Water
When I was younger I had a deal with the water spirits who lived in the bathroom pipes. Or more accurately, I understood their nature and was both terrified and took advantage of it on a regular basis.

For you see - the water spirits that live in all water want our love - and our souls, you can tell by the way the water holds you and caresses and strokes your body when you are with it - and the gurgling sucking angry sounds it makes when it's forced to leave us down the drains, bitter and aghast at how we've tossed it aside.

As long as you're in water - things are ok, the water likes to be close to you, it likes to share your body and time and attention and it thinks things are happy and, like an innocent young woman believing that the man she adores truly loves her and isn't just using her body - Water more than willingly helps with cleaning up, taking care of whatever is going on, participates in the weirdest of play - and does basically whatever you might desire.

But when you thoughtlessly, causally and uncaringly pull the plug on this relationship, and the water suddenly realizes you were just *using* it all this time, that the love it felt for you was not returned - it's scorned heart turns in a downward spiral and it cries out as it's drawn away against it's will and the hurt from your loveless rejection changes it from warmth and acceptance to despondence and need - and then, heedless of the consequences - the water tries to take you with it.

It pulls at your body, you can feel your self get heavier and heavier as the bathwater tries to pull you down with it - it grabs at your spirit, causing you to shiver as it leaves your body - each evaporating bit taking your life energy with it leaving you cold and lifeless (if it had it's way...)

Water would take your heart out of your chest and swallow it whole... if you let it.

Toilets are the worst of course - the relationship in that situation is so one sided, the poor water just takes and takes everything you dish out - only ever accepting you and being there for you through all your worst moments, whether you're sick or in pain or wretchedly suffering through punishment that's only ever really your own fault... the water is there, it catches all your mess, all your disgust, all your wasted results of poor choices and unthought out decisions... it takes it all and, at most - when you're particularly violent and horrible to it - it might reach up to touch your cheek for just a moments caress in return, offering all the solace it can in your moment of vulnerability.

But do you stay with it? Do you carry it with you? Do you care about it's hopes? it's dreams? it's love? do you, ever *once* ask it how it's day was?

No.

You, with the meerest tug of a finger, the smallest acknowledgment of a goodbye wave - pull a handle and discard it from your life, throw it not just to the ground - but under it, because you don't want to see it, you'd rather it just go away.

Is it any surprise it sounds so upset and angry and sad and desperate as it goes down?

I recognized all of this as a child, and did the only thing I could ... I made sure I was far far away before the toilet was done flushing, or the bath or sink water was done draining - recognizing the mystical protection of the threshold, I crossed as many doorways (closing them if possible) as I could while the water raged behind me. I would count them as I passed through and promise myself anything - wishes for every doorway! - as long as I kept moving, and got as much space and time between me and the angry, waiting, hungry, poor spirits as I could.

Being trapped in the room with a draining bathtub... or a flushing commode... especially one that had TASTED me... filled my small frame with such a sinking dread and terror like nothing else - I knew it was a surefire way to lose my soul, to have to fight for my eternal essence against water spirits ancient and powerful (though thankfully usually smaller than me) - I could *feel* it in every gurgle and moan from the drain.

So I ran (if no one was looking) and went through room after room - from public restrooms (so smart to put doors on the cubicles in there! that's one door for sure!), from home bathrooms (going floors away to use a bathroom on the other side of the house, so I'll have plenty of space afterward to escape into), all from that horrible wailing gurgling lonely noise.

I'm over it now, I've grown up and put my old superstitions away, I made my peace and I don't believe such silly things anymore - heck the other week I even flushed the toilet and then confidently walked directly into the running shower - nakedly putting myself at the mercy of the water in it's place of utmost power - utterly unafraid!

...

I may never need to apologize for length again.
( Allisade would love to hear from you, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:09, 23 replies)

tl;dr

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:20, closed)

well, now, what was the point of that?
Frankly, you either bother reading it and you comment, or you don't and you don't. No need to piss on someone's chips like that.

Oh, and *click* to the OP - nuts, but fantastic
(jennymnemonic, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:30, closed)

Well I read it and I'm drinking water to piss on his chips even more.

(waxdart hello., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:48, closed)

Beats me
They're out in force today for some reason
(Cloudane, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 19:04, closed)

the point?
I dunno, they might learn to edit their waffle down to a manageable length next time?

While we're on the subject, what was the point of you replying to me? Were you just feeling sanctimonious and felt like sharing?
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 12:35, closed)

I just don't like people being pointlessly rude or dismissive
particularly if they aren't going to offer something themselves.
If someone's taken the trouble to write a story, why just knock it out of hand without even reading it?
If it's too long for your personal taste, just skip it, yeah? Don't be spiteful.
(jennymnemonic, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 13:50, closed)

"if they aren't going to offer something themselves"
a) I've already written a story for this particular QOTW - it was about a fifth the length of this drivel
b) jennymnemonic has posted 73 stories and 202 replies on question of the week, while emvee has posted 354 stories and 795 replies on question of the week

You've been a member of this site for only eight months less than me, and yet you've yet to offer a quarter of what I have done on this board alone. In short, go fuck yourself you supercilious cunt, and come back when you've got some kind of argument that holds water. How's that for pointlessly rude and dismissive?

[edit] while I'm at it, get a fucking icon you tightfisted twat
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 15:13, closed)

wow...
someone's having a right paddy, aren't they?

All I was doing was trying to defend someone's story, but it looks like I've enraged an autism by mistake. Ah well.
(jennymnemonic, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 16:03, closed)

No argument, so reverting to insults
but yet your internet white-knightery is hugely impressive

they'll probably give you a seat at the internet round table for this
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 16:42, closed)

I've never quite understood why people do this. Were I so half-witted that I couldn't manage three or four paragraphs in a row, I'd certainly not wear it as a badge of honour.

Also, well done OP - nicely written.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 19:06, closed)

I got as far as the words "water spirits"
and was bored shitless

I've now read the whole fucking thing and really wish I hadn't
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 9:11, closed)

brilliant
love it.
(gr33npeace, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:42, closed)

That, my friend...
...is a post of beauty.

Do you have a newsletter to which I could subscribe?
(IHaveComeAmongThee__Twice Tissues on the left. Self-esteem on the right., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:43, closed)

This
Is beautiful
(ihaveab3tanamenow, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 18:22, closed)

This is crazy
but the good kind of crazy :D

*clicky*
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 18:36, closed)

Poor water!
And poor you, perhaps.

Have a click.
(Cloudane, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 19:05, closed)

Damnit!
Now the next time I have a pee I'm going to feel really guilty and sad.
( vix0r was not Matthew on, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 19:55, closed)

Awesome
*clicks*
(toomanypies, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 23:08, closed)

you are a strange, strange person
but this is brilliant.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 0:42, closed)

Oh shit
Now I'm afraid of the bathtub! dammit!
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 1:54, closed)

Touch your cheek for just a moments caress?!
Liked that one a lot.
Well written, click
( Blind Meach Cautiously optimistic, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:04, closed)

wet love
Quietly nodding clickies, this is a very special kind of relation to have. good thing, as we are supposed to mostly consist of the stuff. While the ocean owes me my yet most poignant near-death experience, and it often rains when bad things occur, i still cherish the wet bastard. Watching the tiny dancers jumping out their mad contorting leaps and exploding to infinity at the top of fountains. In the bathtub, about 20 years ago, watching a drop dripping from the one that hung still for a very long time. The relentless, pointlessly brave movement of a wave. And the almost alive smell and sight of our river in heavy rain. Go H2O!
(funktrash soul = combustion engine, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:24, closed)

Ah yes...
...the relentless human capacity to anthropomorphise nature. You've given us a fine and poetic example of how religions are invented.
( shinyshinyscalp less a man, more a way of life, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:54, closed)