BBQ
Very well timed, my tale of ignoring the instructions begins not even a week ago!

Being a student, and there for a god for nothing bum, rather then doing something constructive with my time, I went and had a bbq with some friends. After a quick stop at tescos, with some nice food and a pair of disposable bbqs in hand, My chums and I set off to find a good field. Upon opening the first disposable bbq, I notice a bag under its grill filled with charcoal, so I manage to free that, tear the bag open, and just before I pour it into the metal tray so we can begin my friend shouts something along the lines of me being an utter spacker.

DO NOT REMOVE BAG FROM BBQ
DO NOT OPEN BAG

I managed to un wittingly disobey the first, and most stressed instructions.

It took a while to fix.

Any way, we had another a day or two later, this time I won’t fail. I do everything as before, this time it’s a morisons model, not that you can tell by looking. Once I’ve got the fire going, I check the rules out of general interest in how patronising they can be. The first two rules were the same as with tescos version. Rule 3 however….

Keep BBQ supported off the ground, allowing a circulation or air.

I swear, send two lads to get rocks to fix the mistake.

Then I see rule 4.

Do not touch the BBQ after lighting. It gets VERY HOT, VERY QUICKLY. Luckily, my mates were clever enough to use sleeves as make shift oven mitts.

Side note, later that night we had a fire. I use a smouldering stick as a light sabre. Then I have a fight with a guy who’s also holding one. “BE CAREFUL!” comes a voice from the fire, but I’m far too much of a Jedi to heed such warnings. The first blow I make sends the smouldering end of my stick flying into the people sitting by the fire. It hits the guy who warned me to be careful. In the crotch. He was wearing nylon pants. Luckily his balls remained fire free, though he shouted at me for a while.

I also got my nose bloodied when I didn’t listen to one of the girls shout “Stop rugby tackling me!” She actually managed to hit me in the face when I went to get her as she got up again after maybe the 10th tackle.

All in all, I’ve not had a great week, what worries me is we have exams over the next 2 weeks, I may have to start to follow the instructions….

Oh, speaking of not following instructions, we all chipped in to get Mario party 6, for the general amusement of flat. See, it comes with a microphone, which is used in some games. It follows every ones instructions but me. I say “memory game” It says “I think you said picture game.” Say “no” then “memory came” “did you mean counting game?” “NO!” I finally shout “BLACK MANS EYES!” “did you mean counting game?” “yes”. I lost that counting game. Geordie accents and Japanese games are not a clever mix.
(Mong goose, Sat 6 May 2006, 12:32, Reply)