Dear Ryanair
1. You are a bunch of rich cunts. But, unfortunately, you're proud of that fact.
2. You hate people. You hate your staff. You hate your passengers. Your contempt for people is utterly unparalleled. They hate you. Its fine. However, your flights are astonishingly cheap.
3. I have the solution to your PR. It will make you nicer and people might not hate you as much. Therefore - ultimately richer!
4. Here's a clue. I would rather pay £50 IN ONE GO for a flight, than a flight advertised at £1 with £49 worth of hidden extras, totalling £50 because I feel every time you do this, I feel like i am being raped by a stupid irish cock. You make me feel like shit. Which is why I fly Easyjet now. Who incidentally, are like a Bugatti Veyron to your rusty reliant robin.
5. Make the inside of your planes SLIGHTLY nicer. Just tone down that fucking yellow.
6. Michael Leary whatever your name is. You are a cunt.
7. Profit!
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Fri 1 Aug 2008, 16:08, 14 replies)

Fuck yeah
The Ryanair experience seems explicitly designed to enrage people. And those yellow plastic seats really freak me out.
(lost, Fri 1 Aug 2008, 16:18, closed)

Do the same
for Jet2.com

Another lot that advertise really cheap tickets and then add on every charge they can think of.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Fri 1 Aug 2008, 16:35, closed)

Here Here!
Click!
( DUMBLONDE is a rubber lover girl, Fri 1 Aug 2008, 16:54, closed)

ding ding ding
we have a WINNNNNNNNER
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Fri 1 Aug 2008, 16:55, closed)

@DUMBBLONDE
Where Where?

/grammarnazi
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Fri 1 Aug 2008, 17:08, closed)

Fucking BMI baby
are doing the same now - even charging you to check in.

FFS charging to check in. I tried to say fuck it I'll do it myself but they then charge for internet check in as well

butt fucking sons of bitches

I would have driven or got the bus/train if petrol wasn't so fucking expensive as well
(magic the cat will someone please think of the kittens, Fri 1 Aug 2008, 17:44, closed)

Easyjet
I used to fly Ryanair to my girlfriends... thank fuck they stopped flying that route and I use Easyjet instead! All Easyjet need to do is to start serving complimentary drinks and food, and they'll put BA out of business.
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Fri 1 Aug 2008, 19:40, closed)

Hear hear again
I absolutely refuse to fly Ryanair ever again, even if they are the cheapest fare to wherever it is I happen to be going, simply because they are cnuts and heartily proud of it. More contempt for the paying public I have never witnessed, nor am I ever likely to. Michael Leary: your mother sucks cocks in Hell.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 1 Aug 2008, 21:30, closed)

Holy crap yes
Case in point; The missus tried to book tickets online with Ryanair a few months back. She found a bargain, two tickets for about ten pounds each. Click! Into the basket they went. Then came the 'extras'.

Now, she's no fool. She was fully expecting a few additional charges. You're adding Airport Tax? Yes, of course. Click.
Plus fuel surcharge? Fair enough. Click.
Do we want priority booking? No thanks. Click.
Travel insurance? Nah. Click.
How many bags to check in? Let's say two. Click.
Crikey, £28 for two bags? OK, we can probably cram everything into one. Click back. Change to one bag. Click.
Blimey, eight pounds for one bag? Let's just put everything in our hand-luggage. Click back. Change to zero bags. Click.

Eh?

They want to charge us four pounds to check in NO bags?

Bastards.

Ooh, and Ryanair are also the worst lot for doing their advertising via news stories as free publicity. Remember that bunkum a few years back about how they were banning employees from charging their mobiles at work, "To make savings which could keep tickets cheap"? Plenty of tabloids reported that press release as news, without thinking to question it. Cue lots of free publicity for a tatty airline, despite the fact that the mobile-charging ban would save them about fifty pence a day.
(costas, Sat 2 Aug 2008, 0:57, closed)

ryanair
Im just waiting for them to change the pre-flight safety instructions....

"And in the event of cabin depressurisation, oxygen masks will drop down from the panel above you. Insert a One Pound coin into the slot above your head to start the flow of oxygen....."
(dave likes cheese, Sat 2 Aug 2008, 7:45, closed)

I have had no problem with them
And if you use a Visa Electron card, it avoids the Card charge- the only one that does.
Been to Rome, Dublin, and am going to Edinburgh with them- Edinburgh works out at £10 a head from Bournemouth, which I can get to in 20 minutes from my house. Superb! The service is shit, but I close my eyes and sleep for the flight, ignore the staff on board, and treat it like a bus. Which, to all intents and purposes, it is, albeit one that flies.
( Duke Of Belmsford has got 99 records, but Jay-Z ain't one, Sat 2 Aug 2008, 10:59, closed)

Ryanair Revenge
a) Web check in. No charges, and sometimes you get the priority crap so queue jump the hippos and mouthbreathers.. Vital for nabbing window/legroom seats and resultant avoidance of praying mantis impersonations

b) Invest in a pair of cargo combats, the multitudinous pockets saved my arse at Christmas as everything crammed into them doth not count towards luggage/weight allowance. Also wearing of multiple socks/jumpers/coats, shuffling through security like a michelin (wo)man, before promptly removing them and re-packing into a second bag. Nobody will dare question the loony.

b) Take your own food, and an empty bottle to fill up at the drink fountain airside. On board, grin like a mong at the cabin crew before pulling out a bijou 3 course lunch, bonus points for bringing a teapot and demanding free hot water, or wearing a tea-cosy on your head.

c) When the cheesy fanfare blasts on landing, stand up and applaud loudly.

d) baa like a sheep upon leaving. If raining, may be substituted with quacking.

Theyre the only ones who fly remotely close to where my family live.. :(

The teapot worked, albeit through LIES of my tea being special tea, on prescription no less to be taken at certain times daily.. What?
(Hikikomori** watching cartoons on, Sun 3 Aug 2008, 21:37, closed)

Prescription Tea?
Genius! And the best thing is that the more people who nab the idea the more flight attendants hear it- so the more believeable it is!
( uberdeity Wondered why Owen Lars knew of the term "hell" on, Tue 5 Aug 2008, 14:12, closed)

The teapot was a present..
..since their baggage handlers play rugby with suitcases it went into hand luggage. Then the lightbulb pinged "What if..?" so I slung some teabags in there too.
If pressed you could claim its St Johns Wort, for your depressive/schizoid "episodes", whilst smiling sweetly with the occasional "twitch".

I've not tried the tea cosy yet (though perhaps it would serve a useful boring turd-scarer against predatory seat searchers) I do however possess a lovely cat-hat with ears.. A French security guard jumped out booming "J'adore votre chapeau!" whilst waving a gun near my face.. which was nice..
(Hikikomori** watching cartoons on, Tue 5 Aug 2008, 18:14, closed)