Relative newcomer to the internet...
Unlike most people here, I only got proper internet access in 2003. Sure, I had access in school but with one 56kpbs modem between 40 people, the internet was, would you believe it, boring.

Anyhoo, in 2003 Bit Torrent hadn't quite taken off and the current kids favourite was none other than Kazaa. This magical tool let you type in the name of, say, your favourite band and within tens of minutes, you could have one of their songs, maybe even an album.

But you could also search for things other than music. Like pictures. Or Videos. And being at the height of puberty at the time, it was inevitable that I would eventually use the internet for what it was intended for - porn.

However, as I'm sure you already know, I'm a bit of a dimwit. While anyone with any sense would just search for "Porn", or even "Sex" or "Lesbians", my mind went absolutely blank. I was probably already harbouring a raging meat club simply from the very thought of seeing some naked flesh, causing much distraction. Too distracted to think straight, but getting nowhere with a blank search box in front of me, the oddest idea popped into my head - search for "French". In my mind, the French were renowned for being Romantic and Steamy. Je t'aime was banned at one point for being too racy, so surely the french knew their shit when it came to porn. Oh how right I was.

I did it, I searched for "French" and struck gold. Pages of results! I selected one that implied something about two filthy french lesbians and off it downloaded. What felt like hours (and in those days, it could well have been) passed but the video finished downloading. I opened it, undid my pants and prepared for seconds of intense pleasure.

The video started. There were the two women, already starting to undress each other. This is good! Yes, take each other's clothes off. Ohhh, I'm saving myself for when you're both naked and...touching, I guess. I wasn't really sure what lesbians did, I just presumed they rubbed together or something. In any case, I was about to find out!

Eventually, they were both naked and after some delicate kissing, one of them climbed onto a chair...backwards, so she's bending over the back rest. A little odd, she seems a bit high up to me but I'm rather inexperienced at this whole porn malarkey, let alone French lesbian porn.

The other bends down onto her knees. By now her face is level with the first girl's rather fantastic arse.

Something good is about to happen, something wonderful, I can feel it! I can feel a lot of things, actually, like the urge to just... OH MY FUCKING GOD SHE'S SHITTING IN HER MOUTH, EW EW EW EW!!!

...somehow, I managed to 2girls1cup myself before it was cool. Thank you, internet.
(Kushan just wants to fit in..to your mum, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 13:55, Reply)