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This is a question Hidden talents

Roger Boyes tells us: "I was once coaxed up on stage and did ten minutes of off-the-cuff stand-up comedy. Amazingly, I brought the house down. A few weeks later, having rehearsed like hell, I went back to the same stage and got hardly a titter. Well, sod that." Have you ever amazed yourself with hidden talents?

(I helped save b3ta! Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 12:44)
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I tape the pork and beans up my butt crack and then squeeze into a high legged one piece swimsuit.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 13:07, 16 replies)
POIDH

(I helped save b3ta! .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 13:11, closed)
Hidden talents, not hidden talons
Eh? That doesn't even make sense. Oh well.
(I helped save b3ta! Ghoti Fingers, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 13:58, closed)
tape?
aren't you afraid of seepages destroying the adhesive?
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 14:48, closed)
gentlemen seep
Ladyboys merely glow.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 15:41, closed)
have you been slathering yourself with ready brek again?

(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 16:05, closed)
always

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 19 Apr 2014, 9:55, closed)
this must drive the dogs mad

(I helped save b3ta! the prick of misery pierced my foot on a spiiiike on, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 18:29, closed)

Unless you have old man balls that hang to mid-thigh, the ability to insert them into your crack implies an abnormally short anogenital distance - which, according to half a minute's research on Google, basically means you're a jaffa.

EDIT: For the avoidance of doubt, I should point out that I'm in no way qualified to diagnose reproductive difficulties over the internet.
EDIT EDIT: And there's no fucking way I'm volunteering to check in person (not that I'm qualified to do that, either).
(I helped save b3ta! Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Fri 18 Apr 2014, 23:39, closed)
remind me how it works
is this the point where I am supposed to desperately defend my original post and my ability to build sheds reproduce over the course of several increasingly long essays as if my very life and dignity depended upon it?
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 19 Apr 2014, 8:45, closed)

The first step would be to overreact to some obviously not-very-serious ribbing - then you can move on to carpet bombing the board with long and quite angry posts if you like, yes.
(I helped save b3ta! Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Sat 19 Apr 2014, 9:24, closed)
shall we skip to the bit where you go outside and make an effigy of me
save you a shitload of typing and upset
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 19 Apr 2014, 9:55, closed)

Yeah, I'd best stop typing so much. Wouldn't want to type too much. On the internet.
(I helped save b3ta! Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Sat 19 Apr 2014, 10:37, closed)

It's also possible that he has very droopy elongated butt cheeks, like a spaniel's ears. I think it's called 'mudflaps' in medical circles.
(I helped save b3ta! the prick of misery pierced my foot on a spiiiike on, Sun 20 Apr 2014, 3:24, closed)


(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 20 Apr 2014, 10:15, closed)
At breakfast or lunch?
It's not proper at dinner to put the P&B in the BC.
(drunksteve is not drunk, Sat 19 Apr 2014, 7:10, closed)
how do you get them up there
with all the pickled onions in the way
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Mon 21 Apr 2014, 11:38, closed)

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