.
you know optics, the measures you get in pubs attached to the necks of bottles. you should be able to just buy a bottle of vodka with the measure already attached on top
(John Doe, Fri 9 Apr 2004, 14:19, Reply)

Disposable Cat Litter
Something they can shit and piss in for a few days that you then just throw out and then completely replace. No more weeping at the ammonia or kicking the cat when you come home from the pub and its pissed on the floor.
(garrison, Fri 9 Apr 2004, 13:49, Reply)

a alcohol breath detector
that attaches to your phone a prevents you from making calls if it detects more than the legal limit. Come on... you know you've made those calls before.
(drnuclear, Fri 9 Apr 2004, 13:43, Reply)

A heated
toilet seat
(drnuclear, Fri 9 Apr 2004, 13:41, Reply)

something to stop people
from making my tea too weak....


It would probably involve a big stick, or possibly a cattle prod...
(toastercide, Fri 9 Apr 2004, 13:31, Reply)

y'know those conveyers at airports?
Well, I'd have those, only everywhere. Never have to walk again!
(amazingmikeyc internet ninja, Fri 9 Apr 2004, 13:27, Reply)

Triple-sided sticky tape
you know, to take it to the next level ....

Blue Peter would praise me as a king for that one. Just think how much better your Tracy Island would be if somebody invented it.

oh, and there's the obvious joke one :
Ashtrays for Motorcycles
( MBar And now back to your regularily scheduled lurking., Fri 9 Apr 2004, 12:42, Reply)

A weather detector
You can hang a piece of string outside your window and detect the weather.

Wet string - Its raining
Moving straing - Its windy
No string - Its foggy

:-)
( Dugs - The artist formerly known as Dugsybaws, Fri 9 Apr 2004, 11:42, Reply)

Teeth
I once invented a toothpaste dispenser for a school science fair. It was essentially a mechanism where you shut the tube of tootpaste in the bathroom door and it squeezed out some toothpaste onto your brush.

However, after we had exploded six tubes of the stuff all over the science lab instead of knuckling down and building the thing, I was banned from building it.

Punks.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Fri 9 Apr 2004, 9:50, Reply)

Eye direction indication thingbies
Special glasses which detect the direction in which the wearer is looking and project a small predator-style crosshair or something in exactly the same direction, thereby rendering the wearer incapable of discreetly looking at anything. Could perhaps be used as a punishment for naughty people by discouraging them from staring at the things they would otherwise rape/steal/damage...
( wingpig wish I'd known about liquify eighteen years ago, Fri 9 Apr 2004, 7:27, Reply)

One of these


Because wiping your butt is an activity that should have been automated a long time ago.
( Grampa, Fri 9 Apr 2004, 3:00, Reply)

how about...
an automatic invention inventing invention!


it would save lots of inventing based invention time
( Naive Amoeba Bored Cig, Fri 9 Apr 2004, 2:57, Reply)

Nobody thinks this is a good idea but me...
so i was thinking, guitarists are always having to wrangle around those pesky mikes and stands right?
so i figure, why not make a guitar with the mike up near the tuning pegs so they just sing into their guitar while they are playing?
then, the cord would come out the bottom near the pickups and just be another power cord thats out of the way
voila!
(stay for the adverts, Fri 9 Apr 2004, 2:12, Reply)

the Period Powered Car (tm)
for the woman driver. why waste petrol AND tampons, when you can mix them! if you're on your period, just stick the pipe "inside yourself", flick a switch, and like a farm auto milker, it sucks it out and powers your car with it!

fucking genius!
( Naive Amoeba Bored Cig, Fri 9 Apr 2004, 1:53, Reply)

DrunkCam
Like those secret cameras used by undercover operatives from "Police Camera Action", but Drunkcam is attached to your shoulder. Set it to record when you're going out, and then play it back the next morning. You will then be able to remember why your best mate now hates you, why your nose is broken, and where you got that forklift truck that's parked in your garage.
(MojoRising, Fri 9 Apr 2004, 1:49, Reply)

I thought of this a while back...
A GIANT furnace, a massive one.. maybe even two or three y'know, dotted around england. Atop it there's a sign saying "come in! free fags, rockports and cider", and all the scallies/pikies/ruffians who are too thick to realise the screams of dying youths means to not go in, jump to the opportunity and run in.

they all die. we're all happy.


you may call it genocide...

i call it geniuside!

(quote of the century)
( Naive Amoeba Bored Cig, Fri 9 Apr 2004, 1:31, Reply)

How about...
Fishsticks says: "To put on things that I lose often (keys/remote/mind) And a handheld detector that detects the tags, and will beep as I move closer to them, thus enabling me to find them quicker."

Well, i think this would be good, but instead of increasingly rapid beeps, it shouts "HOT", "COLD", "BOILING" etc etc. It would be useful AND fun! Yay!
( Naive Amoeba Bored Cig, Fri 9 Apr 2004, 1:24, Reply)

A self powering combined Internet/Replicator/Holodeck
So you can do anything you want, at any time, wherever you want to do it and with whoever you want to do it with, and you'd never need to leave it to eat.

/virtual hermit
(ReLiC, Fri 9 Apr 2004, 1:19, Reply)

on a telephone...
it measures the distance the call's coming from, and if the distance is the same as india (like the call centres) it plays a pre-recorded message, for example "fuck off!" or "stick it up your arse you diesel powered cunt rocket!"

perfect
( Naive Amoeba Bored Cig, Fri 9 Apr 2004, 1:12, Reply)

an automaticly refilling frinks dispensor...
...that follows u around the house (I tried training my cat to do this but it turned out woefully inadequete for the task!)
( Manofmilk walks without rhythm but still attracts the worm, Fri 9 Apr 2004, 0:36, Reply)

in reply to amazon girl's post
about automatic page-turning on music stands, it's been invented. i was just reading about it recently, they're electronic and you use a foot-pedal to turn the pages.. neat.
(harmless kitty, Fri 9 Apr 2004, 0:34, Reply)

more telephone ignoring
I'd like to press a button to force the caller into a recorded message where they then have a number of options to choose from, and each one could be programmed.. this would be useful for unwanted marketing calls, and the incoming number could be listed as a bad number at the same time.

Also there should be the option to press a button to have the call recorded by the telephone operator if you want, and have them be made aware of who's calling who, you could then give people like the police access to it.
(hingless, Fri 9 Apr 2004, 0:17, Reply)

brain to speaker connector
so that i could skip all the middle bits of recording and just bask in the music that comes out. then i wouldn't forget it, either. oh god how i need that.
(harmless kitty, Fri 9 Apr 2004, 0:16, Reply)

dream projector
i hate explaining my dreams, because i feel like a boring git, even though some of my dreams are mind-blowingly weird.. being able to watch them like movies would be much easier. also it'd be interesting to pay attention to them while awake, i think..
(harmless kitty, Fri 9 Apr 2004, 0:14, Reply)

Downloadable brains
although my boyfriend tells me that they're mis-named. There'sa Matrix-stylee socket in your head into which you can plug a wire, the other end of which plugs into some sort of computer device. You can then view the contents of your brain and delete old, crap, useless memories and bring ones you like to remember better to the 'front' of your memory list for easier access. Also useful for studying for exams etc. as you could put the information you need into more accessible areas. Could possibly lead to brainfile-sharing programs.

I also like to develop (possibly in conjunction with my previous invention) a program for your brain that allows you to store vast amounts of music, or makes all that music you remember more easily available. With that music you can make playlists, adjust volumes etc. Then instead of having one song stuck in your head you'd have loads you can pick and choose from - a truly personal portable music device.

And, in time, a dream recorder because I'm sick of having dreams I can only remember itty bitty parts of.

I'd also appreciate a instant teleportation device and a time travel machine but they're old clichés.
(sanity challenged, Fri 9 Apr 2004, 0:06, Reply)

It's simpler than it sounds, but...
I once figured out how to get a spaceship to travel faster than light. Haven't been able to try it out yet, though -- a shame too, because I'd be rich if I could!
( CTVadim Eeeeasing back into it., Thu 8 Apr 2004, 23:58, Reply)

Not mine but...
My flatmate had the brainwave of spilcing together the glorious taste of deep-fat-frying and the crisp feel of tumble-dried clothes to create: The Tumble Fryer. Efficient in that it uses far less oil, many different cycles for different foods and a spin cycle to degrease your chips. Perfect (except for the incredibly hot fat being whirled around at about 5000 rpm...
(PsychoticSock, Thu 8 Apr 2004, 23:36, Reply)

telephone ignoring machine
whats more blissful than not having the phone ring all day??...well actually ill not go into that. Could get a bit messy. Well, program the machine to automatically ignore any numbers which arent of your choosing. Brilliant.
(javier, Thu 8 Apr 2004, 23:13, Reply)

joystick lightswitchs
up for 20mins on, right for 40 mins, push the thing in to keep it on, move it anywhere to turn it off again.

(I forget to turn lights off...)
(hingless, Thu 8 Apr 2004, 23:11, Reply)

automatic desk clearer
basically a big fuck off hammer to completely pulverise anything unwanted on you desk. I'd buy one.
(javier, Thu 8 Apr 2004, 23:10, Reply)