go sbians

There, this qftw is now 400% better.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 16:53, 8 replies)

This somehow reminds me of something

(McChinaman banned, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 16:27, 4 replies)

This week
is like watching a beloved uncle's eyes suddenly glaze over as he rises from his chair and shuffles off into the freshly-fallen fragments of his mind, drooling, ranting and screaming incoherently into the silence towards an impossibly distant death. He could be walking on Lego and he wouldn't even notice.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 16:03, 2 replies)

..
... Japanese submarine slammed 2 x 4 brick torpedoes into our side, chief. It was comin' back, from the island of Tinian to Laytee, just delivered the Lego. The Hiro-Chima Lego.
Eleven hundred minifigs went into the water. Vessel went down in twelve minutes. Didn't see the first plastic shark for about a half an hour. Grey. Thirteen studder. You know how you know that when you're in the water, chief? You tell by lookin' from the dorsal to the tail.
What we didn't know... Was our Lego mission had been so secret, no instruction booklet had been sent. They didn't even list us in the catalogues for a week.
Very first light, chief. The sharks come cruisin'. So we clicked ourselves into tight groups. You know it's... kinda like ol' 2 x 2 stud squares in battle like a, you see on a calendar, like the battle of Waterloo.
And the idea was, the plastic shark comes to the nearest minifigure and that minifig, he'd start poundin' and hollerin' and screamin' and sometimes the shark would go away. Sometimes he wouldn't go away.
Sometimes that shark, he looks right into you. Right into your eyes. You know the thing about a Lego shark, he's got...lifeless eyes, plastic eyes, like a doll's eyes.
When he comes at ya, doesn't seem to be livin'. Until some kid snaps the mouth down and those plastic eyes roll over white. And then, ah then you hear that terrible high pitch screamin' and the ocean turns yellow and spite of all the poundin' and the hollerin' they all come in and take you all to pieces again.
Y'know by the end of that first dawn, lost a hundred minifigures! I don't know how many sharks, maybe a thousand! I don't know how many minifigs, they averaged six an hour.
On Thursday mornin' chief, I bumped into a friend of mine, Herbie Robinson from Cleveland. Baseball player, boson's mate. Series 3 Minifigure. I thought he was asleep, reached over to wake him up. Bobbed up and down in the water, just like a kinda top. Up ended. Well... Some kid had pulled off his legs.
Noon the fifth day, Mr. Hooper, a Lockheed Ventura saw us, he swung in low and he saw us. He's a young pilot, a lot younger than Mr. Hooper, anyway he saw us and come in low. And three hours later a big fat Vacuum cleaner comes down and start to pick us up, brick by brick.
You know that was the time I was most frightened? Waitin' for my turn.
I'll never put on a lifejacket again.
So, eleven hundred minifugres went in the water, three hundred and sixteen minifigs come out, the Vacuum cleaner took the rest, June the 29, 1985.
Anyway, we delivered the Lego.
( The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 15:17, 3 replies)

If we do this right then soon innocent kids and nerds will Google for Lego tips and come across all this wank
and qftw will once again have made the internet a little bit shitter.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 13:58, 6 replies)

Yellow Head, give me grace to accept with snapability
the things that cannot be pulled apart,
Courage to break my teeth on the things
which should be easy to pull apart,
and the Technics to design
the one new pack from the other.

Living one piece at a time,
Enjoying one green 128x128 at a time,
Accepting no long pieces as a pathway to building cars,
Taking, as Minifig did,
This rectangular world as it is,
Not as Duplo would have it,
Trusting that Bionicles will make all things right,
If I surrender to Yellow Heads will,
So that I may never have to buy "Friends" Lego in this life,
And supremely happy with Star Wars Lego forever in the next.

"Where the fuck did this come from".
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 12:23, 3 replies)

Lego is just an abstract concept.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 12:02, 5 replies)

The Gofpel according to S.Iohn
In the beginning was the Lego, & the Lego was with God, and the Lego was God.

2 The same was in the beginning with God.

3 All things were made by him from Lego, and without him was not any thing made that was made out of Lego.

4 In him was life, and the life was the light of minifigs.

5 And the light shineth in darknesse, and the darknesse comprehended Lego not.

6 There was a minifig sent from God, whose name was Iohn.

7 The same came for a witnesse, to beare witnesse of the Lego, that all men through him might beleeue in Lego.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:40, Reply)

Lego was for rank amateurs.
I got a huge set of Construx for Christmas in about 1984. That was the dog's proberbials, that was. Earned far more peace for my parents than telly ever could have done. There's a set going on eBay for a tenner so I'm going to have to forget about that the next time I have a few beers.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:29, Reply)

I had a mate when I was younger named Rob.
It was quite confusing for our parents (and us) at times as whenever anyone called for "Rob!" - two little voices would pipe up in unison.

We would often have sleepovers at each others parent's abode.
With sleepovers comes tidying up the following morning (as any polite and respectful kid will tell you).

So it came to pass one fateful morning. We had spent the night building lego forts in Rob's room, ready to wage fullscale lego war at a moments notice.
Rob's parents were busy in the adjoining room and elsewhere in the house doing some electrical rewiring. At least a few times that morning his mum or dad had strolled through his room narrowly avoiding us and our lego forts that we were *ahem* "packing up and putting away" as we played with them.
The cries went from a polite "Rob, you need to tidy your toys away - get you friend to help." to "ROB! LEGO! NOW!"

At one point Rob's dad poked his head around the corner and asked Rob to hold onto a wire (not live - of course!) whilst he pulled it thru the wall cavity to a a point in the adjoining room. Around the same time his mum found our still functioning, plastic, feudal war game still in progress. With her bare foot.

And the cry went out - "Rob Leggo!" Which Rob promptly did. The resulting kerfuffle as his dad fell back having been vigorously pulling the electrical cable AND the sound of his mum shouting as her instep found the edge of a rectangular brick drove us both into action.

The resulting Marco-Polo type game in the backyard as they tried to find us was actually quite good fun.
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 9:17, 4 replies)

You know, "Lego" would have worked quite well as an image challenge

QOTW, not so much.

So why not start putting pictures in your answers, folks?
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 9:11, 4 replies)

I have a Lego.
I have a lego that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed : "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal."

I have a lego that one day on the red bricks of Georgia the sons of former minifigs and the sons of former minifig owners will be able to sit down together at the table of legohood.

I have a lego that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of bricks and more bricks.

I have a lego that my four little lego children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their lego but by the content of their lego boxes.

I have a lego today.

I have a lego that one day down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the lego of interposition and nullification -- one day right there in Alabama little lego boys and lego girls will be able to join hands with big duplo boys and duplo girls as sisters and brothers.

I have a lego today.

I have a lego that one day every valley shall be exalted, and every hill and mountain shall be made low, the bumpy places will be made smooth, and the crooked pieces will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all lego shall see it together.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 8:14, 12 replies)

Early one morning the sun was shining, I was laid in bed
Wondering if she'd changed at all if her hair was still Lego.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 8:04, 4 replies)

I had a rather interesting experience once.
I met a woman through a dating site, we had dinner and things went reasonably well, so we had gotten together a couple more times. Then it was time for dinner at her place, as tends to happen, with the sitting on a couch after and getting flirty. Pretty standard stuff.

So I sat next to her and got close enough to touch her hand, and leaned in for a kiss. Very nice, very enthusiastic. She moved my hand to her thigh as she kissed me, and I ran it over her leg. As I did so she gave a shudder and a moan and kissed me harder. I stroked both of her thighs, and she held me tight against her, gasping and thrashing in the most intense orgasms I've ever witnessed. Eventually we got rid of the soaked skirt and panties and got on with it properly, but every time I grasped or stroked her thighs she had another one. Apparently it was a major erogenous zone for her and very sensitive.

That was my first experience with leg-O.
( Wanderer, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 7:42, 2 replies)

Alas, poor Lego. I knew him, Horatio.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 7:27, Reply)

Weirdest shaped cock I've ever seen.
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Mon 28 Oct 2013, 23:54, 2 replies)

This blind man, an old friend of my wife's, he was on his way to spend the night.
His wife had died. So he was visiting the dead wife's relatives in Kidderminster. He called my wife from his in-laws'. Arrangements were made. He would come by train, a five-hour trip, and my wife would meet him at the station. She hadn't seen him since she worked for him one summer in Tooting Bec ten years ago. But she and the blind man had kept in touch. They made lego and mailed them back and forth. I wasn't enthusiastic about his visit. He was no one I knew. And his being blind bothered me. My idea of blindness came from the movies. In the movies, the blind moved slowly and never laughed. Sometimes they were led by seeing-eye dogs. A blind man in my house was not something I looked forward to.

That summer in Basildon she had needed a job. She didn't have any money. The man she was going to marry at the end of the summer was in officers' training school. He didn't have any money, either. But she was in love with the guy, and he was in love with her, etc. She'd seen something in the paper: HELP WANTED--Reading to Blind Man, and a telephone number. She phoned and went over, was hired on the spot. She'd worked with this blind man all summer. She read stuff to him, case studies, reports, that sort of thing. She helped him organise his little office in the county social-service department. They'd become good friends, my wife and the blind man. How do I know these things? She told me. And she told me something else. On her last day in the office, the blind man asked if he could touch her face. She agreed to this. She told me he touched his fingers to every part of her face, her nose--even her neck! She never forgot it. She even tried to build lego about it. She was always trying to build lego. She built lego or two every year, usually after something really important had happened to her.

When we first started going out together, she showed me her lego. In the lego, she recalled his fingers and the way they had moved around over her face. In the lego, she talked about what she had felt at the time, about what went through her mind when the blind man touched her nose and lips. I can remember I didn't think much of the lego. Of course, I didn't tell her that. Maybe I just don't understand lego. I admit it's not the first thing I reach for when I pick up something to play with.

Anyway, this man who'd first enjoyed her favors, the officer-to-be, he'd been her childhood sweetheart. So okay. I'm saying that at the end of the summer she let the blind man run his hands over her face, said goodbye to him, married her childhood etc., who was now a commissioned officer, and she moved away from Grimsby. But they'd kept in touch, she and the blind man. She made the first contact after a year or so. She called him up one night from an Air Force base in Cheshire. She wanted to talk. They talked. He asked her to send him lego and tell him about her life. She did this. She sent the lego. On the lego, she told the blind man about her husband and about their life together in the military. She told the blind man she loved her husband but she didn't like it where they lived and she didn't like it that he was a part of the military-industrial thing. She told the blind man she'd built lego and he was in it. She told him that she was building lego about what it was like to be an Air Force officer's wife. The lego wasn't finished yet. She was still writing it. The blind man made lego. He sent her the lego. She made lego. This went on for years. My wife's officer was posted to one base and then another. She sent lego from Moody AFB, McGuire, McConnell, and finally Travis, near Northampton, where one night she got to feeling lonely and cut off from people she kept losing in that moving-around life. She got to feeling she couldn't go it another step. She went in and swallowed all the lego in the play chest and washed them down with a bottle of gin. Then she got into a hot bath and passed out.

But instead of dying, she got sick. She threw up. Her officer--why should he have a name? he was the childhood sweetheart, and what more does he want?--came home from somewhere, found her, and called the ambulance. In time, she put it all in lego and sent the lego to the blind man. Over the years, she put all kinds of stuff in lego and sent the lego off lickety-split. Next to building lego every year, I think it was her chief means of recreation. On one lego, she told the blind man she'd decided to live away from her officer for a time. On another lego, she told him about her divorce. She and I began going out, and of course she told her blind man about it. She told him everything, or so it seemed to me. Once she asked me if I'd like to see the latest lego from the blind man. This was a year ago. I was on the lego, she said. So I said okay, I'd listen to it. I got us drinks and we settled down in the living room. We made ready to listen. First she inserted the lego into the player and adjusted a couple of dials. Then she pushed a lever. The lego squeaked and someone began to talk in this loud voice. She lowered the volume. After a few minutes of harmless chitchat, I heard my own name in the mouth of this stranger, this blind man I didn't even know! And then this: "From all you've said about him, I can only conclude--" But we were interrupted, a knock at the door, something, and we didn't ever get back to the lego. Maybe it was just as well. I'd heard all I wanted to.
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Mon 28 Oct 2013, 19:25, 14 replies)

I once stood on a Lego whilst bending over in the prison shower and peed myself in the mouth.
fortunately I did not have an erection
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Mon 28 Oct 2013, 17:18, Reply)

Lego is french for "The aller".

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Mon 28 Oct 2013, 16:48, 4 replies)

long story short I shit bricks

( rofl harris, Mon 28 Oct 2013, 14:36, Reply)

Have you ever wondered how many Lego bricks, stacked on top of one another, it would take before the bottom brick couldn't take the weight of those above it?
Enough to build a tower 2.2 miles high, apparently.
www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-20578627
(Paolo Nutini's Bikini Better than Frederick Fleet's optometrist, Mon 28 Oct 2013, 11:32, 4 replies)

I used to keep my Lego in a Tupperware sewing box,
which was pretty handy as it had a removable tray on top, which I used to store studs, pegs, and other small items.
We've just spent Sunday restoring some semblance of order to the kids' playroom, and their Lego (and mine) now resides in 4 large crates. Anyone care to recommend a functional storage solution that will allow ready access to small, hard to locate items?

Top tip for anyone considering buying one of those storage boxes that look like giant Lego bricks: they're unsuitable for storing Lego.

Given that Lego is only for children and cunts, I must belong in the "cunts" section of b3ta. So be it.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 28 Oct 2013, 10:32, 22 replies)