John
I used to think I was a pro at winding door-to-door god-botheres up...
"hello, I'm Elder Jones and this is Elder Griffiths"
Holy Crap!! You've got the same name and the same suit!! What's the chances of that eh?? Must be a miracle. etc.

"No, you must not resucitate the clinicly dead: it's against God's will.
So when Elijah performed CPR on that kid, He condemned himself to hell??

I had few retorts, and even less knowledge of the bible.. I habitually resorted to rudeness to get rid of them. Thankfully the Scientologists were still working out their accounting system back then, so they never came round.

Enter John: I had the pleasure of being his room-mate and the house-mate for consecutive years at Uni.


John is an absolutely lovely bloke, Born and bred in the nasty bits of London and the bearer of a Weebl+Bob grin that was only a couple of inches from causing his head to hinge in an alarming fashion. He also had a killer cockney accent and a habit of calmly sitting in our pink sofa wearing a dressing-gown and slippers while systematically yet slowly disposing of the previous night's pizza, or Unlucky Fried Kitten.

Understandably - having been invited in by John for "a chat" Johns entire persona would set off a superiority complex with the cleanly-suited god-botherers, and cause them to quote verse at him with alarming and mis-guided persistance. He'd ask questions, get God-related answers and Grin.

And this is why.

John's Dad is a priest and John is of seriously strong faith. John's mum is A Jamaican Evangelist. John's first book was the bible, and he read it through and through and He can quote the bible word for word and verse for verse.

Sat there, munching his chicken and with his slippered feet on the table at 3pm on a sunday afternoon, he'd take everything these fools had to offer, point out how they'd abused the phrase or verse they'd quoted, give 3 or so more verses that backed him up, tell them where they were wrong, and suggest that they were missing the entire point behind the word of God.

This cycle would carry on with John grinning his gentle grin and munching his chicken. Eventualy he'd get bored and point out that "maybe you guys would be better suited to working in a fast-food joint..... you clearly have trouble reading that bible and understanding it.... Do you want some chicken?".

The rest of us would be there in fits of giggles until the teenage "Elders" left.

John was and IS clearly heroic at annoying these people, and even more amusingly, when they left in a huff with John's Lunatic Grin following them out of the house saying "Do come back for another cuppa when you've learnt something"

Hooray for Facebook.... I've been able to find out that John's alive and well while leading an excellent and chilled life :)
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Tue 3 Mar 2009, 15:01, 5 replies)

My father is also a priest
He's also a dead ringer for Leonard Nimoy.

One afternoon the Jehovah's Witnesses came knocking.

He raised an eyebrow and narrowed his eyes, and announced 'in this house we are all worshippers of Satan', and did a weird wiggly hand motion to suggest some kind of spell.

They literally ran down the drive to get away, crying 'we'll pray for you'.

Message ends.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 3 Mar 2009, 15:07, closed)

oh really, mister witnesses?
"No, you must not resucitate the clinicly dead: it's against God's will."

Well, I'm a first aider. In fact our organisation has decidedly religious origins - see "Knights Hospitaller". Now, I tend to have pretty strong views on that sort of thing - it's one thing to let nature take it's course; but you need to remember that we are *part of* nature.

Or are AEDs, epinephrine*, and oxygen* the work of Satan?

* = naturally occuring, as we all know.
(The Incredible Sulk Finally remembered his password on, Tue 3 Mar 2009, 18:13, closed)

*click*
Only for outrageous jealousy.
(jessemoya, Tue 3 Mar 2009, 20:30, closed)

*click*
For lovely smileyness..

Far better than shouting or lying..
(Beer Elf Thought this was like a campfire, anyhow, on, Wed 4 Mar 2009, 9:55, closed)

Click
for Unlucky Fried Kitten.

That one was new to me.
(HaHa!Snakes! was last seen on, Wed 4 Mar 2009, 15:49, closed)