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This is a question Letters they'll never read

"Apologies, anger, declarations of love, things you want to say to people, but can't or didn't get the chance to." Suggestion via reducedfatLOLcat.

(, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 13:56)
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Parties! Pooping! Panic! Christmas!
Dear Colleagues,

You remember the Christmas party? The one at the poshest place in the whole of the city? The one that we have to be on our best behaviour at as you don't want to be embarrassed?

Well, I have a confession to make.

Do you remember I couldn't find any toilets other then the disabled one? Do you remember I looked a little flustered and vanished for a while? Do you remember the horror that was the disabled toilet at about 4pm?

It was me. Sorry guys.

I am the man that, after drinking his own bodyweight in sambuca, felt his stomach begin to cramp. I am the man that stood there, panicking, as I waited for the toilet to become available, as the first indications of what was to happen became apparent to me. As I shook hands with the guy leaving the toilet I was, in fact, shitting myself.

None of you realised this, but I am sorry to say the flow of semi solid sewage was irreversible. I finished what I had begun, in the toilet, but there was significant damage. My trollies were destroyed and it's only by the grace of God that there had been no seepage into my trousers.

My dear colleagues, imagine my panic when i tidied up, but saw that there was shit plastered up the cistern. Imagine my shame now, as I write this, when I admit that I didn't tidy it up and for good measure dumped (!) my shitted undercrackers into the sanitary bin.

Yours sincerely,

DP
(, Thu 11 Mar 2010, 9:28, closed)
Haha
Click for shaking the guy's hand even though your sphincter had just given up.
(, Thu 11 Mar 2010, 9:31, closed)
Were you actually shaking his hand?
Or pulling him the fuck outta the way?

Ta for the office lol though :)

*click*
(, Thu 11 Mar 2010, 11:29, closed)

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