housesitting
my uncle and his new wife went on holiday about 20 years ago, leaving me and my older sister to look after their house. i refused to eat or sleep in that house until it had been cleaned. highlights included:
floors coated with hair from the dog that had died six months previously
bedsheets that actually crunched
washing machine detergent drawer welded shut with dirt
floral pattern on the carpet that turned out to be mould
fist-sized hole in the bathroom floor, leading to the kitchen, through which toilet roll tubes were dropped
a yoda lookalike parade of half-rotten apples in the cupboard
a sock stuck to the bedroom wall by its own festering foot juices
underwear that could practically walk and had skidmarks older than me
a kitchen sink with a layer of grease on the water so thick you could actually pick it up in one piece

the worst, however, was the cooker. after 3 hours of cleaning it, which included having to scrape slices of grime and grease off the top, rings and front, i discovered that it had a digital timer. you couldn't see the numbers through the shite. there was about 6 meals worth of food welded to the floor of the oven and the shelves had stalactites of crap hanging off them.
i went home after 2 days, i just couldn't bear it.

the last time i went there was in december, to drop off christmas cards. it was just as bad, if not worse.

i really don't know why he married her.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 27 Mar 2010, 22:14, 6 replies)

surely that works both ways?
he must be just as messy
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sat 27 Mar 2010, 22:49, closed)

not until he married her
he was in the army and always kept himself tidy. as soon as he met her, he changed. he still tried to get her to clean up a bit, but she put a stop to that. he's totally whipped.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 27 Mar 2010, 23:00, closed)

Clicks for these
a yoda lookalike parade of half-rotten apples in the cupboard

a kitchen sink with a layer of grease on the water so thick you could actually pick it up in one piece

barfs
(insomniac-surfer oh go on then, just this once, Sun 28 Mar 2010, 0:07, closed)

it was like superman
when he freezes the top of that lake, then picks it up.
except a lot scummier.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 28 Mar 2010, 0:37, closed)

fist-sized hole in the bathroom floor, leading to the kitchen, through which toilet roll tubes were dropped
Every house should have one of those
( Lord Keeps meaning to procrastinate., Sun 28 Mar 2010, 15:23, closed)

or failing that
a wastebasket
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 0:36, closed)