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This is a question House Guests

"Last week," Ungersven confesses, "I vomited over almost everything in a friend's spare room. The only thing to escape the deluge was the rather attractive (alas engaged) French girl who was sharing the bed with me." Tell us about nightmare guests or Fred West-a-like hosts.

(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:20)
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If lodgers count....
Some years ago we used to have a 'granny annex' at the end of our garden that we let out as we hardly ever used it.
The last "lodger" we had used to leave all the lights on 24/7, including in the garage pretty much for the entire summer, I only noticed when the clocks changed and it got darker earlier.
Left the hot tap running, then buggered off for three days.
Before she moved in, I said "we don't really want any pets in there as they bugger the carpet up, plus it's not really big enough etc..." At least that's what I thought came out of my mouth, what she apparently heard was, "Go and get two cats and the biggest fuck off dog you can. Oh and make sure it's the most vicious dog you can get."
It killed the little old lady's dog from next door, but not before first pushing her over and nearly ripping her to pieces.
Of course the vet's bills were huge, and somehow the little old lady from next door decided that it was my responsibility to pay up. I pointed her in the direction of the lodger. She never got a penny.
Smashed the door in when she forgot her key one night. Other nights just simply involved smashing windows.
Dishing out door keys that she'd had cut, like confetti to anyone she might nod at in the street. Some mornings I'd wake up, walk in the living room to find a group of pissed up nerds from the night before sitting in what can only be described as some sort of art project about Hurricane Katrina - no sign of her. Their response, "Oh, she gave us a key." Oh, that's ok then.
Broke the garage door, the inner door, the garage lights (eventually I think they just gave up), drove OVER the garden wall smashing it to shit, but not before before driving over the ornamental logs that we had there a few weeks earlier.
Turning electric heaters on (despite there being central heating) (along with the TV) and leaving it on whilst she went to work.
Moving every member of her extended family in to the place, so even when she wasn't there, the lights, water etc... would all be used up for no reason.
She'd let her sister's kids run riot, smashing doors closed, turning the TV up to the highest volume - whilst we'd be having a family Sunday lunch. Response, "Oh, they're just kids."
Yes, kids who are on their way to being locked up chavs in about 5-8 years time.
Her boyfriend would come round, and then stand at the door and stare at any guests I had come round as if to say "WTF are you doing in MY house?"
To be honest it was exhausting -I've barely scratched the surface.
When she eventually left, she left rent arrears (of course) and left a fortnight after she'd told me she had.

She was the last lodger we ever had.

Never again.
(, Sun 9 Jan 2011, 21:32, closed)
Keys...
Let this be a lesson to anyone who has a lodger.
Speak unto your local locksmith the following words "restricted keyset".
The locks cost a lot more, but as a result of the restriction, they can't be copied by any tom dick or harry without your prior consent.
Oh, and occupancy sensors can be handy for hallway lighting.
(, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 0:50, closed)
Not a bad idea
...but since then, if I were to do it again (which I'm not), I have installed home-made, remote central locking. So all I'd have to do now is give her a remote key fob.
I'd like to see the daft bat copy one of those!
(, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 7:54, closed)
remote key fob copying?
easy as getting a key cut these days.
there's a guy near me who does them for a tenner a pop.
(, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 9:47, closed)
I doubt
that they would be able to copy these easily.
(, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 20:25, closed)
maybe yours are super high tech encripted etc but that's not gonna count for much if someone wants in.
maybe the guy close to me couldn't copy it but i wouldn't bet against someone else being able to, for very little money.
every time security providers come up with something new the security compromisers are just behind them.
hackers of the world unite etc.
(, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 21:57, closed)
They'd
have to be extremely lucky to get these cloned.

I'm not saying no-one could get in, they could simply break a window if they wanted to, but the key fob, they couldn't clone. I have a controller that synchs with the server every 30 seconds. If the key fob can't see the server, it doesn't get the key, if it can't match the key with the controller, then the magnet doesn't get tripped and the door won't open.
To be cloned they'd have to get the same 1024 bit key within 30 seconds of it changing (it changes on the server every 30 seconds) and be in range of my house whilst they cloned it and create a private key on the key fob. Even if they had the public key, there's nothing in it that could help anyone determine the private key.
To put it simply, it's a private-public key pairing that changes every 30 seconds.
I have nothing that warrants that level of security, but I did it to see if I could.
(, Tue 11 Jan 2011, 17:46, closed)
seems like a hell of a lot of trouble (and probably expense) to go to for the illusion of security.
don't take that the wrong way but i find it hard to believe that you went to all that bother only to see if you could do it. never underestimate the power of the sub-conscious.
and for all the supersizing (?) of the system security i'd be amazed if every un-thought of eventuality had been thought of...

edit: i've just re-read that and i didn't mean to sound so cunty!
it's just that i've yet to experience a technology that truley lives up to the hype. history's littered with it.
(, Tue 11 Jan 2011, 21:12, closed)
Too true
...I like to tinker with things like that - at work I do similar things so am always interested in learning new ways of doing things like it, and the problem is they never get finished. To start with it was simply a key fob from an electric gate that got remade into central locking for home, then it turned into a fingerprint reader, but that was shite, so went back to the key fob, then I started to make my own key fob....etc.....and after many incarnations, I ended up with what I have now, which is the private/public key pairing.
It was the same with the home automation - to start with all I wanted was a way of turning off the lights/tv/amp if I'd forgotten or fallen asleep.
Now it's a full blown home automation system with 'holiday mode' (random opening of curtains and turning on/off lights between predetermined hours), Tv recording, camera recording in most rooms on motion detected, auto window closing if the humidity goes above certain levels etc...
(, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 18:24, closed)
fuck me, tinkering isn't the word!
i've lost count of the number of "stalled" projects littering my unit and home. i'm so like my old pal mike vortex in that respect.
i'm like a fucking amoeba, i expand to occupy whatever space i have with the fruits of my industry.
(, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 21:42, closed)

ornamental logs? you poo on your own patio?
(, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 1:48, closed)
from your other posts on here
about taking on the banks and living on the starship enterprise, I expected an ending where you kicked down her door like John Claude van Damme and pimpslapped that ho upside her head with all manner of summonses and copies of tenancy laws with relevant sections highlighted resulting in her fixing everything and becoming your sex slave to cover the punitive damages.

Now I see you as less of a force to be reckoned with and more of a creepy anorak who psychologically abuses his family for not scanning the milk out of the fridge before finishing it.
(, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 15:49, closed)
Well
there was plenty of that too, omitted from this tale simply as it wasn't relevent to the QotW.

However, I need to know which member of my family didn't scan the milk out urgently. I had none for my cornflakes this morning despite the screen telling me I had loads, and when I find the little bastard that left it out, there'll be hell to pay.
(, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 20:27, closed)
This story is distinctly lacking in Honda Accords of righteous JUSTICE.

(, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 20:02, closed)

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