John goes to the off-license
No more of these - I promise!


Today, John is going to the village off-license because Janet has had 'one of those days' at work and has run out of cream sherry.

Janet gives John the money and tells him not to talk to any strange women.

See John skip down the road.

The off license is next door to the Hare and Hounds pub.

John is not allowed to go into the pub. Do you know what barred means? John does.

'Ring-ring' goes the shop bell.

See Mrs. Davies behind the counter. Mrs. Davies is from Wales. See the consonants.

Mrs. Davies is looking for something.

"Hello Mrs. Davies", says John.

"Hello John", says Mrs Davies.

"Have you lost something?", says John.

"Yes", says Mrs. Davies, "It's a piece from an old wooden chess-set. I can't find it anywhere, and it's an antique. I've been looking for weeks. Anyway, what would you like today John?"

John says, "I'd like a bottle of dry sherry please".

See John give Mrs. Davies the money, and put the change in his pocket.

"Thank you Mrs. Davies", says John.

See John start to skip home.

John has not gone far when he remember that he should have asked for cream sherry, not dry. Silly John.

See John run back to the off-license. "I'm sorry Mrs. Davies", says John, "I asked you for the wrong sherry. Could I have a bottle of cream sherry instead?"

"Of course", says Mrs. Davies. "Perhaps you can help me? Mrs. Bickerdyke told me that you are very good with your hands. Could you make me another chess piece? I would be ever so grateful".

See Mrs. Davies give John a chess-piece. "Yes", says John, "I can make one of these". John knows what a spokeshave is. Clever John.

John says, "I don't play chess much, but I do like a game of cards".

"So do I", says Mrs. Davies, "Next time you're passing, call in for a drink and a game of seven-card-stud in the lounge-bar".

"Goodbye Mrs. Davies", says John. "Goodbye John, and thank you", says Mrs. Davies. What fun!

John skips home to see Janet. Janet is waiting on the doorstep. See Janet take two or three big mouthfulls from the sherry. Thirsty Janet.

"Sorry I was so long", says John. "Mrs. Davies asked me to copy this pawn for her when she gave me some cream for the dry sack. Mrs. Bickerdyke told her that if she was short of a piece, that I had no trouble getting wood, and she said that next time I'm passing I should call in for a drink and Poker in the snug."

See sherry come out of Janet's nose.

Do you know how to pull someone through a letter-box by their beard?

Janet does. Poor John.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 18 Jun 2008, 12:53, 8 replies)

*click*
Surely we have a late winner!
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 18 Jun 2008, 13:02, closed)

Definitely
*clicks*
(Kia Ora it's 2 orangey 4 crows, it's just 4 me and my dog, Wed 18 Jun 2008, 13:05, closed)

Your public demands more Janet & John!

(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 18 Jun 2008, 13:06, closed)

I wish I had the time
Unfortunately some of my colleagues (well, two) are being a right couple of cunts just now.

And that isn't a euphemimsy either. They really are being cunts. Bureacratic, condescending cunts - they're like a couple of Vogons minus the personality.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 18 Jun 2008, 13:25, closed)

Brill!
Fear not about cunty colleagues, tomorrow night you can sooth your anger with beer. Lots of beer. Mmmmmmmm beer.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 18 Jun 2008, 13:26, closed)

I likey
see WeeWitch laugh

See WeeWitch *click* heartily
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Wed 18 Jun 2008, 13:34, closed)

Beer goooooood.
Beer foamy and comforting.

God I'm ready for tomorrow.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 18 Jun 2008, 14:46, closed)

Edited for wrongness
Nothing to see here.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Wed 18 Jun 2008, 14:57, closed)