Apparently I'm a sex offenderI was once paid £15 to count the amount of people visiting a hairdresser. I stood outside for 3 hours with a clicky counter in my pocket, pressing it every time a person entered. Suddenly there's a copper in front of me, I turn and there's another behind. "What are you up to sunshine?" "A rival hairdresser wants to count the competition" "Well, there's been a call from the shop owner that there's a ginger bloke standing outside fiddling with his cock." Have you ever done anything that made strangers think you were a pervert?
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rob, Thu 17 Aug 2006, 22:20)
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Mucho pussy.Years ago, when I first moved out of the family home, I managed to get a large, very comfortable room in the house of a woman that my father knew. She needed a lodger and I wanted somewhere to live, so everyone was happy at the arrangement, especially me as apart from the fact she had a daughter who was about 6, most of the neighbours were either very quiet or elderly, or both.
Intially everything was going swimmingly, until the weather got warmer and I'd have the windows in the room open at nights, only to discover that the back garden was cat shag central. The woman whose house it was didn't have a cat, nor did the near neighbours, but it seemed cats would come from miles around to fuck in the garden and make a godforsaken noise before, during and after there feline lovemaking session. On a good night there'd "only" be about 4 cats and a bad night what sounded like about 20 of the little fuckers.
Initially I tried hissing at them or shouting fuck off, but in an attempt to be a good neighbour I didn't want to shout or hiss to loud and disturb the old folks next door. My next ploy was to lob one and two pences pieces at the bastards, but try hitting mainly dark coloured cats humping in a pitch black garden, to say it wasn't easy is an understatement(I think I had a hit ratio of about 1 in 500) and besides I was swiftly running out of shrapnel to sling at them.
The situation was getting worse, more cats by the night and it was really beginning to fuck me off. Until one night at the end of my tether, I had a eureka moment. How about using the flash on my camera. The first time I tried it I couldn't believe my luck, the 3 or 4 pairs of cats rutting each other instantly stopped and just fled. I was so chuffed. Every night they'd come back and every night I'd be there putting my cunning plan into action. Well that was every night for about a week when I suddenly realised what it would look like to any onlooking neighbours. Yes me standing there waiting to take "pornographic" pictures of cats getting it on.
I decided it'd be better to be kept awake all night every night than to get a reputation like that.
There was never any film in the camera, honest guv.
(, Mon 21 Aug 2006, 2:20, Reply)
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