Electric Shoelaces
Of course
( wonko the sane, Thu 8 Apr 2004, 22:36, Reply)

the clip-on cupholder
I think of this one every time I go to a barbecue (or any other do where you have to walk around with a plate). You need one hand to hold the plate, and the other to eat with. So what do you do with your can of beer / glass of wine / etc ?

The answer is simple - the clip-on cupholder. It's a cupholder. That clips onto your plate. Hey presto.
(babayaga, Thu 8 Apr 2004, 22:32, Reply)

Citrus PAIN!
I actually thought this up, tested it, and made a full-scale model a couple months ago that is mouldering in my dorm right as I type. It is a cannon that runs on "popper" fireworks, where there is a little shovel that you pour them down. The blast sets off a spring that shoves a HUGE balloon filled with lemon juice. It got first prize in the local game of BAD BAD BAD Inventions. It shoots the balloons a minimum of ten feet, and usually tested ou of my dorm window (15 feet off ground.)
(ZooLurker is an angry chick with a mullet!, Thu 8 Apr 2004, 22:08, Reply)

a solar powered trch
c'mon a torch coverd in solar pannels where i leave it in the sun all day where it charges up an internal battery and then you use it at night,
see i was ever a fool *turns back to his inflatable dart board
(The city of Metris The city never sleeps, Thu 8 Apr 2004, 22:07, Reply)

No really
The Whoopie Bra, to embarrass those gropers.
( simbosan liked your link on, Thu 8 Apr 2004, 22:02, Reply)

The scratch n sniff egg
never again will you buy old dairy produce! instantly tell if your eggs are bad!
(Attention Whore, Thu 8 Apr 2004, 21:26, Reply)

The Granny Remote control
Cos lets face it: no-one likes old folk. Except the spritely ones, who can be quite funny to watch.

Basically, the remote would contain these functions:
1)Fast forward (obviously)
2)a self explanitory "shut the fuck up you piss sodden witch" button. maybe called mute, but i dont think it'll catch on. particularly effective on stories of how youngsters are so rude nowadays. get over it.
3)Granny purse repeller. Fo the unfamiliar, the granny purse is stuffed to the brim with money, although in no higher coinage than a 5p, thus causing much irritation to those in the queue behind them at the shop, and the sales assistant who has to count it. this function would repel said purse (and bearer) out the shop. possibly vapourise too.
4) possibly for those who are overstaying their welcome, a stop button? maybe not... perhaps a "countdown" button, where it makes Countdown always on tv, therefor the oldies wont leave their house
(Rushy, Thu 8 Apr 2004, 21:23, Reply)

Krapt Easy Meat
Erm...look at this - all should be explained:
Here
if it isn't then...ignore me and move onto the next one
( tico, Thu 8 Apr 2004, 21:06, Reply)

a seethru
toaster , i did drawings of it and worked it all out you could put custom decals and you could watch your toast slowly get darker it also has independent contols so if your mate likes burnt toast and you dont yours can come out sooner, it worked on a "floting" grill and perspex you see the grills heat came in the form of heated ceramic plates like what they have with hair straighters
(waikiki, Thu 8 Apr 2004, 20:54, Reply)

This is an actual patent
From someone with way too much time on his hands



And they granted it as well!
(Sir Tainley Barking Ezekiel 23:20, Thu 8 Apr 2004, 20:53, Reply)

man has no need to make any more inventions
the only invention that allows man to sit back and relax all the time has already been created, however it takes a lot of training to use, it is know as WOMAN. has the ability to bring open cans of beer from the fridge directly to you waiting hand.
(Monkeyboy9, Thu 8 Apr 2004, 20:44, Reply)

Sour Cream
in a squeezy type container.. they keep making it thicker and i can never get it off the spoon. i could just squeeze out the portion i need. not too much to ask i think.
(yndigo, Thu 8 Apr 2004, 20:44, Reply)

Vibrating Love Pillow
With 3 pleasure giving holes, for relieving "Morning wood". Not that I need one, I'm married with kids, honest.
( Misterk1973 been a hanging around these here parts since, Thu 8 Apr 2004, 20:17, Reply)

Sponge Washing Up Gloves
A mate tried patenting this a few years ago, and even got on Big Breakfast with it. Rubber gloves with Washing Up sponges on the finger tips and a brillo on the thumb tips. Genius, if your a girl.
( Misterk1973 been a hanging around these here parts since, Thu 8 Apr 2004, 20:09, Reply)

Inventions thought up in the pub are generally brilliant
My friend elliot invented all of these in the pub.
( HappyBadger, Thu 8 Apr 2004, 20:00, Reply)

A washing and ironing machine
That you could bung your dirty washing in one end and it would come out the other washed, ironed and hung on hangers in your wardrobe. Bliss!!
(Buxomwench, Thu 8 Apr 2004, 19:53, Reply)

An automatic Guinness pourer.
You just plug a glass in and press start. It tilts the glass and pours, carefully balancing flow, head formation and settling to ensure that you always get a perfect pint out.
It would probably take a while to work, but it could have multiple dispensers, so you could have three or four on the go at once.
(goat thinks you're shit, Thu 8 Apr 2004, 19:41, Reply)

let battle commence
I'd love a handlebar-mounted raw sewage cannon for punishing wanker city drivers and dipstick pedestrians. Car-penetrating sewage warheads might also be developed...
reclaim the streets!
(meatatarian!, Thu 8 Apr 2004, 19:38, Reply)

high amplitude, low frequency speaker
to be placed on the ceiling of a dance floor.

In physics we were watching a video about resonance, wherin we discovered the resonant frequency of man boobs to be around 5Hz.

So this speaker could emmit an inaudible but high amplitude tone at around 5Hz that would cause man boobs (and mabey female ones aswell) to flail around.. i just think it'd be funny to watch.
(not_a_monkey, Thu 8 Apr 2004, 18:22, Reply)

a music stand
that can turn over pages automaticly
( Blobcat Less Jaffacakes this year, Thu 8 Apr 2004, 18:19, Reply)

Ergonomic SMS phone keyboard
As I have a personal hatred of the godawful T9 dictionary vocabulary used in mobile phones and as pressing the '7' key four times to get an 'S' character is purely taking the piss, I'd like to see an optional and ergonomic layout of the alpha keys on a mobile that could greatly speed up SMS messaging.

Think of the time saved! No more dual or coal! No more having to educate a poxy mobile phone - repeatedly - about such words as Cantonese or Giraffe. No more having to type your whole collection of swears back into the annoying beeping thing.

/rant.
(_(_(_(_(_(_(_(_(_ =o.o=, Thu 8 Apr 2004, 18:10, Reply)

piss pouches
It'd be brilliant if someone could like take a piss for you. When your really comfortable but need a piss real bad, just ask your mate who just happens to be going to the pisser to take a piss for you. fucking fantastic.
I don't really know how it would work. Maybe with bellybutton funnels or a piss pouch or something.
(Barry Big Fist, Thu 8 Apr 2004, 18:03, Reply)

A Funky Computer Screen
A computer screen that only you can see. Then when at work, you can play games and not get told off from the boss :-)
(angel8216, Thu 8 Apr 2004, 17:58, Reply)

A petrol
pump that has a button with £5, £10, £15, etc etc £fill it up on it. No just going over.....
( theWooinator, Thu 8 Apr 2004, 17:54, Reply)

Shampoo and Conditioner in one bottle
Then I could take just one bottle into the shower and spend more time looking into other peoples lockers.
(texasjohn, Thu 8 Apr 2004, 17:29, Reply)

a
panic button.
(doktored, Thu 8 Apr 2004, 17:28, Reply)

Food eater
Something to go make and eat your food, and even shitting it for you (with optional flavours of fart).

Thus allowing uninterrupted quality b3ta time. Combined with the boss-assassinator you need never leave the web again!
( TechImp is trying to be nice (with great difficulty)., Thu 8 Apr 2004, 17:24, Reply)

For years I've wanted.....
a "www." button on the keyboard.

Think of the 'w' keys you'd save.
( The Lurker Plenty One, Thu 8 Apr 2004, 17:11, Reply)

Whoever it was who wanted these...
"bottles that have a plastic coating on them that changes colour when its the proper temperature to drink"

Drink Zywiek beer from Poland, it has logos on the labels that do that... And it's very nice.
( dr_fonz, Thu 8 Apr 2004, 17:11, Reply)