there's just no substitute
arriving at a friend's house one day, i discovered him sitting on the floor amidst a large pile of lego.
"bit old for lego, aren't you?" i asked.
"making a leg" was his rather odd reply.
"what? why the fuck would you want to make a leg out of lego?"
"table's broke"
it suddenly became clear. the table leg had snapped and he was attempting to replace it with one made of lego.
"it won't work," i said, "it's not strong enough"
"will work," he muttered.
i sat and watched him for about half an hour, as he finished constructing his makeshift leg. carefully, he slid it into place under the tabletop.
"see?" he crowed with glee, "told you it'd work!"
i said nothing, just waited while he put his large, heavy ceramic fish back onto the table. then i smiled as the lego leg slid sideways and collapsed, dropping his fish to the floor, where it smashed.
he got rid of his lego soon afterwards.
tit.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 25 Oct 2013, 16:08, 12 replies)

My baby brother liked to put lego into his gob when he was teething, guess what I did?
Peed on it?

No, I smashed his fucking face in for getting his dribble all over it.
( MisterPunch did it that way on, Fri 25 Oct 2013, 16:01, 2 replies)

I once built a Lego cable car.
I used fishing wire, attached to a technics based pulley system in my bedroom on the third floor of my rents house, and the bird table at the bottom of the garden. It was about 20 metres long in all.

I was about to build a second, in order to re-enact a certain scene from 'Where Eagles Dare' (most of my creations were based on the film i'd just watched) but our elderly gardener Mr Milton pottered into the existing line and nearly garroted himself.

So that was that.
(magictorch, Fri 25 Oct 2013, 15:28, 9 replies)

I entered a competition in Allders
The remit was to guess how many bricks comprised the Lego castle on display in store - the winner receiving a family holiday to Legoland in Denmark.

I came second - receiving a small Lego refuse truck, which I already had.
(i.charlius *Two Ronnies Theme*, Fri 25 Oct 2013, 15:13, 6 replies)

I used a LEGO brown broomstick to flick droplets of water onto a hot lightbulb
Oh how I giggled with delight as the water fizzed and evaporated, what a satisfying sound it made, not so much fun when said lightbulb explodes, embedding many tiny shards of glass in your face.

Mum - it didn't just miraculously explode, I was being a twat.
( A Rory Borealis here under duress, Fri 25 Oct 2013, 14:42, 4 replies)

As a kid I did many un-thought-through things. At about 10, when I first got the Lego Technical motor, I took a decent wad of fresh BluTak (which was another thing I loved as a kid) and stuck it firmly on the shaft of the motor. I then took four of my father's brand new Swann Morton #11 scalpel blades and stuck them firmly into the BluTak in an X shape. Job done. Time to try out my AWESOME BLADES OF DEATH! I started with a piece of paper. It kind of worked eventually. Not quite the devastating results I had in mind. Oh well, still good enough to destroy my older sister's Spandau Ballet poster, or at least the bottom corner. But as it feebly chewed through the Smash Hits logo and Tony Hadley's leg, my creation fell apart and flew to pieces, blades whizzing past my face.
(spacefart3000 Sporadic, at best., Fri 25 Oct 2013, 13:41, 2 replies)

I too played with Lego as a child.
See you all next week.
(Thor McLegend FUCK SHITPANTS PAC MAN, Fri 25 Oct 2013, 13:31, 3 replies)

There used to be a Lego shop in the Bullring Center in Birmingham
It's gone now though. Broken Britain.

I like to think a giant child came and smashed it to pieces, then the bricks were loaded into a giant bucket somewhere, except for a sharp one which will end up lodged in the foot of another passing giant.
( h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Fri 25 Oct 2013, 12:57, Reply)

I liked Meccano.

( Fork Has lost his bash virginity!, Fri 25 Oct 2013, 12:29, 3 replies)

I also have children.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 25 Oct 2013, 11:30, 3 replies)

I really can't stand all those yellow-skinned bastards.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 25 Oct 2013, 11:04, 11 replies)

Something,
something, something, legover pun.
( social hand grenade I was a lurker before you were a lurker, Fri 25 Oct 2013, 11:01, 2 replies)

Lego is great
There was a kid at my school called Daniel. Daniel (never Dan) was a good friend of mine, but didn't have a lot of friends as he was a shy lad who kept himself to himself. As his friend, I used to be invited around his house for dinner sometimes.

Now, we were about 12 at the time. Around the time this set came out: lego.wikia.com/wiki/6973_Deep_Freeze_Defender

Daniel had saved up all his pocket money and got his grandad to chip in so that he could buy it and loads of other sets in the range. Added to his already large collection of Lego, he now had the means to build something absolutely massive. He asked me what I was doing on Saturday. I wasn't busy.

When I arrived on Saturday, I found that Daniel had done technical drawings across several sheets of paper, along with inventories of all the parts needed. We spent several hours assembling a gigantic ship worthy of the Star Wars universe. It used the outline of the original ship, but added a cargo bay large enough to hold two large tanks. It also had two detachable fighters attached to the side wings. On top of this, he had added totally unnecessary (aesthetically speaking) space inside set aside for fuel tanks, cooling apparatus for the engines, fuel lines, etc. He had really thought this through.

At about half-five, shortly before I was going to have to head home for my tea, we had got the thing finished to Daniel's satisfaction. We (very gingerly) picked it up and carried it downstairs to show to his family. Mum, Dad, and younger brother Chris were watching TV in the lounge, and were slightly bemused by Daniel and I entering holding a massive spaceship. Daniel began to explain it and Chris chipped in "Lego is for kids. I don't even play with Lego! Why have you got to be so weird?". Dad said "Well, he does have a point son. You're twelve. Why aren't the two of you out playing football or riding bikes or something?". Mum just looked a bit embarrassed.

Daniel was moody for the rest of the week, and never invited me around to play with Lego again. Instead, we did go out on bike rides and play football with other kids. A few years later, we went our separate ways to Sixth Form College and then University, but we always kept in touch, and I know that Daniel still kept all his Lego, and even found some like-minded people at University who liked building stuff in their spare time. Now with beer and pizza and computer-aided-design.

Daniel is now a PhD in Engineering and gets paid large amount of money to mess around building cool things on a much larger scale, when not teaching. No one ever takes the piss out of him for being too old to play with Lego.
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Fri 25 Oct 2013, 10:08, 1 reply)

Hmm.
This one seems to have brought out some of the cock-milkers.

Ok...
About 4 years ago the lady who is our tenant in our rental property (and also a former workmate and good friend) gave us an approx. 25L. bucket packed full of Lego that her two now-grown-up sons had accrued over the years.
Our daughter at the time was going beyond playing with wooden building blocks and starting to play with Duplo. During the next couple of years she played fairly regularly with the 40L. crates worth of Duplo I managed to scrounge from various Op-Shops and friends. And never once showed the slightest interest in the afore-mentioned Lego.

About 8mths. ago during a tidy up of our "Crap Room" I found said bucket of Lego and following the "If it ain't been used in 6 mths. it's out the door" precept I duly delivered it to a local Op-Shop for some lucky youngster to play with or choke on (the Lego, not the bucket!).

A couple of months after that my daughters (somewhat spoilt) tastes shifted from LaLaLoopsy to "Friends" Lego. It's basically girly Lego. You can build horses and stable and what-not...
And don't even start me on minifigs!

About two hundred dollars later buying a couple of these "Friends" packs and a couple of buckets of 'generic' pieces I'd like to rip someone's yellow, barrel shaped head off, bend their tiny singly articulated legs and place the top of their head into the resulting butt cheek hole!
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Fri 25 Oct 2013, 9:42, 14 replies)

I would quite like to see
a varient on the Skittles ad except instead of everything a man touches turns into lego, everytime the same man cums it would spurt out as lego which would assemble itself into a variety of amusing shapes.
kill me now....
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Fri 25 Oct 2013, 9:24, 11 replies)

MASSIVE lugs
An unwise amount of magic mushroom was taken with a mate and we built these huge spaceships out of a load of space Lego, they were amazing.

The next day we realised they were appalling piles of shit.

Lego is for kids but since drugs whittle down your intellect until you are a childlike it was okay to play with Lego**

Aparently if you want to play Lego these days you should play Minecraft. Personally I've got better things to do with my time

** It wasn't we were twats
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Fri 25 Oct 2013, 9:19, Reply)

Going through a box of my old Lego, that'd been stashed in my parents' loft,
I found an articulated, Technicman - like an Action Man sized minifigure, with elbows and knees. Never seen one before, or since. Did anyone else have one of these?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 25 Oct 2013, 9:12, 12 replies)

Lego Land is hugely disappointing

(LetsGetDownToIt, Fri 25 Oct 2013, 8:58, 11 replies)

A great many years ago
a friend and I decided to enter an awesome creation in Lego for the county fair. I suggested the Notre Dame Cathedral. After hours of work, we had created a pretty decent version of the front bit, complete with flying buttresses, stained glass windows (made from the radar dishes from the moonbase set backed with colored cellophane), the whole nine yards. I thought it had a good chance.
A couple days later, I went over to his house, just to discover he had torn it all down. Because he wanted to play with his moonbase set.
Idiot.
(drwonk, Fri 25 Oct 2013, 8:36, Reply)

My kids have some Lego.
They leave it lying around for me to step on.
Lego is for children and children are cunts.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Fri 25 Oct 2013, 8:20, 12 replies)

L
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( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 25 Oct 2013, 7:45, Reply)

I have a Lego bike

( Peej, Fri 25 Oct 2013, 7:19, Reply)

A friend of mine,
back in the 90's, had a large wooden cable spool as a table, in his room. He realised that the curve on the edges pretty much matched the curve of the lego railway that he owned. He ended up building a track around the edge of the table on which was a lego locomotive and a flat truck with an ashtray glued to the top of it. The idea was that you all crash out around the table and the roll'o'weed can be placed in the ashtray and driven around the table to the next person. It lasted about a month because the friend is a bit skanky and layer of mystery goo built up on the rails.
( The Togaboy The world will end on, Fri 25 Oct 2013, 5:44, Reply)

Sexism! Lego! Bins!
For my boyfriend's (26th) birthday I got him a green bin lorry LEGO set he'd been hankering over. He found it hilarious and ace. Little bins with rubbish! Excellent.

So the day came and he diligently sat down at the dining room table to build his little LEGO lorry. After a while he delightedly announced it was finished and I trotted over to see it. It was pretty cool, with bin tipping action and strange bits of rubbish including a banana, a fish and some sort of strange lamp shade-like things. Not sure what those were...

Now, I'm not usually (as far as I was aware) a sexist person. Even if I have unfair thoughts I make sure not to act on them and be a better person. Equality all the way. But I surprised myself for a split second here.

He was fixing some bits on it when I pushed it about and picked up the bin man. Or so I thought. There was a brief moment when I turned the bin man over and thought, "Huh. This bin man is wearing make up. That's a bit odd." before I realised that I'd just assumed bin man was a man's job. That quick flash in my head was enough, and it tickled me. I rolled with it.

Thus, he now has a little bin lorry on his desk full of fish, lamp shades, bananas and a tough-arsed bin woman named Bitch Tits.

"Pick up the damned fish, Bitch Tits! This a man's job, Bitch Tits!"

We've decided she's in a band with the other bin man.

TL;DR LEGO brought out my sexism.
( vix0r was not Matthew on, Fri 25 Oct 2013, 0:46, 7 replies)

First

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 25 Oct 2013, 0:26, 1 reply)

K-Nex for life!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 25 Oct 2013, 0:25, Reply)

Lego technic is better

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 25 Oct 2013, 0:24, Reply)

Errrrrreee
I LIKED THIS LEGO BACK IN 68 AND IT STILL ROCKS, BUT IT WAS THE WHOLE PACKAGE, NOT JUST THE DUPLO LICK. BUT IN 2013, FUCK SHITPANTS NUGENT. HE IS ALL TOUGH, BUT WHEN IT WAS HIS TIME T5O HAVE BULLE4TS WIZ BY HIS HEAD, HE SHIT HIMSELF HERE AT HOME. FUCK HIM AND FUCK HIS DENIALS. EVEN IF IT ISN'T TRUE, IF YOU ARE STUPID ENOUGH TO TELL THAT STORY, NOW YOU OWN IT SHITPANTS. NO GETTING AWAY FROM IT.

I LIKED THIS LEGO BACK IN 68 AND IT STILL ROCKS, BUT IT WAS THE WHOLE PACKAGE, NOT JUST THE DUPLO LICK. BUT IN 2013, FUCK SHITPANTS NUGENT. HE IS ALL TOUGH, BUT WHEN IT WAS HIS TIME T5O HAVE BULLE4TS WIZ BY HIS HEAD, HE SHIT HIMSELF HERE AT HOME. FUCK HIM AND FUCK HIS DENIALS. EVEN IF IT ISN'T TRUE, IF YOU ARE STUPID ENOUGH TO TELL THAT STORY, NOW YOU OWN IT SHITPANTS. NO GETTING AWAY FROM IT.

I LIKED THIS LEGO BACK IN 68 AND IT STILL ROCKS, BUT IT WAS THE WHOLE PACKAGE, NOT JUST THE DUPLO LICK. BUT IN 2013, FUCK SHITPANTS NUGENT. HE IS ALL TOUGH, BUT WHEN IT WAS HIS TIME T5O HAVE BULLE4TS WIZ BY HIS HEAD, HE SHIT HIMSELF HERE AT HOME. FUCK HIM AND FUCK HIS DENIALS. EVEN IF IT ISN'T TRUE, IF YOU ARE STUPID ENOUGH TO TELL THAT STORY, NOW YOU OWN IT SHITPANTS. NO GETTING AWAY FROM IT.

I LIKED THIS LEGO BACK IN 68 AND IT STILL ROCKS, BUT IT WAS THE WHOLE PACKAGE, NOT JUST THE DUPLO LICK. BUT IN 2013, FUCK SHITPANTS NUGENT. HE IS ALL TOUGH, BUT WHEN IT WAS HIS TIME T5O HAVE BULLE4TS WIZ BY HIS HEAD, HE SHIT HIMSELF HERE AT HOME. FUCK HIM AND FUCK HIS DENIALS. EVEN IF IT ISN'T TRUE, IF YOU ARE STUPID ENOUGH TO TELL THAT STORY, NOW YOU OWN IT SHITPANTS. NO GETTING AWAY FROM IT.

I LIKED THIS LEGO BACK IN 68 AND IT STILL ROCKS, BUT IT WAS THE WHOLE PACKAGE, NOT JUST THE DUPLO LICK. BUT IN 2013, FUCK SHITPANTS NUGENT. HE IS ALL TOUGH, BUT WHEN IT WAS HIS TIME T5O HAVE BULLE4TS WIZ BY HIS HEAD, HE SHIT HIMSELF HERE AT HOME. FUCK HIM AND FUCK HIS DENIALS. EVEN IF IT ISN'T TRUE, IF YOU ARE STUPID ENOUGH TO TELL THAT STORY, NOW YOU OWN IT SHITPANTS. NO GETTING AWAY FROM IT.

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( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 25 Oct 2013, 0:24, 4 replies)

Yer
I LIKED THIS LEGO BACK IN 68 AND IT STILL ROCKS, BUT IT WAS THE WHOLE PACKAGE, NOT JUST THE DUPLO LICK. BUT IN 2013, FUCK SHITPANTS NUGENT. HE IS ALL TOUGH, BUT WHEN IT WAS HIS TIME T5O HAVE BULLE4TS WIZ BY HIS HEAD, HE SHIT HIMSELF HERE AT HOME. FUCK HIM AND FUCK HIS DENIALS. EVEN IF IT ISN'T TRUE, IF YOU ARE STUPID ENOUGH TO TELL THAT STORY, NOW YOU OWN IT SHITPANTS. NO GETTING AWAY FROM IT.

I LIKED THIS LEGO BACK IN 68 AND IT STILL ROCKS, BUT IT WAS THE WHOLE PACKAGE, NOT JUST THE DUPLO LICK. BUT IN 2013, FUCK SHITPANTS NUGENT. HE IS ALL TOUGH, BUT WHEN IT WAS HIS TIME T5O HAVE BULLE4TS WIZ BY HIS HEAD, HE SHIT HIMSELF HERE AT HOME. FUCK HIM AND FUCK HIS DENIALS. EVEN IF IT ISN'T TRUE, IF YOU ARE STUPID ENOUGH TO TELL THAT STORY, NOW YOU OWN IT SHITPANTS. NO GETTING AWAY FROM IT.

I LIKED THIS LEGO BACK IN 68 AND IT STILL ROCKS, BUT IT WAS THE WHOLE PACKAGE, NOT JUST THE DUPLO LICK. BUT IN 2013, FUCK SHITPANTS NUGENT. HE IS ALL TOUGH, BUT WHEN IT WAS HIS TIME T5O HAVE BULLE4TS WIZ BY HIS HEAD, HE SHIT HIMSELF HERE AT HOME. FUCK HIM AND FUCK HIS DENIALS. EVEN IF IT ISN'T TRUE, IF YOU ARE STUPID ENOUGH TO TELL THAT STORY, NOW YOU OWN IT SHITPANTS. NO GETTING AWAY FROM IT.

I LIKED THIS LEGO BACK IN 68 AND IT STILL ROCKS, BUT IT WAS THE WHOLE PACKAGE, NOT JUST THE DUPLO LICK. BUT IN 2013, FUCK SHITPANTS NUGENT. HE IS ALL TOUGH, BUT WHEN IT WAS HIS TIME T5O HAVE BULLE4TS WIZ BY HIS HEAD, HE SHIT HIMSELF HERE AT HOME. FUCK HIM AND FUCK HIS DENIALS. EVEN IF IT ISN'T TRUE, IF YOU ARE STUPID ENOUGH TO TELL THAT STORY, NOW YOU OWN IT SHITPANTS. NO GETTING AWAY FROM IT.

I LIKED THIS LEGO BACK IN 68 AND IT STILL ROCKS, BUT IT WAS THE WHOLE PACKAGE, NOT JUST THE DUPLO LICK. BUT IN 2013, FUCK SHITPANTS NUGENT. HE IS ALL TOUGH, BUT WHEN IT WAS HIS TIME T5O HAVE BULLE4TS WIZ BY HIS HEAD, HE SHIT HIMSELF HERE AT HOME. FUCK HIM AND FUCK HIS DENIALS. EVEN IF IT ISN'T TRUE, IF YOU ARE STUPID ENOUGH TO TELL THAT STORY, NOW YOU OWN IT SHITPANTS. NO GETTING AWAY FROM IT.

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( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 25 Oct 2013, 0:22, 2 replies)