Jeremy Beadle's small hand
Alone at a BBQ a mutual friend introduced me to very beautiful girl. We got on brilliantly, everything looked positive. Personally, I believe I was very sexy and hilarious: a font of high class jokes and cerebral humour.

That is until the drink and nerves kicked in... I picked up one of those large 660ml bottles of beer in one hand, and a small bottle of beer in the other. Instantly I reverted to type and announced loudly to the girl and the wider group "look I'm Jeremy Beadle!". Bemused faces. I desperately felt the need to elucidate.

"Jeremy Beadle. He's got a small hand"
(Waves big bottle of beer)
"Well he's dead now, but he had a very small hand"
(Jiggles large bottle beside small bottle)
"You mean you haven't heard that joke. You know... Jeremy Beadle's got a big penis. But on the other hand its quite small"
(Half-heartedly jiggles large bottle of beer in a masturbatory motion)

EVERYONE turned their back on me and started new conversations. Jeremy Beadle's hand is cursed.
(Parmenu, Fri 23 Aug 2013, 7:08, 2 replies)

I like this.

(Dr Doctor Can't you see I'm burning burning?, Fri 23 Aug 2013, 9:55, closed)

Black men all have small hands, so I hear.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 23 Aug 2013, 12:47, closed)