A Borat Mankini
for a work's team building exercise.

No further details other than it was bought yesterday.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 28 May 2009, 11:51, 5 replies)

holiday in spain
booked last night. leaving on saturday. woo
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Thu 28 May 2009, 11:30, Reply)

I'm quite boring really..
Y'see my friends go out, get pissed, go to our local 24 hour tesco and walk out with a DVD player, or go on ebay and buy several lengths of rope (yes, really).

I go out, get pissed, go to the same tescos and walk out with a pair of socks, a packet of razor blades, some deoderant and a DVD of Resident Evil:Apocolypse. That did start a short lived habit of going out pissed and buying Milla Jojovich films. I now have a fair size collection of them despite the fact I don't particularly like her when sober.


I will admit though that while it is a crap film, RE:A is a perfect post pub action flick.
(Ok, I'll get me coat, Thu 28 May 2009, 10:57, 2 replies)

Vintage motorbikes.
I have two in the front room, one in the kitchen and one in the hallway. I like to sit on them and make brrrmmm noises and take them out periodically for a pootle on the promenade.
( Brandy_Bumwinkle, Thu 28 May 2009, 10:40, 2 replies)

This is exactly why I stay away from pound shops.
What did I do with the 500 plastic wallets, the yahtzee set, and the best: a set of coasters that you can put photos in.

Don't go to the poundshop. There's a good reason everything in there is a pound: it's shit.
(mmmkay, Thu 28 May 2009, 9:48, 3 replies)

Hands across Victoria coach station
Now bear with me folks – the impulse buy is a pretty important part of this, but not the main crux of the story by any means. But here we go.

Its three years ago – I’m still living in Manchester, and I happen to be off work for a bit and also have a few quid in my pocket for a change.
Depeche Mode go on tour – my second favouritest band ever. Now my friend Sarah is going to every show in the UK, but I a. cant afford that and b. don’t really fancy the aggro of running around the UK for a week, so I’ve just got a ticket for the Manchester gig.

And they were absolutely amazing – that was the fifth time I’d seen them, and they were just getting better and better every time. We were right down the front, it sounded amazing, we were about ten feet away from the band if that, all the things that make a great show made even better by the fact that it’s one of our faves. That’s the Thursday night – they’re doing brum the night after, Glasgow on the Saturday and rounding it off with two nights in London starting the Sunday.

Very *very* late Saturday night (well, half five Sunday morning), I’m sat around the house and mooching round the interweb, when I spy on ebay a bloke selling a pair of tickets for the DM gig in London later that night – he wants £150 for the pair – which was a lot cheaper than what the rest of the touts seemed to be offering.

Hmm… I can afford that… but it’s going to mean leaving here in an hour to get the coach down to London, and then trusting this bloke to meet up with me and actually give me the tickets… sod it, they were bloody brilliant the other night, I have to see them again on this tour. So armed with this bloke’s mobile number, a pocket full of cash, packed lunch and sensible shoes, I head off down to That London. Contact this guy on the way down, arrange to meet up at Victoria and collect the tickets off him, and also arrange to hook up with my mate Mark who’s having the other ticket off me. Things are going swimmingly… bloke is met, tickets are bought, I jump on the underground and head out to Wembley. Meet up with mark and sarah (and her friends), have some dinner, mooch about for a bit, then go and see the show.

And once again they play some kick-botty electropop/rock n’roll malarkey, and a bloody good time is had by all. The gig finishes, I say goodbye to everyone, and head back to the underground to go back to Victoria, as I’m getting the 1am coach back to Manchester. Everything’s gone great, and apart from a bit of tension when I mistook Nando’s earlier in the day for a proper restaurant, things have gone smoother than Barry White’s chat up lines.

So I get back to Victoria about midnight… the coach leaves in an hour – great, supper time. But I can’t see anywhere open, and I don’t want to stray too far from the station in case I get lost… sod it, I’ll get a breakfast in Manchester. Could do with the lavvy though… but the ones in the station are closed for cleaning. Bugger. So I’m looking around for an alternative, when this bloke walks up to me, and says ‘Excuse me, do you want to go to the toilet?’

Now several things – he wasn’t aggro by any means, and I’m about three times the size of him in any case so I’m not too worried on that front. But I really hope it’s not some sort of proposition, so I didn’t say anything and hope he goes away. He asks again, do I want to go to the toilet?

Bloody hell mate, if this is a chat up, you’re either a. desperate or b. completely unfussy if you’re trying it on with a grim-faced biffer like me. And I still don’t say anything. He asks again, to which I respond, ‘Look, I’m not being funny… but do you not think that’s a bit of a weird question to ask a complete stranger?’

To which he answers ‘Oh, I didn’t mean to upset you – I was just going to tell you there are some other toilets on the other side of the station that are still open.’
So in the words of Jack Nicholson, don’t I feel like an arsehole. Now you could tell this guy was on the street, so now to assuage my guilt at thinking he had nefarious intentions, I offered to get him something to eat from the still-just-barely-open coffee shop thing in the station. And he tells me that rather than that, he’d sooner have two quid because then he’s got the price of a night’s stay at the hostel he goes to when he can. Like I say, I’m feeling guilty at thinking the worst of this lad, so I get him a sandwich, a coffee and bits and gave him a tenner – and he was really touchingly appreciative of it – he says he’s got the money for two nights at this place now. And he starts telling me about this hostel and how nice the people are. I’m now a bit bow-legged through needing the lavvy, but I don’t want to tell this guy just to f*** off either, so I mentally tie a knot in my old fella, grit my teeth and listen to what he has to say.

He starts telling me they do homeopathic remedies at this hostel… and he suffers terribly with his skin. And pulls up the leg of his jeans to show me what he means – he’s got the *worst* case of eczema I have ever seen. It looks as though he’s basted himself in glue and then showered in cornflakes, the poor sod (and I imagine, though I hope I never have to find out, it’s not the easiest thing to look after either when you’re sleeping rough). His leg makes the Singing Detective look as though he had a mild rash. And he’s telling me all about the creams they do at this place and how they ease the condition… and then eventually he bids me farewell, with the words ‘cheers mate – you’ve been really nice. Here –' and offers to shake my hand.

His hands as bad as his leg… now I know you cant ‘catch’ eczema, but his hand still looks like something Cronenberg would refuse to have in one of his films on the grounds that it looks too revolting… but I cant be mean to this bloke now… but it’s minging… but I don’t want to offend… I eventually give his hand a brief shake then run to the lavvy to scrub my hand. Several times.

I did think at the time I would have rather have been chatted up. Cost? about £250 in the end. but my memories of that night will always revolve around what happened in the coach station after the show.

Length? A good arms length… and flakier than a Cadbury’s warehouse.
(tjn whizzing on the electric fence of life, Thu 28 May 2009, 6:47, 4 replies)

So my boyfriend is out of town fishing.
I haven't had some "me" time in a long time.
Just booked a trip to San Francisco....leaving Friday May 29th, coming home Sunday the 31st. Yay me!
I LOVE San Francisco, lots. Any Northen Californians up there wanna meet for a drink?
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Thu 28 May 2009, 6:15, 2 replies)

I've been trying to think of an answer all week
And I've finally thought of one I can shoehorn in.

My friend DH decided to hitch hike to Marakesh a few months ago. I don't know why - sunspots or something. When he got back, he told me about his first day there.

Being no stranger to the delights of the local herb, he wasted no time in sampling some. Unfortunately, he didn't pick the most scrupulous of dealers.

He was, in short, drugged out of his skull and forced to buy a carpet.

£70 of carpet that he left by the side of the road.
( MatJ LOOK, Thu 28 May 2009, 1:25, Reply)

trampolines?
yknow what im tired of this. seeing everyone get a freaking trampoline implanted into their back garden. its the new swing set. except swings are more fun cos you can damage yourself on them more by jumping at full tilt and also you dont get lame videos on youtube of foxes bumbling around on them. (if youre gonna upload a video of an animal on a trampoline, please make sure it is a minimum of three feet in the air. otherwise its just like watching a bit of bouncy grass)
(bernards bitch don't want to be known for a oneliner, Wed 27 May 2009, 23:51, 2 replies)

Computer Stuff
This story isn't about me, but a friend.

I have a friend who isn't exactly stupid, but does lack a common sense gland, or whatever it is that stops people from doing really mind-numbingly retarded things when they're actually quite smart people.

He is obsessed with electronics, especially computers and music equipment, to the point where he can't afford food but will still shell out £500 on speakers that are far too big for his small student room, and then wonder why everyone else seems to have more money than him.

This particular story, however, comes from when he was building himself a computer, a task that never seems to end due to his inabillity to stop the thing crashing on him. So anyway, he was looking for a particular processor (don't ask me which, I have very limited knowledge on computer hardware) and found it being sold for a reasonible price on ebay. He payed his money and the damn thing never arrived!

The story doesn't end there though, he then proceeded to try and buy it again. Unfortunately for him he bought it from THE SAME PERSON. Needless to say the next one didn't turn up either.

Not quite an impulse buy, but certainly a shopping calamity.
(Jezziah, Wed 27 May 2009, 23:31, Reply)

I never knew brine shrimp could cause so much pain
Bought some sea monkeys, grew quite attached to them actually, gave them all names.

Decided to treat them and got them some sea monkey surf boards, sea monkey banana flavoured treats, sea monkey medicine, (all of which is surprisingly expensive considering its just dust). Everything for my little shrimps. I even bought a pipette to oxygenate them. Which came in a pack of 200 so now i have a drawer full.

Unfortunately, sods law,

they died. Probably of hunger because the one thing i didn't buy was food. :(
(Holsinki, Wed 27 May 2009, 23:16, 1 reply)

it was big
it was shiny.
it was £45.
it was irresistible.
it was a disco ball.
it sat in my wardrobe for 2 years, before i sold it at a car boot sale for a fiver.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:34, Reply)

bloody sod buggering ebay
i bought a fantastic knife, with thoughts of creating my own special handle..... i paid good english pounds..... it never turned up.... i still cry occasionally
(TROLLING AWAY living under a post ironic bridge, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:20, 1 reply)

I once made an impulse buy
I felt absolutely irresistible with my purchase. It had an intense perfume and blended musky vanilla scents with amber notes, and left me ready to dazzle. I sprayed it all over my body and enjoyed its captivating scent. It was dermatologically tested and was gentle on my skin.

I did smell like a girl though.
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:05, Reply)

Eye eye
I also bought a lovely false eye off a Dutch girl. It had belonged to her grandmother. It popped my ebay cherry. I might go pop it in for old times sake. I wear it in my belly button to scare my children. Actually, I felt a little cheated as I expected it to be eye shaped and it turned out to be just like a very large contact lens. The upside being that it does now fit in my belly button.
( spingers, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:41, Reply)

plane boring
A friend and I were going through a list of items to be auctioned at a stolen property auction which I was due to attend. I had a my eye on a DVD recorder (this was a long time ago) and he had his eye on a Plane. I set off to Wimbledon to the auction. The items can be viewed but it is all buyer beware.
Aaanyhoo after some furious bidding, it's like Ebay on cheap speed, I had won both items. I rang aforementioned friend to tell him the good news that he had only paid £18 for his plane. He was over the moon and wanted to know if it had any spare propellers, 'propellers' I asked him 'what the biggins would a plane need a propeller for? it's got a plug though'
'what the biggins would a remote control plane need with a plug?' he asked. I called him a cunt and laughed all the way home, that was until I went to plug my brand newish DVD in and realised it was a Canadian DVD and didn't work in the UK. Who's the cunt now ? Actually, the real cunt was the idiot that stole a canadian DVD player.

Can any of you cunts tell me if I am allowed to say cunt ?
( spingers, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:36, 2 replies)

Lavly Ebay
I bought a trumpet.




That was 3 years ago. It's still in its box under my bed. £60 though! bargain!
(Holsinki, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:32, Reply)

LOOK AT ME.
I AM A GIRL ON THE INTERNET.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:58, 8 replies)

Some you win, some you lose.
Lose: Firstly there was queensecret (dot com) which was a Freddie Mercury story which we sold and tried to sell associated Freddie Mercury items by passing our visitors on to an amazon affiliate to make money.

Win: Then there was bunnytick.com which worked and I got a discount card, saving me 5% on petrol and food at sainsbo's. And I saved £200 on my gas and 'leccy. So a big win.
(hojoh, Wed 27 May 2009, 17:10, 3 replies)

Xbox 360
I had an xbox and swapped it for a PS3 60Gb model *edit- I then forked out 60 quid on Play TV and another 60 on a 320Gb hard drive for it- awesome!*. Then everyone at work got an XBox so I had to buy another one. I was waiting for my end of year bonus but thought fuck it... Forced impulse buys are awesome. COD4 anyone?
(romega Lesbian Licker, Wed 27 May 2009, 16:47, 2 replies)

never go shopping on a come down
Just don't.

Instead of the intentional smart business jacket for that all important interview, I blew my budget on the most ludicrously comfortable soft & fluffeh jacket in existence.

It was massive, felt like it was made from the same material as safety mattresses, had a sparkly furry collar from which hung angora pompons and was seemingly stuffed with clouds. It was so warm and nice I even briefly fell asleep in it in the changing room in the shop.

Bliss!

Shame it was a girl's coat.
( rofl harris, Wed 27 May 2009, 16:26, 5 replies)

My then boyfriend spotted a nice platinum/sapphire/diamond ring at a flea market
and pointed it out to me. Oooh, lovely, fits a treat, says I, hey up, we're engaged now!

We're married now so he reckons he'll never stop paying for that particular impulse buy.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Wed 27 May 2009, 15:58, 5 replies)

Ebay distasters!
This is a multi-platform for Impulse buys and unemployed.

Many moons ago I was "asked" to leave the Police Force, I'll say no more!

For three months I was unemployed and decided to start my own Ebay business, these were my ideas:

Adidas Y3 trainers I bought 150 pairs for £200.00 baragin! Got them they were all a size smaller than labeled in the shoe so I had 20 black Y3's size 4, mens shoes and the rest were 5 and 6's. I HAD BLOODY KIDS Y3 shoes! I sold one pair to my Brother in law for £20.00 and palmed the rest of them on to an unknowing Ebay buyer geting £100.00 back.

My next venture was kids watches 50 watches for 20 quid, bargain. This was two years ago, I still have 40 left! I'm a Sales manager now, needless to say my Ebay business wasnt on my CV!
(rambosilk Liberty for wolves is death to the lambs., Wed 27 May 2009, 15:56, 4 replies)

"Genuine" Star Wars prop
There it was on ebay, ... a "Genuine" Star Wars prop. Sitting at the initial asking price of £9.99 with no bids and a few minutes left to go. No pictures and a really vague one line description, oh and it mentioned a dread two words ... "Phantom Menace"

This was early 2002 and I had had a great pre-Christmas clearout on the bay, with a lot of DVDs and things going for far more than I hoped, so with a bursting PayPal account I thought, fuck it. I bid for it and won.

A few days later the 'prop' arrived. It was a wooden panel around the size and shape of a decent laptop, painted white, with some non-descript wires hanging from it. There were a few bits of coloured transparent paper affixed to little raised bits, and overall it looked a bit shoddy.

The seller had mentioned something about Queen Amidala's ship, so I studied the DVD, going almost frame by frame through the interior shots of the ship (mainly whilst they are stranded on Tatooine). And guess what , I FOUND THE BUGGER!

Above Liam Neeson and Ewan McGregor's head as they study some readout, is a panel that has the exact shape, size, look and decoration as the bit of wood I had in my hand. It looks a bit more hi-tec on screen, but it was perfect apart from one weird detail ... it was a complete mirror image.

Don't know why ... don't know if the film was flipped or if my prop is from the other side (although I can't see them building both sides of the ship)... but I know, thanks to a daft impulse, I got a bit of screen used Star Wars memorabillia. OK The Phantom Menace sucks balls, but it's Star Wars nonetheless.
( Cheeses of Nazareth Where's Captain Kirk? www.whereiskirk.com, Wed 27 May 2009, 15:54, 1 reply)

Welder
My father decided he simply must have an arc welder. Not entirely unreasonable, as we lived on a farm. So he picked a nice one up at Montgomery-Wards (did I mention this was in the 60's?)
What he didn't reckon on was the power requirement - 220vac, 3-phase. Not having the appropriate service, the welder sat in the garage, in all it's glory, until we had a new power pole, transformer, and meter installed - 16 years later. Fucking Montgomery-Wards was out of business before we ever powered up the welder! On the plus side, it is a fine welder. My father and I both learned to weld with it.
(danalan Pretty good, for an amateur., Wed 27 May 2009, 15:30, Reply)

This QOTW could have been written for my flatmate.
Every Saturday without fail, he beetles off to East Street Market, with the intention of just picking up meat and fish to be frozen and used over the next week, and a few days-worth of fruit and veg.

And every Saturday without fail, he comes back bearing an impulse buy, usually fruit or veg. He'll stride through the door, laden down with shopping, a look of triumph in his eyes. "Guys, look at this!" he'll proclaim, holding along seventeen pinapples, or enough garlic to drown a frenchman. "They were only a tenner"! He is of the opinion that, if something is advertised as a 'bargain', then it must be bought.

He has brought back kilos of squishy bananas, mouldy grapes, floppy cucumbers and runny feta, because "it was such a bargain I couldn't NOT get them!"

The winning time was when he came back with, in addition to his usual bags, a binbag slung over one shoulder. A binbag full of mushrooms. You'll never realise how many mushrooms that really is until you've seen it tipped on the floor.

The silly berk.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Wed 27 May 2009, 14:40, 7 replies)

Dumbell (and barbell)
Many years ago I deciding I was going to get fit and, not wanting to join a gym, I charged off to Argos, paid my money and waited for my purchase to arrive from the mysterious tardis-like back room. Eventually, two blokes staggered through carrying a large box. The assistant called out "Weights set?"
"That's me" I said.
"Hmm, have you got your car parked outside?"
"No" I said. What an odd question.
She looked me up and down and asked "Do you DO weights then?"
"No" I said and began to grasp where she was coming from.
"How on earth are you going to get these home?"
People in the queue began to laugh out loud. I had made a huge error. With help, I got one end of the box into the rucksack that I'd brought along for the task and trying hard to save a shred of dignity, lifted the entire thing a couple of inches off the ground, across the shop and into the street. I then left it in the middle of the pavement in the busy high street as I trudged off to find a phone box. My rationale being that if anyone was big enough to steal it, puny me would be unable to stop them anyway. After calling a cab I walked back to find it, unsurprisingly just where I'd left it.
Within a few months I'd joined a gym.
(Mr McKenzie Mr McKenzie, Wed 27 May 2009, 14:22, 4 replies)

Collectors...
And... *pop*

Sorry bout lenght spelling and grammer. Me engrish not so good.

Having worked for a Games retailer and in a music shop in my hometown, for a few years.
I became aware of the seemingly male only phenomena that is collecters, the KINGS of impluse buyers.
None more so than a regular customer called *spanky*.
Over my time spent working in both stores I got to know spanky quite well, I felt sorry for him,
he worked shifts in a factory for a long time and as a result had a huge amount of disposable income.
Spanky lived at home with his mother, no girlfriend, didn't drink or socialise and no rent or expenses to speak of.
He often boasted of his frequent trips to Forbidden Planent and spending close to a €1000 in a single go on comics, action figures etc.
Being a nerd myself I could understand the attraction but I could not bring myself to part with that much cash in one go.
He once showed me a mobile phone video of his room. It wasn't big but was made even samller by the amount of stuff he had accumulated over the years.
The room was quite dark this was because his video and dvd collection was so large that it blocked out sunlight. It must have been 5 feet high in places and in other places it was 2 videos deep, and must have covered at least 2 walls if not more.
Also in the video was 2 book cases full of action figures,
(All boxed and unopened)
A games collection and a massive comics collection.
Tons of stuff he had never watched or read, and im sure they still remain in way even today.
There was literally only a small path from the door to his bed. Spanky made a number of interesting and pointless purchases in the stores I worked in,
1. Each season of charmed as they came out, Then when they brought out the collectors boxed (the one with the wooden box) He had to have it... SHINY BOX!!!
He was obsessed with Alissa Millano he had a T-shirt printed up with his favorite picture of her, and proceeded to buy every movie she was in (even bit parts or cameos) no matter how dire it was.
2. Simpsons soundtrack in the limited edition Doughnut shaped box and case. (He had bought the standard edition cd a week earlier.) Again SHINY BOX!!!

Spanky you nerd enigma, my hat goes off to you.
(JABBAtheHURT I smell wee...., Wed 27 May 2009, 14:19, 5 replies)