Mental northerner
Lived in a shared house in Slough for the whole of last year. I thought it might be fun, kind of a "student experience" without the studying and with more disposable income.

I had ONE decent housemate for 6 months - Andy - top bloke, minted (bought me no end of pints), was a good laugh. However we were up against the Asexual, Non-drinking Italian who hated italians (he was a nice enough bloke, just a little odd in some ways), but mostly, mostly the Geordie bird who was married, but her husband was up north while she worked down south.

There were numerous incidents, she was a lazy cow, she was always on the fucking phone (this 1980s cordless piece of shit with an annoying ringtone) wandering around the house. The best incident though was this.

She went to bed one night, having left all her clothes in the washing machine. Andy needed to do some washing, so he text her to see if she was still up, but no reply. So he simply removed her articles into a clean bag (as you do) and put his washing on.

Anyway the next day he gets a text from her, "HOW DARE YOU TOUCH MY THINGS, there are personal effects in there (i.e. knickers etc)" completely flying off the handle. He texts back "Don't talk to me like that, be reasonable" etc. Anyway she got her HUSBAND to phone Andy to give him some shit! She'd got it into her head that me and him had been pissing ourselves going through her underwear or something. Firstly we're not 12 and secondly we both found her repulsive anyway.

So her husband is threatening him down the phone and once he gets the story straight is a little sheapish. Anyway from thereon we made her life as difficult as possible without being total cunts. Her and the Italian dude tried to have an "uprising" against us by sitting in the lounge, a sofa each. Me and Andy got back with out takeaway and just plonked ourselves next to them and proceeded to stuff our faces, belch and laugh wildy at the TV. She got the hint and fucked off about a month later.

NEVER LIVE WITH A WOMAN YOU'RE NOT SHAGGING.

*insert shitty joke about length and penises here*
( The SexFace of Christmas Past Marley and Marley...WOOOOOO, Thu 12 Apr 2007, 15:09, closed)