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This is a question Foot in Mouth Syndrome

What's the worst social gaffe you've ever made? When you know you've said the wrong thing to the wrong person and wish the ground would swallow you up. In other words you've just contracted a bad case of foot in mouth syndrome. Tell us your stories and we'll share your pain.

(, Tue 20 Apr 2004, 22:27)
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the absolute worst
it was that time again: as a poor student, I was going to visit my mom. so I wore one of my funny T-shirts, with a drawing of a stickman hanging by his neck and the text "This man is dead". all fine.. until we got home, where one of my mom's friends and her son were also visiting. as I took of my coat and my shirt was revealed, silence blanketed the room. turns out the friend's fiancee had just committed suicide 2 days ago... by hanging himself.
(, Fri 23 Apr 2004, 13:45, Reply)
I hate Excell
Working with Excell, being still hung over, had utterly forgotten how excell "count" function worked. Turned to my old lady boss, and calmly asked "How does the cunt function work in excell?"
Hometime!!
(, Fri 23 Apr 2004, 13:41, Reply)
Not what i said, but what i did.
I used to have a little green mini cooper.
I was on my way to uni in it one wet november morning, and seeing a large puddle next to a bus stop full of people I decided to drive through it, soaking everyone.
The problem was the puddle was deeper than i thought and the water got into the engine, about 50 yards further on and in full view of the now drenched bus stop the car completley stopped.
needless to say i locked all the doors and managed to get it started again before anyone could drag me out and give me the smacking i so thouroughly deserved

Another quick one.
When i was younger my dad said to me "show a little more respect towards me and your mum. We've had to go without because of having you"
As quick as you like i responded with,
"no dad,its because you couldn't go with out that you had me"
(, Fri 23 Apr 2004, 13:17, Reply)
Could also have been put under 'rude to a celebrity'
A few years ago, my boyfriend was invited to a sixth form ball by one of his mates. The school it was being held at (which his mate's cousin and a lot of his mate's friends attended) was an extremely exclusive girls boarding school with the daughters of some very rich and influential people.

At the ball, and feeling slightly out of place, my boyfriend proceded to get totally rat-arsed on the free wine. Then, he noticed that, among all the parents who had been invited, there was none other than John Gummer (you know, the Tory MP who fed his kid a beefburger in some ill-advised publicity stunt while he was Agriculture minister during the whole BSE crisis). So up he went to the man himself, and made a loud and 'hilarious' quip about burgers and mad cows. He doesn't remember exactly what he said (or indeed much of the rest of the night), but he quite clearly remembers the look of utter contempt from Mr Gummer.
(, Fri 23 Apr 2004, 13:09, Reply)
I'm not funny
At a party, a friend and I were discussing the fact that all "Same Heads"(Down Syndrome people. It's not my term, my friend kept using it) were always happy, or at least looked it. Ha ha ha ha oh how funny we are.

A lady stood with her back to us turned around and said "My nephew has Downs Syndrome". Well you can imagine my expression of deep sorrow and embarassment. But, it was all made better again when she followed with " and h'es a right miserable F**KER!"

Wicked.
(, Fri 23 Apr 2004, 12:52, Reply)
If only John of "John's Not Mad" fame were to enter...
I bet he'd have a fair few stories of "foot in mouth" to tell.

e.g. "I accidently called my mum a slut on national television and spat at her. And I've accidently done that approximately 14 thousand times since. Oh the shame."
(, Fri 23 Apr 2004, 12:52, Reply)
A bit of "Who's ya father?"
A proud new Greek father, Stathis, explained to me that in his family the first born boys are all given the same "family" first name, "Stathis". So I think he himself had been a first son. I wasn't listening too closely, he might have said "Antonis", his brothers name.

His wife was still in the maternity unit having just had his first son.

I met her some months later and was engaging in the usual new baby congratulations. I momentarily couldn't remember exactly what I'd been told. I stumbled, mid gush, wanting to use the baby's name. So I blurted "It was Stathis? wasn't it?"

And got the reply "Yes! Who the hell did you think it was?"

Aggg. I've never had a chance to explain.

Oh well, if I'd blurted "It was Antonis? wasn't it?" instead, she could have thought I was suggesting she'd been shagging her brother in law. So, either way, I think I was doomed.

Hmmm. Maybe that was why she was so oversensitive.
(, Fri 23 Apr 2004, 12:42, Reply)
Dead mans chair
Not just me - but a whole office:
A few years back I started a job in the accounts department of a big dental company on a Monday, and everyone seemed very nice apart from one chap who was ever so shy and quiet. Wednesday lunchtime comes around, and Mr. Shy goes off as usual, and doesn't come back. Seeing as my chair was knackered I thought I'd borrow his for the afternoon. The entire office then spent Wednesday afternoon joking about where he'd got to, with the usual "perhaps he's been run over by a bus...."

You guessed it.

Thursday morning and the whole office is called to a meeting with the MD, who informs us that Mr. Shy had apparently gone, without telling anyone, for an interview with one of our competitors. The interview must have gone badly because as he came out of their offices he walked across a dual carriageway - right in front of a truck.

Cue me swapping chairs back quietly......
(, Fri 23 Apr 2004, 12:36, Reply)
On my way back from a few too many beverages
I was ushered into the same tube by my drunken mates to "keep an eye" on one of our numbers alleged missus. She's pretty easy to wind up so I launched into a story about how I'd been paid 20 by her man to spy on her and report back to him on any extacurricular activities. Surprisingly (for me) the random bloke sat next to her took to this story rather badly, as it turns out they were on their way back to his.. Needed my Forrest Gump legs for that one, and the day after being chased through Notting Hill Gate by an equally drunken and enraged rugby player she managed to get away with having a right go at the boyfriend blaming it all on me. Slag.
(, Fri 23 Apr 2004, 12:21, Reply)

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