I believed it all
I did
(DayvidBerdo, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 14:49, Reply)

Can we please have
a question of the week that doesn't just encourage people to lie?

I've seen more porkies among this bunch than at your average pig farm.

You know who you all are - you're fooling nobody except yourselves.
(Ian Maiden, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 14:45, Reply)

My neighbour
Talks to her dog. Nothing strange about that. But she answers as though the dog has replied. Now that is odd.
( Pew Pew Pew! Lasers! wannabe Gong Farmer, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 14:39, Reply)

It was only a small village
when I grew up (2500 people), however 2 stick to my mind.
The bearded-woman who kept on losing her panty-hose and knickers just after receiving communion at church. Every sunday without fail, it was a joy to see the priest's reluctant face whenever she was near.
My pervy neighbour, he must be in his 70's now, who always shops next to girls wearing skirts and always picks up something from the bottom shelf.
(albator, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 14:39, Reply)

Rudi, who can forget Rudi
of Harrogate town, top bloke when he was on his medication, but when he came off...
singing bad bob marley covers, staring at the sun, god of power enscribed jacket and has actually been on the telly, speaking to Jonathan morris (poncey Adrian off of Bread, not the aging dr doolittle bloke)on some BBC treasure hunt program from the mid 90's

Apparently legally changed his name to Jesus Christ.

Haven't seen him in ages as i've been studenting for the past 7 years, anyone any idea what he's doing now?
(northern seth back is giving him jip again, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 14:37, Reply)

Re Re Purple Acky
I remember the tale of Purple Ackey, he was the reason we had to do cross country around the school fields rather than over farmer's fields nearby.

he was jailed when he'd keep going to after-school games, just watching the kids.

There's a bloke in Wigan, must be about 70 or so, walks round just wearing a Boy Scouts outfit, doesn't swear or anything, so isn't that good as such.
(Motti, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 14:37, Reply)

In Basildon
a few years back, there was a supermarket. The management of said supermarket were forced to call the police out at 2am one night, as an elderly female nutter was banging on the plate-glass windows demanding that she be able to buy dog food that instant. She had no dog.
(underachiever, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 14:36, Reply)

Theres an old dear...
who hangs around between Walmley and Minworth in Sutton Coldfield aged about 65, usually found talking to the cars that zoom past but will occasionally shout down the storm drains in case some poor child with a 2 inch profile has slipped between the bars. havent seen her for a good six months now but the last time I did was when the crafty loon had snuck behind the Asda and pilfered the large cardboard boxes used for transporting boxes of cornflakes and decided to set up shop up the road, trying to sell them to the passing motorists out of an old rusty wheelbarrow.

Other fruitcakes in and around brum include the king of nutters, the one and only 'Mad Malik' winner of the coveted title 'Best Brummie' in the 'Birmingham, its not shit' awards, he dances all day to his little tape player, which incidently has no tape/batteries etc and swears at passers by. (sorry-no link, he did have a website dedicated to him but social services made them take it down).

To Mistafeesh :- does the guy in the rug live by the Edwardian Hotel that has an annual tranny weekend because my uncle owns a b&b in newquay down the road from a godbotherer like that.

3rd post ever, time to lurk again.
(captain buggernuts, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 14:35, Reply)

Theres always the 'laughing packie' in Southampton
Thats his official nickname, I'm no racist.
This fine Indian gentleman has a built up shoe and can often be seen hobbling along accusing random people of being 'looney'. He once informed me, in KFC, that he'd had 'a good shit in the toilets'.
(darfbozo, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 14:34, Reply)

my best friend Melanie
Experienced this but it may be coroborated by people who catch the Central line from East London into town. Melanie was just trying to prise her way through the throngs of commuters and a semi sleep state one morning when she realised she needed to make a call on her mobile. The very well dressed woman sitting opposite leaned towards her and said with more venom than honest Mel (as she is known, widely held to be one The nicest people on the Earth) had ever heard 'I FUCKING HATE YOU! she moved down the carriage thinking the woman knew her and thought she had killed her children or something and waited a frightening 3 stops before she got off, a bit shaken. Approximately 3 or so weeks later she saw same said 'lady' and made sure she sat down the carriage away from her when she saw an unsuspecting commuter take out his phone and the exact same scenario happened. I mean mobile phone lovers are wankers but really!
( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 14:30, Reply)

The bike nutter
And another one! I think with Brighton it's a case of take your pick really....

This guy's really great. He spends all day pushing his bike around, but it's his bike that's the star - covered in fake leopard-skin fun fur, badges, mirrors, newspaper clippings, cuddly fluffy toys, and framed pictures of animals, and it even has it's own sound system. He's got two speakers rigged up, and just wanders around all day, playing the most fucked up music you've ever heard

His last choice when I saw him the other month must have been titled "The National Pan Pipe Orchestra plays The Beatles". Genius.
(fried gold, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 14:21, Reply)

Southfields, South London
Do not know the chaps name but he is big, hairy, big grey beard and usually wears a union jack bandanna wrapped round his head.

Usually striding round bare chested and wearing nothing but shorts and sandals.

Tends to scream at people walking by- something like "MORNING!" closely followed by "I SAID FUCKING MORNING!" followed by snarls.

He stopped me on the way to the tube to ask if I was listening to vivaldi- I wasn't.

He promptly pissed himself (no really, urine everywhere.)

And then tried to shake my hand.
( Razor What the fuck - a sig?, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 14:20, Reply)

Bath types
Bath is full of nutters. Most of the West Country is, in fact.

One example. I lived in a house with no back garden, and as it was a very old Georgian one, a strange kind of brick landing over the cellar lead to the front door. One gorgeous day, I decided to sunbathe, so had my body on the landing in the sun, but my head on a pillow on the doorstop just in the shade.

And old lady goes past. Stops. Turns towards me. Then points. Then slowly shouts:

"IIIIIIIII SEEEEEE YOOOOOOOOUUUU"

Then reverses the above process just as slowly and walks off again. I burst into hysterics, and it became a much-bandied phrase in my house. Crazy lady.

I bet there are more from Bath, because if I had time, I'd list THOUSANDS.
(niceandwarmandhot vive la résistance, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 14:20, Reply)

Best of Luck.
Funny you mentioned that bloke in Camden because I encountered him in that Sainsbuies as well about five years ago when I lived there. You can imagine my horror last Christmas when I was walking home along East Finchley high street (where I now live) when I heared that same 'THE BEST OF LUCK!' behind me! Believe me this guy yells it at anybody and everybody he passes.

In horror my walk turned itself into a hasty trott.
( Jahled Three shades of black, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 14:18, Reply)

I once taunted a giant Gerry Adams lookalike bible bashing wierdy nutter
to the point that he punched me in the face and then chased me around Richmond accusing me of having stolen his bag. I think it was me saying to him "I shagged my father" that really riled him up.

Eventually he found me in a pub, dragged me across the floor by the hair, and then called the police in an effort to get "his" bag (i.e. my bag) back.

The cops drove him off. I wouldn't say it was a life-changing experience, but it was quite funny at the time.
( dr_fonz, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 14:15, Reply)

Willy Paul
Is the name of our villiage idiot.

Hes always seen about Magherafelt, Co. Derry in his long dark overcoat, trousers and policeman's hat, and until recently with his dog with a profanity for a name. He never visits the town without his trusty 3L bottle of Co-op brand "strong white cider"

When he's particularly drunk he starts pretending to be a policeman (he even has a pretend CB radio), directing traffic and annoying anyone who is stupid enough to talk back to him. He also enjoys dropping his trousers on the odd occasion.

He's usually arrested by our kind police force (yeah right) around christmas so that he gets a christmas dinner.

If there is a reason to come to Magherafelt, he is it.
(moomin-papa ; folkin class., Fri 17 Sep 2004, 14:14, Reply)

Karaoke Karen and f(r)iend
I too remember Karaoke Karen. She used to frequent Network in Wellingboro' on a student night and dance on a podium in a floral dress.

My favourite nutter of all time, Darren Fowler, went to my school. There was always rumours about him doing weird stuff, but his nuttyness came to the foreground when he was expelled from school. He decided to take his revenge on the teachers who chucked him out in the only way he knew how - by shooting them. He actually came to school with a shotgun and a bag full of cartridges and randomly took pot shots at teachers. He managed to hit one poor twat in the head.
I was fishing with a mate a few months prior to the shootings, when Darren walked over. He asked if we wanted to join him over the otherside of the river. He didn't seem that tapped, apart from he was calmly cutting lumps out of his thumb with a pen knife.
(higham aggro, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 14:11, Reply)

Shouty bus nutter
See the title of this post. Anyone who lives in Brighton will know this guy. He spends the whole day wandering up and down the main road where all the shops are, giving thumbs up to every bus and bus driver, and clapping and shouting.

A quality harmless nutter. Very good.
(fried gold, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 14:08, Reply)

Underpants
When I lived in Bristol, there was fantatsic local nutter that we simply knew as 'underpants man'

It didn't matter if it was summer or winter, he'd wear the same thing: black wellies and tiny leather underpants. And that's it. He scared me :(
(fried gold, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 14:06, Reply)

Before my time, obviously
But here we had a local legend known as Camberley Kate, mentioned here on a shitty local history site. Also, have a lovely photo to illustrate. Apparently the smell was delightful.

Edit: Oh yes, and I was followed round Farnborough the other week by an elderley gent telling rude and suggestive nun jokes. Thinking about it, that may have been a police matter.
( useful_idiot, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 14:04, Reply)

One night on the Docklands Light Railway
A packed train on a Friday. Everything was normal on the trip to the Isle of Dogs. Suddenly one bloke I'd noticed, who was finely dressed launched into 'a nightingale sang in Berkley Square'. Obviously a trained singer but he kept everyone entertained with similar songs. Just before he got off at the London Arena he said 'Remember everyone, Friday night is music night' and with gusto started singing land of hope and glory!
(13 Floors Up, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 14:00, Reply)

My favourite ever is
an old woman who used to live in a house right on the waterfront in Padstow, North Cornwall (quite) a few years back. According to the locals, she was known as 'The Hermit'.

Once a day (usually around lunchtime) during the busy tourist season, she would emerge at her window, scream obscenities, and then throw a bucket of piss over the thick throng of passers by.

We used to sit outside a nearby pub and wait for her to emerge, just to see the ensuing chaos.
(8-Ball, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 13:59, Reply)

Worthing Clown
When I lived in Worthing there was a guy that used to stand on the same roundabout every day with his bicycle dressed as a clown directing traffic. If you waved or spoke to him he would just shout a torrent of abuse at you.

There was also some crazy lady that used to always walk in the middle of the road pushing a bike. She always wore carrier bags on her hands and feet, and would never get out of the fucking way when you were driving.

Then again, I'm sure staying in Worthing too long would turn anyone round the twist.
(Nacho, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 13:53, Reply)

Another one...
Before moving down to Gorton in Manchester, I lived in an equally upmarket place called Thorney Close in Sunderland. There was a bloke who lived in the area, was always well dressed; suit, raincoat and hat never saw him wearing anything else. As he strode down the street he would say hello in a polite but loud way, which was never a problem. If he came across a piece of litter on the pavement, he would pick it up and either throw it into the road or put it in his pocket, presumably to get rid of later. Slightly eccentric you might think but nothing serious.

One morning after staggering home from a mates house after imbibing far more that the Government's recommended daily alcohol allowance, I turned the corner into my street to see the same guy as mentioned before infront of the local shops sweeping the pavement outside. There were several things slightly wrong about this, namely it was somewhere after 4 in the morning, he was still well dressed in his suit, raincoat and hat and he didn't actually live anywhere near those shops.

Eccentric or barking? Never did quite figure that out.
(Freakish, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 13:53, Reply)

A10 guy...
He did sometimes get dressed up in the full works - special occasions perhaps. He was an exceptionally friendly nutter, was sorry to hear he died. I thought there'd be something about him on the net, but I can't find a thing
(yiddo, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 13:48, Reply)

Not quite on the topic but...
My friend said that when she became old and senile she would love to become a local nutter. She has already designed what her character will be:

She wants to be an old lady who pushes a pram filled with porcelien dolls, and goes around with a pair of secateurs stealing peoples' roses at night.


My friend is weird.
(quis, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 13:47, Reply)

Speaking of Morrisons
does anyone remember Klingon the Basket Collector in the Merrion Centre store in Leeds?

Oh, how we laughed....
(davidblunkettsdogblankets, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 13:45, Reply)

Morrison's, home of the nutter
I spent my Uni years in west Yorks finest (Bradford Uni). The Morrison's supermarket in the City seemed to be the centre of the universe for nutters. My favourite was the guy who followed my vegan housemate round with a frozen chicken repeating: "Nice chicken, nice bit of chicken this, nice chicken". I too remeber the Guy in a bow tie on the A10. I seem to remember him in a top hat, tails and with a cane as well..?
(Chicken Amygdala, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 13:42, Reply)

Hamilton - New Zealand
In a reasonably small city of about 125,000 inhabitants we still seem to get our fair share of weirdos here.

These are 3 of which I know about in my suburb:

1) PINK COAT MAN - incredibly tall, clean shaven, about 45. Lives in a hostal and walks all over Hamilton in a bright pink trench coat. He's totally nuts, I've been warned to "stay away" many times.

2) THE CHIHUAHUA SISTERS - Two hugely fat women who push identical prams around all morning with their idenitcal pet chihuahuas yapping from inside. Totally nuts.

3) SOFT DRINK MAN - I work at Subway part time (shut up, im a student ok!) and there is this Indian guy who comes in and orders a soft drink every time, then he gets us to heat up his soft drink in the microwave until its boiling. Weirdo.
(quis, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 13:41, Reply)

The Enfield Ranger
In & around Enfield (North London) used to walk a man dressed in full cowboy gear - hat, boots, spurs, the lot. We used to shout 'yee-haaaa' at him, and he'd shout the same back. He once acquired a small cart, which he loaded with chopped wood and dragged around the streets. His social worker sometimes helped him.


(By the way, anyone from North London area remember the man in the bow tie who waved at traffic on the corner of the A10/Church Street? Not very funny, but he was a legend).


soz 4 lengthage.
(yiddo, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 13:38, Reply)