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This is a question Lurid Work Stories

"I know a railwayman of 40-odd years' service," says Juan Quar, "and he tells me a new gruesome yarn each time we meet. Last week's was of checking the time on the wristwatch of a severed arm he'd just collected after a track fatality."

Tell us the horrible stories you tease the new hires with, or that you've been told.
NB By definition, these are probably all made up. Roll with it

(, Thu 5 Sep 2013, 17:33)
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When my dad was a young copper
He was based in a fairly rural police station. On one of his first mornings there he took a call from a local man whose elderly mother had died in the night, and could he come over and help out?
No problem, my dad said. I’ll be there in an hour.
He found the farm house and knocked on the door. A grieving lady answered, eyes red with sadness. “Oh officer, thank you for coming. I’ll make you a cup of tea. Everyone’s just through there.”

My dad stepped into a room full of mourning family members. He removed his hat and said sorry for your loss and all that, taking an empty seat on the sofa. He started making gentle enquiries of the family – was it expected, are you all ok, that kind of thing. They were being a bit cagey and awkward, and my dad was beginning to get a little confused at how the situation wasn’t progressing. Finally he just came out and said, “So, could you let me know where the body is?”

Everyone blinked nervously at each other. “But officer,” said a young woman, pointing. “She’s right there.”

The ‘devastated relative’ my dad had squeezed in next to on the sofa was actually the stiffening corpse of grandma.
(, Fri 6 Sep 2013, 10:13, closed)
That's like something out of National Lampoon's Vacation
Duly clicked
(, Fri 6 Sep 2013, 12:51, closed)

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