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This is a question Insults

Last week two kids ran past me, one chasing the other. As they passed, the little boy turns to the girl chasing him and screams, "go away, you, you... you GIRLPANTS."

She stopped dead, cut to the core. Well, sort of. Anyway, we've added it to our repertoire, but are keen to expand further our sweary lexicon. What's the best insult you've heard? How effective was it? How did they retaliate?

(, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 12:48)
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The B3ta Guide to sweary Insults 101
Right then children, are we sitting comfortably? Good, then I’ll begin. The general tried and trusted insult types that figure on B3ta follow the following ratio:

1. [Something insulting / rude verb]
2. + “you”
3. + [measure of magnitude / insulting plural if required] + “of”
4. + [sweary / rude word / adjective]
5. + [dull, functional noun or verb. Possibly with ryhming or use of alliteration].

Example:

“Lick my left one, you gaggle of total spluff gargling twat-ticklers”

Lets examine the ratio in it's individual parts and phrases:

1. The insult / rude gesture has to imply something graphic which can be given sexual connotations. Examples are:

Suck
Blow
Chew
Bite
Lick
Squirt

You therefore have to add this verb to an intimate part of your anatomy. Examples:

Clay-hole
Poo-chute
Cock-shaft
Scrote sack
Ribbed-for-her-pleasure-shiny-pink-bell-end.

2. “You” – used as a direct confirmation of the recipient of the verbal assault.
3. If used against a singular, example to stress magnitude can be:

Total
Utter
Uber
Megawobbling
Unadulterated

If used against multiple recipients, then examples to proceed the word ‘of’ are:

Bunch
Tank
Swarm
Gaggle
Bag full

4. This is the easy part. However, it can duly be noted that mere rudeness can achieve the same objective as the swear, however, if an insult is to be hurled in anger then a swear is more effective. Examples of the token swear here are:

Cunt
Twat
Fuck
Arse (ass for our American cousins)
Fanny (For our American friends, just use ‘cunt’ again)
gusset
Shite
Spunk
Botty

5. Now, relevance is of little importance for this final section of the insult. Examples of pointless nouns / verbs include:

Brick
Bucket
Biscuit
Chewer / gobbler
Arm-pit
Sponge
Stick

Now it’s all down to you, class. Put parts 1 through 5 together and try to put your own unique slant on an insult using the examples above (or even some of your own for extra points).

Remember...each ingredient of the insult is as important as it’s comrades in the insult mix, and therefore a good insult can be ruined by a ‘weak link’ i.e:

"Cock off, you total testicle-full of cum-drippings"

Additional tip: Diversity is the key to success. Phrases such as:

“Poo off and poo yourself, you pooey poo-bag of poos” often fails in it’s effectiveness and shows a lack of imagination.

However, the combination of words like twat & cunt to make ‘twunt’, and ‘Fuck’ and ‘retard’ to make ‘fucktard’ can be potent down-putters with devastating effects.

Good luck people. Together we can make people feel like the little gonad-nuggets that they deserve to be.
(, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 14:11, closed)

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