I like big butts
although I'm perfectly capable of lying, and other brothers seem to have no difficulty in denying it.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 22:40, 1 reply)

I have one big fetish
Attractive women. Can't explain it, just can't get enough of 'em.
(TMAce needs to enter another image challenge sometime, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 22:33, Reply)

Cham-pag-knee
After celebrating our finals, my ex told me that she'd always wanted to pour champagne over me and then suck it off as it dripped down my rigid cyclops, a not inconsiderable journey by my reckoning. Luckily we happened to have a few bottles of Dom Perignon 1965 (could have been Babycham) left from the party and so we decided to try it.

We considered doing it in our 3ft long bath tub, but rejected it as not giving the right ambiance. The kitchen was a mess with the added risk of late night wandering by flatmates and so that just left the bedroom. As impulsive and hedonistic as we were, neither of us liked the idea of sleeping on a soaking wet, alcohol fumed bed so we scaled it down a bit.

Instead of splashing it over me we got a glass and she trickled a small amount of bubbly down me from my belly button and licked it of (which was nice). Then I had a brain wave, I could just dip my member in the glass and then quickly transfer it to her greedy lips, thus saving time and our sheets.

So I gallantly took the glass and wrestled my turgid snake into the champagne, whilst she knelt in front of me expectantly.

Our eyes met and I let out a HUGE scream, then kneed her in the face. Turns out that my urethra is actually quite sensitive to any alcohol and bubbles that pass through it in the wrong direction. In short - my dick was on fire.

I ran past the stricken girl and towards the bathroom, past some onlookers that had been attracted by my banshee like screams and quickly tried to put some cold water onto my suffering and rapidly deflating old boy.

She got a bruise that lasted a fortnight. We never tried it again
(Bo Nidle Coming back in from the cold., Thu 22 Oct 2009, 22:06, Reply)

Dentist gloves
phwoooaarr. Love it. And the way the chair lowers me onto my back, there are so many other uses I can but imagine for it.
(SoneMe, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 22:06, 5 replies)

I like to
sit in a pile of my own filth, masturbating furiously over newspaper articles of Nazi propaganda whilst my wife covers my chest with hydrofluoric acid and feeds children to a crocodile.

...Blimey.
(The Oscillating Gibbon is eating curried squid, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 21:50, 6 replies)

Reading several pages of lies and showing off...
...totally does it for me. Now excuse me, I'm off for a wank.
(Horns, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 21:39, Reply)

Giving and/or receiving "Rim Jobs"
Anyone else???
(RVD420 has his world coming down on, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 21:35, 6 replies)

Don't tell the other girls that I work with.
I recently found a new little kink in my sexual vocabulary.

While I was at work, me and this other woman were about to go deal with drug returns, and we were discussing the special new surgical type gloves that we recently had been given to wear.

We were generally mucking about and I was pretending to help her put on the gloves like you see nurses help surgeons on TV. We were having a little laugh about it, and while I was feeling the gloves she was wearing, they had a slight texture to them, I found myself getting rather turned on.

Now I'm not really attracted to girls, but it seems surgical gloves do it for me. So I relocated several pairs of said gloves to my house for further research of the subject.
(lympicita_ie, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 21:34, 3 replies)

Not bums...
but just above the curve of the buttocks some (lucky) women have these two little dimples on either side of the spine. Makes me drool like Pavlovs dogs at a bell ringing contest.

Hate tramp stamps that cover them up.
(Bo Nidle Coming back in from the cold., Thu 22 Oct 2009, 21:23, 9 replies)

Compared to some of you lot I'm rather boring
Most of mine are already up here; redheads, curvy women, decent pair of tits etc but I do have a thing for being caught in a compromising position by a random person off the street, never really understood that one, especially as I hate the thought of being caught naked. It's even better if she's wearing a skirt, doesn't bother undressing and is there with tits hanging out of her top riding me.

That and the usual fun of tying up a woman and teasing her until she's begging for it, can't go wrong there.
(TheUnthinkingMinority needs some new music to listen to., Thu 22 Oct 2009, 21:12, Reply)

Hmm..
Happy trails on guys.

I suppose it's because it draws attention downwards and on the right body it's all centered and nice.
Mmm.
(Lalalalou, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 21:04, Reply)

Not me, but an ex
liked getting touched up while driving. This particular fetish of his gave me the fear as he was a shit driver at the best of times and it went completely to hell if I granted his request. I only did this for him once which seemed to make him rather grumpy but ah well, his problem.

He also got off on fantasising that I was cheating on him with one of his friends. Unfortunately he would also take this a bit far and after some mindblowing sex (for him, not me :( ) he would accuse me of wanting to run off with whichever friend had starred in his fantasy.

Length? A few months. He was a strange man and being yelled at for bugger all gets old fast
(panda_sam, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 20:57, 4 replies)

greek chicken
A good few years ago, Mrs Spimf and I grabbed a cheap package deal to Corfu. It was one of those trips where you don’t know which resort you will stay at until arrival, upon which some high-camp, shiny faced orange mong in a blazer waves a clipboard in your face and thus seals your holiday fate. I think this type of ‘Surprise!’ allocation of final destination was pioneered in the Nazi death camps. We had looked at various resorts in the brochure and agreed they all looked fine so we were quite optimistic. The coach kept stopping to disgorge small groups of holidaymakers at quiet little resorts with clusters of stucco apartments. Each one we passed looked better than the previous and all the while we were heading further down the little island of Corfu.

By the time we realised the coach was almost empty and we were destined for the most southerly aspect of the island it was too late. Now please take note of this - Kavos is the closest thing to hell on earth. A more clichéd vulgar nightmare would be hard to find on a Sun readers Lottery win wish list. After a few days of English bars running Fools and Horses on a purgatory loop, pictures of egg and chips on laminated menus plus free 'bathtub hooch' shooters with every round, not to mention constant happy hardcore belching out of every bar, we were soon at each others throats.

Thankfully we were given a tip from a local that turned our nightmare holiday neatly around. At the very southern tip of Corfu there is a very well kept secret - a curved stretch of 3 miles or so of perfectly empty golden beach guarded by steep limestone cliffs. No pizza, no chips, no straw umbrellas, plastic wrappers or beer bottles, not even a footprint. This secret beach was only accessible either by boat (which is why is was not packed with melon sellers and tourists) or by heading inland on a rented scooter up over the hills on a very vague rubble track, then down to what soon became ‘our beach’. If you zoom in to the tip of the island - the track we bumped over on the scooter with all our day-at-the beach paraphernalia is even indicated spimfs beach A huge rock about the size of a double bed made a natural barbeque and a handy line of bone dry driftwood where the sand met the limestone cliffs meant we would spend all day there then have a fire and some food as the sun sunk into the med.

After a day or so of having the place to ourselves we dispensed with clothes altogether. At one point a fisherman puttered by on a small boat close to the shore cursing us in Greek and waving a mobile phone but I simply waved mine back (my phone that is) and nothing came of it. On the third day a hundred yards or so down the beach we saw a lone girl sunbathing naked. After a slightly awkward moment, a quick wave at each other suggested our mutual nudity was not going to be an issue. It would seem we had established our very own naturist beach.

Our beach became one of the very first places I have ever felt completely relaxed making love outdoors in the bright sunshine. Mrs Spimf will also confirm that when clad only in mask, snorkel and fins the sight of me emerging naked from the surf complete with cold shrivelled willy, looks every bit as daft as it sounds.

One evening, after a meal of barbequed chicken, red snapper and Greek salad Mrs Spimf and I were standing at the shore bickering as the bio-luminescent green waves crashed at our feet. It was very dark that night; the only light was from our fire further up the beach. The bickering was annoying me. Mrs Spimf, was still nagging that her chicken had been underdone, a fact I was dismissing out of hand. She didn’t twig at first but I was nearly done by the time she realised that I was standing beside her, hands on hips, casually pissing on her leg.

After the fight we packed up the gear and were just about to wobble home full of cheap wine on our little moped when Mrs Spimf decided a blowjob was a damn fine idea. Who was I to argue? I was just settling into the affair when all hell broke loose. My entire genital area was suddenly hot and wet. Mrs Spimf was gagging horribly. How some people can see being vomited on as a turn on is beyond me?

I stomped back up the beach after washing myself in the surf to find poor Mrs Spimf in a very bad way. She ended up in a clinic for two days with a temperature nudging 104 (during which i did the right thing - I went out with three girls from our hotel to a foam party). She still maintains it was the chicken. Naturally I blamed the salad.

So our little trip included:

Naturism
Voyeurism
Al fresco sex; oral vaginal and anal (well I was on holiday).
Pissing
And as I believe it is called - emetophilia

I don’t recommend emetophilia, and Mrs Spimf doesn’t recommend my barbecue chicken.
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 20:36, 2 replies)

Justin Lee Collins.
Pre-skinniness.
(Arctix, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 20:34, Reply)

I think...
My perfect man would have to be an Irish fireman with curly hair.

That said, I wouldn't swap Mr. Anodyne for the world *breaks out curling tongs*
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 22 Oct 2009, 20:32, 1 reply)

Normal stuff
I look at massive amounts of porn online, but always come back to the basics....
A naturally pretty girl with the right curves in the right places...nice thighs and bum, a little bit of a tummy, heavy natural breasts, unshaved pubes, and someone below mentioned it but a little armpit stubble is no problem at all either.
I often have to frequent "BBW and fatty" sites to find what I would call women with perfectly normal figures.
The real turn ons are tight-ish clothes that show the curves....I love cycling shorts on a girl, johdpurs etc are good too.

Dyed blonds girls, nuclear afterglow fake tan, beachball fake tits and quims that looks like a plucked chicken just dont do it for me at all.
(dave likes cheese, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 20:29, 2 replies)

Camel Toe
Spoing!
(Sir Tainley Barking Ezekiel 23:20, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 20:22, 2 replies)

Well
Only one really; I like womens armpits. Not the smell, the appearance of them. A little bit of stubble is pretty good.
(kitescreech still here, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 20:15, Reply)

Hands and arms
I have no idea where this came from, but:
A man in his shirt-sleeves, where the sleeve is rolled up to the elbow and around the wrist is a nice watch. Not unlike this (SFW) (and oh damn it that's perfect.....) The hands at the end of the wrist have to be good too, and that's where this becomes unquantifiable! For some reason the hand is much MUCH sexier with a wedding ring on it, yet goatse does nothing for me.
(Mrs Trellis GIN, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 20:14, 5 replies)

Flat chested girls
No idea why but large or even "normal" sized breasts do nothing for me.
( Snollock Biffer I don't really sniff Bollocks, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 20:08, 4 replies)

I think this says it all really.



Unfortunately not all men look this good in ladies underwear.
( girlinthehole, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 20:00, 10 replies)

Hunger fetish
I went out with a guy for a few weeks who wanted me to starve myself until you could see my ribs. He said it was because he wanted me to get over food until I was 'only hungry for cock'. Although I noticed in the time I was going out with him that he was obsessed with the holocaust, and when I spoke to his ex she said he asked her to put on schindlers list and nosh him off. I ran from him faster than a paedophile making his way round a circus in a clown suit giving out free candy.
(MissUnexpectedNuttering Mad to live, Mad to talk, and burn, burn, burn...., Thu 22 Oct 2009, 19:49, 1 reply)

After raiding a flatmate's DVD stash
We figured he had a fetish for women fucking each other in the arse.

Turns out "Anal Lesbians 6" was actually three hours of a couple of women going through their fridge and sorting the contents in alphabetical order.
(DarkLite swallowed my entire undercarriage, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 19:46, 1 reply)

A guy
I knew at university desperately wanted to be given a marmite blowjob - that being his John Thomas liberally coated with marmite being sucked clean by his girlfriend. One night I heard a commotion in the corridor and went outside to discover the guy with marmite smeared all over his winkie, groin, and upper thighs, leaning against the wall very drunk, and his now somewhat distressed girlfriend hurrying semi-nakedly down the corridor with marmite smeared liberally across her face and hands.
(Zapiola zip-zap-zop, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 19:36, Reply)

Until
a few months ago I lived with a very pleasant Japanese chap. He told me at great length about one of his favourite fetishes/kinks to get off too.

First of all he would procure a cucumber, peel it, then insert it into a condom, before getting his naked girlfriend to bend over so that he could insert it (back or front was apparently a spur of the moment thing). He would then put on a nappy (her request), and lead her around the room on a leash for a bit so that the cucumber could 'do its work'. After a few minutes of this he would shit himself (again her request - she apparently enjoyed changing nappies) or piss on her. They would then copulate like rabid bunnies. He also apparently got off one doing the cucumber thing and making her go to the library or to the supermarket.

When he told me this, I suddenly realised why he had rubber sheets in his room.
(Zapiola zip-zap-zop, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 19:28, Reply)

Posh Tottie

I just can't get enough of it. The posher and snobbier the better. The more superior they think they are to everyone the more I want them. And I'm not talking about some old prune, but a young, beautiful brat.

I hit the jackpot a few weeks ago when I serviced a young stuck-up toff beneath her desk while she studied, and upon reaching climax, she slapped my face and declared 'One is arriving!'
( Regger, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 19:22, 1 reply)

Ming the Merciless
Well, not him. his daughter. Having her way with me on that nice massive bed in their palace on planet Mongo.
( gypsy turnips, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 19:22, 1 reply)

Third time I posted this story
A friend of mine once revealed his ultimate fantasy: to have sex with a girl while the two of them are covered in baked beans.
He has a girlfriend now, i wonder how long before I get drunk and start making beans jokes around them.
(cH3$h7846J#7, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 19:21, Reply)

There's a technical difference between a kink and a fetish.
People use the two terms interchangeably, but there is a difference.

Now, a FETISH is a sexual excitement over an inanimate object. Like if someone were to, say, actually get wood at the sight of a 2009 Pewter Denim Harley-Davidson Street Bob with black Vance and Hines Sideshots, 14 inch apes, and the blacked-out engine casings.

Whereas a KINK would be sexual enjoyment over something uncommon. Like if someone where to, say, beg The Girlfriend to wear full riding gear to bed - e.g. leather jacket, riding chaps, goggles, and helmet - and asked her to scream out which "gear" she was in so that you knew how close she was to, er, redlining.

Hopefully you all have learned something from this post.
(jessemoya, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 19:07, 6 replies)

many it seems
in porn i like: fisting,big dildo,insertion,lesbian porn (most of it including the anal domination) futanari and quite a bit more
otherwise: getting pegged, girls with piercings, girls with hair colours not seen naturally,dont mind getting spanked but not too hard ^_^
(imgunnabesick rawr ^ \_/ ^, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 19:02, 1 reply)