As predicted, Karma has bitten me on the bottom
or rather, just above the bum.

As stated earlier on this QoTW, I claimed to have a dentist's appointment on Monday, so I could work from home on that day, as commuting is killing me. I predicted that - as would usually be the case - karma would get me by giving me toothache. I am, thankfully, a crap liar and my body normally makes sure it gives me whatever "sicky" I might be claiming [note to Daily Mail readers at this point - I have been self-employed for 10 years, so I don't in fact get sick pay].

Anyway, toothache would have been better than what actually happened.

On Monday I helped carry a neighbour's old chest freezer up a flight of stairs from their basement and out onto the street to be collected for recycling. The Karma fairy rewarded this selfless act by giving me a comedy bad back. I can hardly bloody walk now, the pain is hell and God knows what the solution is...
Additionally, some bastard clipped my car parked outside my house and knocked the wing mirror off. If I had have gone to work, it would have been safely in the car park.
So, the karmic cost of Mordred doing a day's working from home - one knackered body, one damaged car.
It hardly makes the shag I got from my girlfriend during the working day worthwhile...
( I_Was_Mordred, Thu 28 Feb 2008, 9:32, Reply)

A quickie...and I'm unsure of it's relevance...

It's not big, it's not clever and although it's no justification, it's only for personal use...

But I am a pirate.

Software, music, movies, games...the bloody lot matey - If I can blag it for free then I will.

So guess what job i've got an interview for tomorrow?

Licence manager. Yup, the twunt that makes sure everbody has legal copies of everything or he kicks off.

Karma? dunno - I prob won't get the job anyhoo.

(If anybody would like to gaz me and tell me what a Licence Manager actually does to help me blag the interview...I'd really appreciate it...cos I haven't really got a bastard clue)
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 28 Feb 2008, 9:29, Reply)

fixed speed cameras
whilst driving home this evening, i was aware that behind me, some clown was tailgating and making everyone he drove behind change lanes so he could speed on through

next thing i see the fixed speed camera on the side of the road take two pictures of his speedy ass.

Karma certainly bit him on the arse. That's a $150 fine and 3 demerit points just for being a pushy bastard.

I bet he won't learn though.
(brotagaia, Thu 28 Feb 2008, 8:56, Reply)

Nissan 750z's and alarms
I've been onsite today installing stuff with 2 other work colleagues.. while also getting the piss ripped out of my as yesterday i may have accidentally scraped a Nissan 750z that was parked illegally across a road junction while the twunt was on the phone.. (probably £500 excess coming out of my pay as he was stationary :( )

anyway i digress, I've been having the piss ripped out of me by all and sundry for my minor incident, when we dropped a ladder back to the shop before heading home.. one of the aforementioned piss rippers smacks a ladder directly into the tamper proof alarm box, and then sets the whole intruder alarm malarkey off.

woo blame for latest stupidity incident gets shifted off me.



now i just need to arrange karma for Mr Nissan being smug and telling me to open my eyes next time I'm struggling around a car parked illegally across a junction, but im pretty sure im screwed due to the fact he was stationary, and i was trying to drive around him



for anyone wanting a giggle at my expense, i had to get the van from the road its parked in, parallel to where his car is, note 1 way street + bollards the other side of the road + road marking showing he was over the junction

img301.imageshack.us/my.php?image=spa0192mo3.jpg

img301.imageshack.us/my.php?image=spa0193bg9.jpg

img301.imageshack.us/my.php?image=spa0194bh1.jpg


:(
(Neomancer last looked smug on, Thu 28 Feb 2008, 1:53, 4 replies)

I made a joke about madeline mccann
After doing so I immediatly trod in a shite.

click "I like" to hear the joke
(Chubster Will kill your children and burn your wife on, Wed 27 Feb 2008, 23:58, 1 reply)

Cheating, Cars and Paedophiles, Part 2
This story is more recent and relates to the 18-month relationship I got out of just over a year ago. One half of it, with her being a modded-car obsessed chav who I have no idea why I was involved with in the first place, was her cheating on me with some bloke she knew who had invested £65,000 in a 'drift car' at the height of the 'Tokyo Drift' craze and would regularly 'take her for spins' in it to get her excited. One night when he was showing off, without her in it, he wrapped the thing around a lamp post, forgetting that when you try to steer a car modded for drifting, it carries on in pretty much the same direction it was previously travelling, only sideways. He was, sadly, completely unharmed, but the car was a complete write off, and, as a result of not exactly being road legal, was completely uninsured. £65,000 down the drain, massive debts to pay off on it, and not nearly as cool and sexy without his exotic car.

I don't know why I took her back after that, being someone who can't be arsed with cars or bothering to stick bits of fiberglass to one so I can pretend I'm doing the Paris to Dakar rally on the way to the shops, but I did, but it's worth it for the second part of the story. When she did exactly the same thing again.

This time she left me for a bloke who had a reputation for shagging around all the impressionable women who were impressed by his Subaru somethingorother, so off she went to meet him, jumped on his cock the minute she got out of his car, and instantly fell head over heels in love with him, while he instantly told her to piss off and moved on to his next conquest. Cue her going through exactly what I went through when she left me initially, and me laughing my absolute arse off.

Now she's dropped out of her course, has no job, and lives on a council estate somewhere with a bloke in his mid-30s, who doesn't even have a precious car, that uses her as a free live-in babysitter for his kids by another woman, and every time she gets drunk (which is often), I get a text or an email from her asking what I'm up to and telling me how shit her life is. I don't reply, because it'd be unfair to kick her while she's down. Or would it?
( Shegetz Chris Kamara's comedy moustache, Wed 27 Feb 2008, 22:19, 4 replies)

Cheating, Cars and Paedophiles, Part 1
Most people will remember my story from the Stalked QOTW about the girl who I met from that there internet, who begged me to stay for another week while I was there and forgot that this would clash with her meeting another guy from the same forum, who she then proceeded to shag while I was still in the flat. Most will also remember that a couple of months back, four years after the fact and two years after giving up trying to ruin my life, her life has fallen on it's arse and she is still living in a grotty flat with her mum, working three hours a week and generally being a failure at life, and that a couple of months back I got the chance to turn her down flat after she evidently forgot who I was and tried to chat me up again, but that's just the start of the karmic revenge I've garnered from failed relationships. Where should I begin?

Let's start with the bloke that chatted up the girl I was seeing on-and-off after that, in front of me, cocky to the point where if I told a joke that got a lot of laughs while she was out of the room, he'd repeat it when she got back just to get the laughs from her. Inevitably as all teen girls do when an arrogant tosspot makes themselves known, she almost aquaplaned off her chair in excitement and off she went with him, while I wallowed in my beer like a sulky drunken hippo. A couple of months later, with him rubbing it in at every oppertunity and generally making me feel like an utter twat, came the karmic retribution. A mutual friend, searching through his MSN logs, discovered that the twat had been cybering and 'camming' with the mutual friend's 12-year-old sister. He was 19. Mutual friend dealt with him in his special way, and he hasn't been seen since, completely persona non grata to all the people he used to count as friends.

Ha.
( Shegetz Chris Kamara's comedy moustache, Wed 27 Feb 2008, 22:18, Reply)

Not sure if this really qualifies...
... but I had karma hit me the other way round.

About 18months ago I was pulled over by the local police. I had inadvertantly put my front fog lights on when switching my main lights on (new car, wasn't entirely certain where everything was), when the police saw me whilst I was driving home from rugby training. Pulled me over, and said that they were having a zero tolerance crack down on boy racers in the area. Clearly not a boy racer (rugby kit, covered in mud etc) - as the copper agreed - but seeing as this was a zero tolerance campaign he had no option than to slap me with a £40 on the spot fine. The reason he thought I was a boy racer was the fact I "dazzled him with my fog lights". Fecking jobsworth.

Fast forward to monday of this week. Leaving my job at the local cinema, on autopilot, and was driving home at about midnight. At 60-70mph. In a 40mph zone (yes, I know. Idiot). I didn't see the police car behind me. Pulls me over (after I had realised my mistake and slowed back down) and informs me that if he was a traffic officer, I would be looking at court and at least a 6month ban. Shit. However, as he wasn't a traffic cop, the road was empty and my record is clear, he just said "don't do it again" and let me go on my way...
(animal252 last activated his kitten hammer on, Wed 27 Feb 2008, 21:48, Reply)

Kite Jr...
...is 8, and having a bit of trouble at school with "friends" turning on her; hassling her when shes playing, that sort of thing. We tried talking to the parents -dont want to know as their precious angel couldnt be a bully. Teacher has (we think) dealt with most of this.

Karma ? Well, none....yet; but we're waiting.
(kitescreech still here, Wed 27 Feb 2008, 21:43, Reply)

I've just taken some valium
After a depressing stressful day everything's calmer.
(lost, Wed 27 Feb 2008, 21:26, 1 reply)

Why sexual harrassment just makes sense.
A few years ago, while entrenched in the golden warmth of higher education at a university in New York City, I attended a party thrown in my dorm by one of my best friends, Colin.

Now Colin had gone to great troubles to ensure that a certain girl, Laura, would be in attendance, as he obsessed over her curves on a daily basis and was determined to introduce her to his fleshy length. Funnily enough, after an awkward introduction, they actually got along like a house on fire. That is, until Laura's best friend, Jill, ruined everything by playing a finely polished game of 'block the cock'. She tore Colin up in front of Laura and dragged her out of his room. Cue tears.

Now, at this time, I was rather interested in computer graphics and had cultured a decent Photoshop skillset. I'd also been taking photos at the party. So after watching Colin mope around for a couple of days, I decided to cheer him up by superimposing his and Jill's heads onto a particularly nasty caveman porn picture I'd come across - it looked like he was doing her from behind while pulling back her hair as if she were some sort of bad pony.

When I showed this to Colin, he exploded with laughter and asked for a printout. I complied without thinking, just glad to see my friend happy again.

Somehow, this printout drifted from room to room on our floor, ending up in a study room, and then, one night, was pasted on Jill's door by an unknown culprit.

Obviously this did not go down well with Jill. She raised a huge stink with her RA, who took the printout door-to-door, questioning all of the building's residents as to the picture's origins. When he confronted me, I owned up to making it, given that I didn't really see the harm in my actions and he reassured me that nothing bad would happen.

A week later I was seated in front of the Housing Committee's judicial tribunal being told that I was a 'sexual monster' who had ruined a young girl's university life - she couldn't enter the building before midnight for fear of running into me or my friends, she had earned a new nickname (Betty Rubble), and she wanted blood. Mine.

Within another week, I had been kicked out to another dorm, designated a persona non grata of my old dorm, and placed on academic probation for sexual harassment.

Keep in mind that I was the president of my old dorm and an honors scholar. Talk about a scandal.

However, my dad reversed the blow by dropping $200 on me when I was forced to move, saying that I should forget the whole thing and have a crazy weekend!

Some might think that this was karma enough, but noooo, the fates weren't satisfied yet.

Two months later I was at a Bulgarian nightclub when I spotted Jill and Laura, both horribly drunk, flirting with a friend of mine in the corner. I decided to ignore them and kept on dancing, but within minutes they had spotted me and started whispering to each other. As they approached I imagined the worst and continued to ignore them. Imagine my surprise when I was offered a threesome! Given that Colin was still obsessed with Laura, and that I'd rather eat a bucket of rancid meat than touch Jill, I turned them down politely and moved away from them, into the crowd.

Later that night I entered the subway to head home, where I was overjoyed to find Jill face down in a pool of her own vomit, blowing bubbles and spreading it over the concrete with her devil tongue.

Score another for karma!

But this STILL wasn't enough for the fates. Though I felt they went a little too far with this one...

About a year had passed since the threesome proposition when I heard a horrible story. Jill and Laura were living together in the East Village, and Jill had brought some random guy home from a bar. She had work early the next morning and so decided to leave this stranger in her bed to excuse himself when he was ready to go. Laura got talking to him before he left, and he suggested that they grab breakfast together. She agreed, though he mentioned that he would have to stop by his hotel room to grab some cash from the minisafe. Again, she agreed, and followed him up to his room.

The second he opened the door, two other guys jumped out and pulled her inside. They kept her there for a while, the men taking turns raping, sodomizing and beating her, before leaving her in the room, hardly able to move. She finally reported the attack to the police after a couple months, but refused to testify for fear of being attacked again.

Talk about a horrible story right?

Well, it's not quite over.

Karma truly made a farce of the entire situation when the following summer, the same Housing Committee that found me guilty HIRED me to design their new print materials, apparently based on the strength of my Photoshop skills!

I guess that I'm due for something pretty nasty. Still waiting...!

(names have been changed)
(blahbittyblah, Wed 27 Feb 2008, 21:07, 7 replies)

Not necessarily karma...
This is a tale about an ex-work colleague (let’s call him ‘Negative’, as it makes for a clever and appropriate pun on his real name); one who had a penchant for lying, largely about flings with the women he most desired, who, without fail, refused to acknowledge or return his affections. Talking endlessly about his heroics during fisticuffs, which may have been true, but in my book makes him even more of a cnut. Trying to force himself upon unsuspecting women in bars, clubs, the street… (although he wasn’t guilty of actually violating them, what he used to call chatting women up usually involved pressing himself against them and allowing his hands to run freely over their unwilling bodies). And frequently drinking way beyond his capacity then galloping swiftly home under the power of several horses.

The karma bit, as is supposed to be the point of this already meandering tale, loosely comes with Negative finding new gainful employment (having been removed from my current company for developing something of a fondness for drinking too much, every night), buying a shiny new car with even more horses, and continuing the old drink driving habits, but to a far greater degree.

This, ultimately and predictably, meant that one cold winter’s eve, with 12 pints of Belgium’s most reassuringly expensive sloshing around his stomach, he clambered aboard his shiny new stead and sped down the road towards his home. At some point along the short route from tavern to dwelling his horses overpowered him and flung themselves at some of their stationary friends, causing in excess of £30,000 worth of damage.

Of course he waited patiently (read ‘dazed and confused’) in his car until the police arrived to whisk him away for bed and breakfast at her majesty’s pleasure, and is now having to face the consequences of his actions. Not entirely a story about karma I know, but if karma exists, he’ll soon be fending off insalubrious advances in prison, and ones far worse than those many a woman has had to endure during his past drunken escapades...
( Moey, Wed 27 Feb 2008, 19:07, 1 reply)

Cars+speed+police=Karma
Well known police speed check haunt near my house driving along observing the speed limit (30mph since you ask) am starting to get irritated by hair gelled large spectacle wearing toss face in his (new style)Mini Cooper three inches from bumper but not compelled to either a) speed up or b) brake test him because c) I drive a much faster and more powerful car than him (RS4 for any of you anoraks out there and possibly the sort of tosser that icklemonkey parks next to!) and therefore do not feel the need to prove it to anyone and d) I am familiar with aforementioned speed check likelihood. Guess what folks, yup, overtaken, watch as tit accelerates up to 50-60mph vanishes. Come round corner as he is being pulled over by Mr Bobby and his shiny blue light. Window down, grin, wave and encourage kids in back of car to do same. Maybe I am just a bad parent!
( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Wed 27 Feb 2008, 18:47, 3 replies)

Short and sweet.
About 6 months ago karma visited me while I was in a car park.

My car is not fantastic, it is an e-reg fiat panda. I was parked next to a pretty nice car, BMW something. BMW driver and I return to our cars at the same time.

"Nice car" BMW driver sneers before jumping into their car. Now I am not sure of the BMW was a new acquisition for this driver but he seemed to have forgotten where reverse was and instead of reversing at speed out of his parking space and leaving me in a cloud of dust he drove straight forward into the wall of the car park.

I smiled and waved on my way out.
(icklemonkey, Wed 27 Feb 2008, 18:19, 4 replies)

The Revenge Of Inanimate Objects
Many moons ago, I used to work for a brewery alongside the Manchester Ship Canal, adjacent to one of the many swing-bridges along it's length (Stockton Heath for anyone who's interested...). There were many places about the brewery where one could skive off to with very little risk of being found in a hurry, and one such spot was on one of the roofs which overlooked the swing-bridge and a small newsagents-cum-grocery shop which stood a mere 30 yards from the bridge.

The number of times that we were able to look down on the passing traffic and witness drivers with their hands up their wifes/girlfriends/secretary's skirts (and very often this being reciprocated) as they passed, oblivious to us watching from above, are too numerous to mention, but sadly, that is a story for another time, as I am digressing....

The aforementioned newsagents/grocery shop was a veritable goldmine, as practically everybody who worked in the brewery used it on their way to, from or during work, and it being on a very busy main road (A49) also meant that they got a lot of passing trade.

Anyway, on the day in question, a handful of us had taken ourselves out onto the roof, for although it had rained heavily during the night, the day had dawned sunny and warm and everything had dried up nicely enough to catch some rays. It was at this point that a truck driver pulled up outside the shop, doubtless with the intention of picking up a Ginsters or a Yorkie or such-like. He exited his cab, and on his way around the truck to reach the kerb, he proceeded to start checking the straps that were holding whatever the truck was carrying. He continued around the back of the truck and onto the kerb, all the time tugging at each strap to ensure that his load was indeed secure. Satisfied that it was, he turned to go into the shop and walked straight into the lamp post which was holding the road sign, warning of the impending proximity of the bridge...

Now, dear reader, this would have been funny in itself, but the guy then proceeded to go absolutely MENTAL.... He seized the lamp-post and went completely ape-shit with it! He was kicking it, screaming at it (it's a lamp-post FFS!) before finally seizing it in both hands and attempting to strangle it.

I'm not sure that what happened next was actually karma, or whether he had frightened the poor lamp-post so much that it felt it was time to fight back... Like most road signs in the UK - especially those of a warning nature - this one had a light above it, so that it could be illumunated (obviously) at night. These lamps have a protective diffuser over them to protect them from the elements, but obviously this one had worked loose at some point and had allowed the weather to get in... Did I mention that it had rained heavily the night before...?

Yep, all the shaking and physical abuse left the poor lamp-post no option but to dump the contents of it's diffuser onto the driver's head and shoulders. He was wetter than an otter's pocket. I like to think that at this point, reason kicked in, and the driver realised his folly, before giving up and slinking sheepishly into the shop.

I would love to be able to add that on his exit from the shop we gave him a hard time from the safety of our fooftop vantage point, and ripped the piss no end, but in actual fact, he looked so broken and beaten that we couldn't bring ourselves to do it. Still makes me laugh nearly twenty years later though...
(Desolation Angel, Wed 27 Feb 2008, 16:56, 2 replies)

Pretty Poppies
OK folks, confession time. I'm not a nice person, in fact as hinted in last weeks QOTW (Front page first time - not with the hint story admittedly! Woo! Yay!), I'm a drug dealer. Not small time - I've been shipping major loads of smack into the UK for the last few years.

As you might imagine, the various things going on in Afghanistan has caused me major problems with my supply chain. If they're not having religious moments and burning the crop, they're joining in with the Septics and, well, burning the crop.

So, I've had to be sneaky, and arrange a dedicated supply. I went over a few months back, made some arrangements, and so now I have my very own...

"...in 'Stan far-mer"

I thang kew.

Oh come on - it's Wednesday, it's practically been renamed Puns-day.

(Oh, alright, I have no karma stories - I'm slightly nice to people, the universe is slightly nice to me)

Length - between 2 and 5 feet tall apparently.
( Fireflier La la la la, not listening on, Wed 27 Feb 2008, 16:41, Reply)

Women and Karma
I was about 18 at the time and used to stay in a small village in the country. My then G/F also came from the same village, she stills lives there.

The village had one pub and although we had been drinking in it since we were 14 it was not the place to be at the weekend, too boring. So we used to crash out at my grans in the local town which had 16 pubs and 4 clubs not bad for a place with only 10 000 inhabitants.

So the Karma bit.

After a long night out in town me and my G/F take a taxi back to my grans. I was very very drunk and managed to fall in grans prize flowerbed and then spewed up in the Kitchen sink. Well my G/F was not happy and gave me a right ear full, not what I needed as I was rather unwell. Next day my Gran also got stuck in, as did my Mother when she arrived later in the day.

So role on the next weekend. Saturday night again taxi back to my grans and well I was soberish my G/F not so and yes she fell in the same flower bed then she threw up, this time all over the back step, poor girl, at least I made it to the sink. So Karma in a way but I still got it in the neck for getting her so drunk. Women ! You can’t win.
(nee22 NL ExPat, Wed 27 Feb 2008, 15:31, Reply)

Chav justice
Driving home from work one day, I looked in my rear view mirror to see a moped riding, trackie wearing chav inches away from the back of my car. Although it's not going to hurt me if I brake suddenly, I don't fancy his ugly mug going through my rear window. So I brake a few times to show him the red lights, see if he'll back off. He seems to take this as a challenge, however, and tries to get even closer.

So I try the other option, drop down to third, and take off down the road, only doing 40, but just trying to put a bit of space between us. Drop down to second for the mini-roundabout and turn right.

Look in my rearview as I'm heading off in this new direction and the chav, still following me, takes the roundabout too fast, clips a kerb and rides straight into a bollard, and it being one of the new plastic affairs, bounces off onto his arse, moped scraping along the road. Was the most I could do to avoid crashing into oncoming traffic I laughed so much watching his dwindling form gingerly pick itself up off the road. From the looks of it, he only ended up with a bruised ego and a few scratches on his bike, but fuck me it was funny.
( LemonEntryMyDearWatson This time, Moriarty, the hand is on the other foot, Wed 27 Feb 2008, 15:11, 3 replies)

More 'Carma'
Apologies for the number of car-related stories I seem to post, but it seems that automobiles are a fantastic source of woe.

My mum has a 4-year-old car which is no longer under warranty. As such, I keep reminding her that it is even more important to regularly check oil, water, tyre pressures, tread depths, et cetera.

But she doesn't pay the slightest bit of notice.

Her response is usually "Well they do that at the service!"

So you're happy to only check your oil once a year? Mother dearest, you may well drive a Toyota, but it still won't work properly without proper lubrication of the engine. Or tyres. Or coolant.

The extent of her automotive laziness is such that, left to her own devices, she would not even put more water in the windscreen washer bottle. She's happy to go until the next service with a permanently dirty windscreen.

So, of course, this means the only reason her car doesn't fall apart is that every time I drive it, I end up doing all these things.

It hasn't happened yet, but I'm sure one day, when I no longer need to borrow it, her 4-year-old £14000 car will seize up and be a write-off, one that's not covered by insurance or her warranty.

Oh, and I also keep telling her not to go to the main dealer to have work done. Yet she ignores me, and then complains long and loud about paying £500 for a brake job.

That's karma.
(Half of Stephen Fry's right buttock pissed on your dog on, Wed 27 Feb 2008, 15:05, 2 replies)

not me but this really is karma
(this guy is trying to door people off thier bikes)

youtube.com/watch?v=xGcQxvfLVzI

fools get what they deserve
( Drunken Vet, Wed 27 Feb 2008, 14:35, 6 replies)

Bullies...
Well, I feel I should give a bit of a back story to this tale, so apologies in advance for length,

I moved, and moved schools between year 11 and 12 (aged 16 to our merkin friends). At my old school, I was always known as the one with the risque sense of humour, always telling the jokes that would make people nervous, and greatly enjoying the debate that would inevitably occur over one of my many sexist jokes. So I decided to implement this at my new school asap (in hindsight, not the best idea)

It was 2 weeks into the new term, and we had a "Driving Safety Talk" in which a woman stood at the front and plied 150 bored sixth formers with facts. By the end, she was having a bit of a laugh and joke, so people were shouting out responses to her facts.

One of her facts was "Lads, you're more likely to be in a car accident", so I quickly responded "Isn't that because women crash into us?". Silence.

Complete silence, as everyone (bar the only two people who would speak to me)looked at me as if I was something they'd just stepped in (even the lads ffs).

Handily, the woman gave a bit of a snigger, and carried on, so I didn't think anything more of it. I was very wrong.

For the next week, I had people shouldering into me in the corridor, lads trying to start a fight with me "because i'd offended their girlfriend" and so on and so forth. Basically, utter bullshit.

However, out of this mire, one group of 8 stood out in their nastiness more than others. They would follow me, threaten me, abuse me. At one point, they even wrote an email claiming to be from me, insulting every member of that group, and stuck it on the common room wall early one morning. The problem with their theory? I was late that day, and the entire group saw me arrive, as they were stood enjoying a mid morning cancer stick. So that plan was fucked. The most entertaining fact was that they still tried to blame me, after I pointed out the numerous spelling errors ("You might have done that on purpose?") and when i pointed out they'd seen me arrive that morning ("Maybe you got someone else to put it up for you"). At this point, I was going to snap, as I'd been trying me hardest to be nice to this lot, and they were just being childish.

And snap I did.....I started absolutely laughing my tits off! Half dying, I couldn't even finish sentences. "So you're saying.....hahahaha.....that.....I got someone else?.....hahaha....to put this up....BULLSHIT!". Then continued to giggle. I asked if James Bond was also involved, and should I contact MI6 and ask where I was at 0900 that morning.

However, they were so thick they didn't actually get that I was insulting them, usual cheshire really.

Oh...Karma? Ok, i'll get to the point...

The next week, they were insulting a nameless person while I was sat there, and I knew full well they were talking about me. It was one sentence that day, that stuck in my mind when I finally decided enough was enough (as I'm not a violent person anymore), and went to the head of 6th form, as I'm sick of being bullied.

That phrase was, "Sexists never get anywhere in life, he'll end up getting sacked from McDonalds straightaway". Now, they knew I was starting at McDonalds the next week, so it was fairly obvious they were on about me.

Now comes the fun...
It's been 3 1/2 years since then, and here's what's happened to that group. (Initials because I can't be arsed to type full names, they're the real initials)

JS - Now 19, with a baby and still living with his mummy.
KL - Discovered her beloved boyfriend was shagging her best friend - haven't spoken in over a year. Now failing at Uni somewhere.
S - Regularly seen in Costa Coffee, cleaning the floor as I walk past after work from my well paid job.

Those three made my life a living hell for two years, so I'm glad they're unhappy.

Bullys are cunts, not matter what age they are.

Length? Seems longer now it's bald!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 27 Feb 2008, 13:44, 4 replies)

Karma for the Mobile phone user driving...
I'm always on at my girlfriend for using her phone while driving, but she doesn't seem to care. A few months ago she rung up in a state of panic saying she'd been pulled over for using her phone and she was going to lose her license. My inner voice was screaming 'I f*cking told you so you dozy cow!!!', but what I ended up saying was more along the lines of 'don't worry sweety of course you won't'.

It turns out that she had let her insurance lapse because she moved and neglected to tell them. So they sent all the renew docs to her old house. So she ended up getting nicked for talking on her mobile and no insurance which took her over her points which meant an instant ban.

She ended up hiring a solicitor and spending over £2k to get off the charge. She was so happy when she got off that she called me right away from, you guessed it, the front seat of the car while driving home.

She still uses her phone all the time, but not when I'm in the car. Next time she gets caught I'm going really rub it in. Karma may have let her get away this time, but i'm just waiting for the next one. I can't wait for the day she has to buy a bus ticket cos she's so smug about never using public transport.

So I said to my mom when she asked for an update: 'Karma in the car Ma. It's going to happen soon'.

.
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Wed 27 Feb 2008, 13:39, 9 replies)

Carma
Not mine, but I thought it was worth a link as it sort of fits with the question:

www.b3ta.com/questions/thattaughtem/post77679
(Half of Stephen Fry's right buttock pissed on your dog on, Wed 27 Feb 2008, 13:38, Reply)

Fast response Karma
I live in a flat that requires walking up a mud ridden back lane to get to. last night my gf decided to try and push me in the mud as we were walking down it to the shop in the dark. I managed to get my balance and sort of tight rope walk around it. She giggled as she watched me do this. I go back up straight and carried on walking. 3 steps later and she walks straight into a very deep puddle and get her nice new shiny shoes wet.. That was very fast karma.
(green_giant, Wed 27 Feb 2008, 13:09, Reply)

Not quite irony...
We have a friend who seems able to effect karma or probability. Essentially it works whenever he utters "I don't think that's a very good idea", the effect he has is that somebody gets injured quite badly (normally a paticularly stupid mutual friend.)

Examples as follow:

Stupid friend (SF) manages to steal an unspent shotgun cartridge from his work (a clay pigeon shoot), then sat on his drive with a potatoe peeler and a brick in order to set it off.... the words were uttered... the cartrige went off, and surgery was required to remove a firing pin from his hand (made a mess out of the potato peeler too).

Stupid friend was messing around with an air rifle that had a disabled (read: fucked) safety and no trigger guard... the words were uttered... and SF's left kneecap got shattered.

Stupid Friend... hang on.

I'm noticing a pattern....
( BulldogUgly Visit my profile to see what's between my legs, Wed 27 Feb 2008, 13:08, 5 replies)

I once
Bought a lovely middle-eastern pitta with carved meats, salad and hummus.

You could say it was a great example of Shwarma in action!!!


Must try harder at this pun thing...
(Adamish Time of death, Wed 27 Feb 2008, 13:06, 2 replies)

never run when a taxi will do
lost my wallet had to go to the bank and plead my case to get money out as i had no ID no card nought. eventually got sorted and trotted happily on my way home (decided to skip a taxi to save money hah) to get a bus to get a helicopter to gf's (she lives on an island) got home checked trousers no money ( i had 180). it had fallen out somewhere while i was runnin. WTF checked the road twice nothing. felt depressed as fuck but gf loaned me some cash so got trollied that night yay.

3 weeks later walking past a banklink noticed it was beeping. looked 160 quid in it. yoink mine. waited 10 mins nobody showed up looking for it. went to pub and then it gets fuzzy.

oh well though only down 30 quid and i can live with that cheers karma it all evens our :)
(Samantha Bricks Better half done a poo on, Wed 27 Feb 2008, 12:45, 4 replies)

Karma and the Art of Panelbeating.
A few years ago my brother was merrily riding his motorbike when a car suddenly pulled out and clipped his back wheel. This led to an interesting few minutes as my brother tried to maintain control of his bike. Meanwhile the car had gone on his way, possibly muttering something about bloody bikers.
Never fear, karma came visiting shortly afterward and his car suffered a slight mishap that left his body panels in need of repair.
Alright, so the slight mishap was my brother catching up with the smug motoring buffoon a mile down the road and repeatedly applying a size 16 boot to his bodywork.
And I think I may have confused Karma with Nemesis.
Sorry.
(Big D, Wed 27 Feb 2008, 12:32, 1 reply)

Go on then.. twist my arm
Can anyone come up with a word for this variation?

7 years ago, the current Mrs CS and I were on holiday on Menorca, with my nipper. We were larking about by a pool, and due to go out later for meal.

"Oi you two" she said, "Be careful out there, don't run" and promptly slipped on some steps(whilst holding a glass) and broke her arm.

2 years ago, the ex Mrs CS, same nipper and a mate were on holiday in Spain near Barcelona (I wasn't there).
"Oi you two" she said, "Be careful out there, don't run" and promptly slipped on a tiled floor and broke her arm.

I don't know if this 'nagging karma' coming home to roost, but it's a bit unnerving.

In an attempt to cheat fate I did and do all manner of fool hardy gung ho things. Granted I did break my collar bone rolling down a hill, but hey, at least I wasn't telling someone off at the time.
(Countryslicker, Wed 27 Feb 2008, 10:45, 7 replies)

Yesterday…

I went to a parent’s evening for Mini-Pooflake1…

My jaw dropped when the teacher told me that he was very intelligent and had a wonderful way with words, but was a bit lazy, and did not seem bothered to reach his full potential.

I was told he was a bit of a worrier, that he seemed tired a lot, only really applied himself on the subjects that he was interested in and that it was a bit frustrating for the people around him because they all knew he was capable of so much more…

So what goes around truly does come around…I had myself perfectly described back to myself through my son…

(Except for the ‘intelligent’ and ‘way with words’ bit - he gets that from the missus)
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 27 Feb 2008, 10:19, 20 replies)