The Bint & the Band
There was this Bint who lived below us in our flat in Harrow.

The flat was the top floor of a two-storey house that had been converted into flats, as had many in the street. Road, Street? It was called Southfield Park, which sounds very grand. So, the flat was the top floor of a two-storey house that had been converted into flats, as had many in the Park.

Anyway, these conversions all share considerable issues regarding sound insulation. In a two-storey Edwardian house, if you're on the ground floor, you can hear stuff going on on the first floor, and vice versa.

Putting a partition wall up on the stairs to the first floor & making two front doors does not address this issue.

Nevertheless, such arrangements are frequently made, creating two flats from one house.

We moved in when there was a very pleasant, and virtually silent, old lady occupying the ground floor. We never heard a peep out of her, and I'm willing to bet she didn't hear any peeps out of us, as we are considerate people & respect neighbours.

Unlike The Bint.

Sadly & inevitably, the virtually silent old lady on the ground floor became a deceased old lady, and the flat was sold to new owners. One of them was the person we came to refer to as The Bint.

Over the years, and there were two of them, we had a fair few run-ins with The Bint over noise issues. Ultimately it all came down to her (The Bint) playing music loudly at night. Actually, it wasn’t music in general. She had a propensity for a, I believe, Jimi Hendrix track. It’s called “Hey, Joe, what are you doing with that gun in your hand”, and she (The Bint) played it loud. Frequently.

That particular rendition of that song, by that artist has a strong, ascending, bass line. It reverberated throughout our flat, and vibrated my breastbone in a most disconcerting manner.

This would cause me to dwell excessively on the possible solutions to The Bint. These possible solutions largely consisted of Bint death.

I later recognised this as stress. Much later.

This went on for a while. There were many situations in which Jimi, & his bass line, fucked me off, big time.

Then there was this one day………

Mrs richardinsydney & I were both home. Weekend. Mrs R was occupied in the living room watching TV. I was in the study doing some study stuff. Thudding base music of the Jimi kind rose up and vibrated my breastbone, of a sudden.

I was distressed by this, but carried on.

After a while, the vibration of my breast bone pushed me over the edge & a red mist came down. The Bint was in the garden at the back of the property with some no-doubt bint-worthy buddy slurping Chardonnay & tonic, listening to this stress-inducing shite.

I curtailed my studying activities & sallied forth to the bedroom at the rear of the property in order to observe The Bint & her compatriot.

I hurled open the window. (Don’t forget, the Red Mist has come down a little earlier, & I am therefore absolved etc…)

Sash window.

Window goes up.

I lean out of the window and SCREAM, yes totally screaming: “Turn it off, Fucking turn it off. FUCKING TURN IT OFF”

I am at the end of my tether. The very end.

I slam the window down: SLAM!!!!

The window shatters: It rains glass fragments down on The Bint & her suitable buddy.

I didn’t expect this outcome, but I’m happy with it: glass on The Bint. Muwahahahaha.

I turn around, and Mrs R is standing in the doorway of the bedroom. She is absolutely horror-stricken.

Three words: “It’s not her”

Turns out next property over they had a live band for a birthday party.

Fuck. Sort that one out.
(RichardInSydney would like to know why teh date & time is, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 23:30, 24 replies)

>break at the end of every line
>post fills the entire screen

Brilliant, so well written! *click*
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 23 Aug 2012, 0:10, closed)

I want to hear more about your breastbone and how it vibrates.

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 23 Aug 2012, 0:12, closed)

You seem like a bit of a prick.
Probably a racist too.
Frankly, anyone that doesn't like Jimi Hendrix doesn't deserve to live.
So hurry up and die you racist prick.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 23 Aug 2012, 7:19, closed)

may not be racist,
but the Hendrix comment is spot on.

What sort of person hates Hendrix to this extent?

Bieber fans, that's who.
(magic the cat will someone please think of the kittens, Thu 23 Aug 2012, 14:08, closed)

So you never once thought to calmly raise this issue, even though you claimed to be respectful neighbours?
Do one, you fucking bender.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 23 Aug 2012, 7:41, closed)

So your story is that you don't have the stones to go and talk to a neighbour to sort out a minor irritation?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 23 Aug 2012, 8:08, closed)

Thanks for the nice replies
I don't see how you get a racist vibe off this, and I tried to get The Bint to understand that playing loud music late at night was antisocial behaviour on several occasions, to no avail.

I was driven to the end of my tether by this woman's total disregard for her fellow man.

If you can read anything other than that into this tale, then you are total cunts. Get fucked.
(RichardInSydney would like to know why teh date & time is, Thu 23 Aug 2012, 8:50, closed)

You fucking Tarquin.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 23 Aug 2012, 9:06, closed)

Get YOU precious.
You racist prick.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 23 Aug 2012, 9:10, closed)

Ah, well
I guess this is just mindless abuse for the sake of being a cunt. Farewell, cunts
(RichardInSydney would like to know why teh date & time is, Thu 23 Aug 2012, 10:05, closed)

Yeah, whatever.
Go back to Stormfront with the rest of your type.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 23 Aug 2012, 10:08, closed)

Top work, stuj. Excellent flounce provoking.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 23 Aug 2012, 10:10, closed)

:D
I dunno what it is with these racists Brayn, you'd think their skin would be just a bit thicker given that their heads are.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 23 Aug 2012, 10:12, closed)

dunno what stormfront is...
...just happy to be the fuck out of the UK on the sunny NSW coast. You'd really like it here. Far less cunts.

"flounces"
(RichardInSydney would like to know why teh date & time is, Thu 23 Aug 2012, 10:22, closed)

Far more going by all the aussies I've met.
No doubt you fit in well there, ALL Australians are massive racists.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 23 Aug 2012, 10:24, closed)

Nice stereotyping
Did you train for that?
(RichardInSydney would like to know why teh date & time is, Thu 23 Aug 2012, 10:51, closed)

Just calling it as I see it.
Did you train to be such a massive racist or does it just come naturally to you?
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 23 Aug 2012, 10:56, closed)

I'm not going to rise to the cunty racist thing
so why bother? Much nicer life here, with my bitches, my coconuts, my stash 'n' all. you feel me, motherfucker?
(RichardInSydney would like to know why teh date & time is, Thu 23 Aug 2012, 11:10, closed)

I'm just glad that you're not in the UK.
We've got too many racists here as it is, without you adding to the number.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 23 Aug 2012, 11:14, closed)

same, same
get original, bitch
(RichardInSydney would like to know why teh date & time is, Thu 23 Aug 2012, 11:17, closed)

Oh, just stop this intolerable racism.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 23 Aug 2012, 11:21, closed)

Best thread ever.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 23 Aug 2012, 12:59, closed)

It's awful isn't it vaggy?
He says he's not a racist and then apes the way that he thinks black criminals talk.
If we had decent mods here he'd be banned for his racism.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 23 Aug 2012, 13:14, closed)

Fewer.
Flounce accepted though.
( Infidel , shit and wrong, Thu 23 Aug 2012, 13:06, closed)