul gas spread out. It was a real choker!! My wife looked horrified and then started giggling. The woman diagonally opposite looked like she was in pain as she clasped her handkerchief over her nose and mouth. At Kings Cross, we leapt out and left the remaining occupant gasping for breath!
( Vambo, Thu 19 Jul 2007, 11:24, Reply)