The wrong type of shit

Was walking through the park the other day when I overheard someone shouting.

"You need to clean up after that animal!" said the rather posh voice. "If you can't keep a dog and clean up after it you shouldn't have one. Don't you have any consideration for anyone else in this park?"

Too right, not nice slipping in dog shit. I turned my head to see who had spoken these caustic words to the dog owner.

And I saw some fucker on a horse berating a meek old man with a Yorkshire terrier. Even the terrier looked scared. It was stood next to the incriminating evidence - a small dog turd the size of a garden slug.

The old man was cowering under the snorting nostrils of this beast (and the horse).

I studied the scene a little closer. All the way down the path, following the horse and the fuckwit sat on it, was a trail of stinky horse poo. Great big steamy piles of acrid shit with straw sticking out of it.

"You gonna clean that up, pal?" I asked Mr Horsey as I walked past, indicating the trail of horse shit.

He looked at me like I was insane.
( SpankyHanky, Sun 22 Feb 2009, 15:18, 6 replies)

In defence of horse owners...
(Having one myself), the law does not require you to clean up after a horse.

Logistically, getting off a horse each time it dumps a load, trying to fill up huge sacks and somehow manage to get back on said horse with huge sacks, would be impossible.

Techincally, horse manure, although not rose-smelling baby oil, doesn't contain anywhere near as much poisonous and toxic waste as dog shit. Being non meat-eaters, horse shit is generally semi-digested grass.

However, you'll probably find the horse shouldn't have been on the path in the first place though... :-O
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Mon 23 Feb 2009, 11:38, closed)

what really annoys me about horses
and their owners are when you get stuck behind one of the twats towing their horse box. They are the slowest thing on the road (obviously with fairly good reason) but they never pull over to let the enormous tailback that they have caused pass them by.

I've seen caravans do it (once or twice), tractors constantly, but never someone with a horse box.

This leads me to my current viewpoint which is "If you want your horse to be somewhere, then fucking ride it there"
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 23 Feb 2009, 11:53, closed)

bollocks...
Horse shit on the road causes danger to cyclists and potential skid hazards, thus it would come under "endagering other road users" - a prosecutable offence.

Metal hooves fuck up the tarmac and when the insane quarter-ton of dog-meat and glue bolts and kicks the shit out of someone's car, they can't claim because you don't have to be insured. Because they are animals and can't be held responsible. Despite being RIDDEN. If your dog runs out into the road and causes a crash, you can be sued, so why not for horses?

Easy, because Lord and Lady Smethwyce-smythe-smythe don't ride fucking labradors.

Oh, and about the "poisons and toxins" in dog shit - a) when it rains, it washes away, b) don't let your kid rub it in his eyes, then you won't have a problem with it and, c) Cats shit every fucking where and their crap really does carry some nasty stuff in it. But that's ok, because cats are too stupid to train...

Basically, the whole thing is a cheap stunt to placate the idiots who think that all open greenbelt land need wheelchair access, clear signage and all grass mowed short to beter allow access to the wildlife (which will have long ago fucked off). I grew up in such an area and out parents used the method of "don't touch shit, you dirty bastard" to prevent any faecal-based disasters.

now I live in the country and I can honestly say that the occasional dog-egg in the park is far and away dwarfed by the stench of horse shit on the roads, on every bridleway and sprayed all over ever field come summer. In fact, only the pig farms smell worse, I think.

/rant
(Chad, Mon 23 Feb 2009, 13:39, closed)

Whoa there
I didn't realize there was so much animosity to horses and their owners.

I can sympathise with your points of view - but I can think of a counterpoint to each case;

Horse boxes can be slow, but I tend (not being a twat, I assure you) to keep up with the traffic, and generally get held up by lorries, cyclists and old biddies doing lymph. Corners are taken slower than usual, but I have and always will pull over from time to time if I'm on a narrow twisty road.

"If you want your horse to be somewhere, then fucking ride it there". - OK, it'll save taking the horse box, but may cause a bit more of a tailback.

Horse shit on the roads - you may find it a problem, but I'd like to see a prosecution for fouling the road - especially against police horses. I don't really think anyone's got a leg to stand on complaining about it on brideways though - there ARE designated for horses.

Oh, and BTW, dog shit can take DAYS to wash away - smells far worse than manure and even residue on the pavement is 100 times worse than manure at it's worst.

While I wouldn't say it's a hobby that doesn't affect anyone, I personally find scrotes riding bikes dangerous, mopeds dangerous and annoying (at 3am revving the little tin pot to get up to 20mph), the local rugby club light polluting and noisy on a Sunday, and smokers the scum of the earth.

I hope you're not one of those people that overtake horses really fast and close when there wasn't any real need. They endanger me, the horse and just as much themselves (if they stop after I've hit their car with a well-aimed projectile).

Just as well we're all so tolerant, isn't it!
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Mon 23 Feb 2009, 16:37, closed)

Oh, and also...
I am liable for damage my horse may cause, despite what you think. It's why we take out personal insurance against such things, so we're not sued.

A cat, however, can do as it pleases and the owner's pretty much untouchable.

You really do seem to have a problem with horses and their owners though, don't you. We're not all stuck-up aristocracy. Here in Essex there are more horses per head of population than any other county. I wouldn't say Essex is that stuck-up though, would you?

Not sure where you're coming from with the greenbelt land bit though. Can't say I'm in favour of giving wheelchair access to fields, or even mowing them.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Mon 23 Feb 2009, 16:46, closed)

Horse nappies.

That is all.
(Musuko, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 18:44, closed)