Changing room goddess
Every gym seems to have them. They're the fit, toned types who strut around the gym with the sole purpose of smiling inanely and looking great, only exerting themselves to the point where they might break into a sweat before wandering off sipping from a bottle of expensive mineral water.

That's bad enough in the gym itself, but even worse in the changing rooms when the Barbie dolls insist on stripping off and wandering around sans clothes as if to remind everyone else how flabby and wobbly they are and rub their noses in it.

I'd just finished my workout and was cowering in the corner of the changing room, struggling under a large towel and trying not to air too much flesh when one of these vapid nymphs floated into view wearing a small towel round her waist looking for all the world like a freshly lobotomized catologue model.

"Look at my breasts. Look. At My. Breasts. Aren't they perfect?"

Just then Barbie decides she's going to get into the shower and drops her towel when the whole illusion of perfection is abruptly shattered by her unfeasibly gargantuan muff. Honestly, it looked like she was trying to smuggle a cat under her towel.

I'm sure she looked slightly offended as I sniggered away in the corner.
(ChestyLaRue, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:55, 12 replies)

i trust
that your clopper is trimmed and plucked to perfection?
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:59, closed)

Plucked?
surely one doesn't pluck down there? I thought hedge trimmers would be de riguer
( Blind Meach Cautiously optimistic, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 13:06, closed)

i heard
that controlled burning is the next big thing.

lady ga-ga apparantly gets her clam hair singed off every single month, whether she needs it or not, at the world renowned Simon Weston clinic.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 13:11, closed)

That's even worse!
I had a girly type friend once who liked it short on me so to speak, I tried the singe method myself.

Prizes to who can guess what happened next.

Suffice it to say I'll never dabble with the butane arts again.
( Blind Meach Cautiously optimistic, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 13:13, closed)

Nice to see the word 'clopper'
gaining more useage on here :)
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 10 Jul 2009, 13:09, closed)

Photos
or it never happened
( MisterPunch did it that way on, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 13:05, closed)

I love breats!

( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 13:10, closed)

This also reminds me...
... of about the only funny story I have that's gym related. I used to work in one, and was standing at the counter idly chatting up the lovely reception girl, when a woman came in. Bear in mind we were running short of towels as the company that cleans them hadn't been in that morning. When asked politely if she could possibly make do with the one towel, she got in an dreadfull strop;

"I get awfully wet you know" and stormed off

I didn't really want to know any more after that
( Blind Meach Cautiously optimistic, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 13:17, closed)

Well, that's pissed on my bonfire
The only story I could think of was about gigantaminge - every gym has at least one or two.

Thanks.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 13:32, closed)

Could be worse...
...Chesty clearly has problems spelling "Breats".
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 10 Jul 2009, 13:34, closed)

Poking out the sides of the swimsuit right
?
( Blind Meach Cautiously optimistic, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 13:46, closed)

The correct term, I believe, is
"spiderfight"
(Dr Teeth Who asked you, you fuckin' hobbit?, Sun 12 Jul 2009, 1:47, closed)