{LOOK OUT FOR THE LENGTH} My mum is great...
...more than that, she deserves a mantelpiece-full of medals. She isn't the subject of one of those awful child-abuse-catharsis books that the OK magazine crowd seems to find so fascinating, but all the same life has fucked her about a lot more than it should have. Examples:

* Getting pregnant after her first time at 15 (with my Dad, whom she later married) and this being a small town in the 60's, getting thrown out of school despite being a very promising student and becoming a pariah to all the stuck-up 'christian' cunts in the neighbourhood thereafter. She told me once of a time when she was heavily pregnant, on her way home with some shopping. It was winter and the snow was deep. She fell and couldn't get up again. She asked one of these cunts for help and was snootily told that she was getting what she deserved. One of a handful of reasons I wish that time travel was possible - fuck fiddling the lottery - that street on that day is the first trip I'd make.
* Resulting first-born being born with cerebal palsy, possibly due to a botched chemical abortion attempt forced upon her by my great-grandmother. My eldest brother, Paul. She tried her best to take care of him, but had no choice than to put him in permanent specialised care when he was about 3. She saw him often though, of course. Sadly, his condition affected his health often and died over a decade ago at age 32.
* Had to leave my Dad when I was around 3 and my older brother, Jason, was around 5 after he held a knife to her throat during a row. My dad had a temper in his youth, and wasn't too bright either. Thankfully he mellowed with age, but long after all hope of reconciliation was gone. Dad's been gone for about 4 years now. Cancer.
* Spent the best part of 20 years penniless and on the dole so she could take care of me and Jason after we migrated to her when our new stepmother's out-and-out shitbaggery became too much for us.
* Endured Jason's 15-year hard-drug habit, the development of my latent homosexuality and her sister's raging alcoholism which developed after my grandmother's death.
* Endured 4 weeks of watching over Jason in the ICU after he suffered heart failure and subsequent brain damage two xmasses ago. He'd been off the hard stuff for 5 years at this point. He wanted to be a drugs counsellor. She was with him when he died - whilst I'd been with them the entire time, I knew that that was going to be the day and I wasn't strong enough to watch my last remaining sibling become a corpse. He was 38.

Now, if all this and more still that I haven't mentioned had moulded my mum into a grade-A twat in her now-later years, I wouldn't have blamed her. Not one bit. But she remains the kindest soul that I have ever encountered, with achievements under her belt that even an overachieving geek like me is jealous of. More examples:

* Became a black belt (3rd Dan, no less) in Shotokan along with my stepfather and taught self-defence to local urchins and adults alike pretty much throughout my life. Even trained with them myself for awhile. Despite the considerable handiness that resulted from this, I've never seen her use her learned abilities once outside of the dojo. Ditto for my stepdad, and he's fucking good at it (5th Dan), despite the fact that the club was shut down late last year. Their boxroom is mostly competition trophies these days.
* A seemingly limitless store of compassion, enabling her to see good in even the lowliest pond-life scum that have crossed our path over the years, always willing to help in any way that she can despite their crimes against others and even ourselves.
* Never once turned her back on me, my brother or her sister despite our individual issues bringing her more grief than any normal person could handle without going tonto. Again, always willing to help. She told me only a couple of weeks ago that she essentially paid for my brother's habit throughout so that he didn't have to rely on crime or worse, his mates to do so. I realise that this kept him out of jail for pretty much the entire time he was in the habit, until he did something very stupid and jailtime was inevitable. He used the confinement to go cold-turkey and kick it for good. I have a picture from the pub the day he got out of jail of the three of us - I wish I could see her smile like that more often, almost as much as I wish I could see Jason again.
* Sent a known psycho on his way peacefully for the first and last time when one of my brother's mates stole his weed and scarpered, leaving my brother to take the blame (full story of said psycho can be found in my best-of).
* Went to evening college to do an art course (mum and her sister both have breathtaking talent in this area) as me and Jason started getting grown-up, and about ten tears later bagged a very respectable grade in a BEd. She's now teaching in a private high school with an exemplary record - not even OFSTED can find anything wrong with the way she takes care of business. She's approaching retirement now - I'm looking forward to her finally being able to have a rest more than she is, I think.

Again, there's lots of stuff I haven't mentioned because this is more than long enough. I know that I have a biased view because she's my mother, but there's no-one I know in this life that makes me prouder to know than her. As I stated at the beginning she's taken more shit than anyone should in ordinary life and her character, intellect, sense of humour and pure heart have survived through it all. Extraordinary.

The day I helped carry Jason into the crematorium I vowed that from that day until her last, whatever she needs from me she gets, without question or argument. These days, Mummy's Boy is a badge I wear with pride. Also from that day I had a new #1 thing to do before I die – outlast my mum. I'm not sure how well I'll handle living as the last of the family I was born to, but she’s followed two of her three children into the crematorium now, and sure as fuck she’s not going to have to do that again.

A fucking MANTELPEICE-FULL - do you hear?
(thatblokeoverthere not quite as much an arsehole as I thought, Tue 16 Feb 2010, 13:13, 10 replies)

Would you like to swap mums?
Mine's a bit shit and yours sounds absolutely fucking GREAT!!!

Top post, mate. Top post.
( SpankyHanky, Tue 16 Feb 2010, 13:21, closed)

Heheheh no chance m8...
...I'd be a different man today if it weren't for her, and I doubt the change would be for the better :)
(thatblokeoverthere not quite as much an arsehole as I thought, Tue 16 Feb 2010, 14:19, closed)

Blimey! Good work that woman.
*clicky*
( Fathter Puddytat Kill Kill dat widdle boid is mine on, Tue 16 Feb 2010, 13:22, closed)

Can your mum
adopt me?
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Tue 16 Feb 2010, 14:35, closed)

I'm sure she would...
...if I asked her. My other half these days has a somewhat patchy relationship with his own mater and mine's already offered to be his mum too :)
(thatblokeoverthere not quite as much an arsehole as I thought, Tue 16 Feb 2010, 14:41, closed)

Now THAT
ìs a damn good parent, if my daughter grows up to think Im half that good Ill be over the moon.
(Obi wanker nobi Its not a bug, its an unexpected feature, Tue 16 Feb 2010, 16:47, closed)

such a moving story
thanks for sharing
(danceswithferrets is leaking sanity, Tue 16 Feb 2010, 19:06, closed)

Usual rules...
..if this doesn't win, i will visit everyone who didn't vote and CUNT THEM IN THE FUCK!

Twice.
(all my scars face forward possesses 2.5% of a hyperalloy combat chassis, Tue 16 Feb 2010, 22:23, closed)

WOW
If I am ever 1/2 as good as your mom is, My kids will be all right
(Subway Riding the rails underground, Wed 17 Feb 2010, 1:47, closed)

Good
for her.
Click
(Le Grenouille, Wed 17 Feb 2010, 15:15, closed)

if your mum doesn't have a mantle
I'll build one for her.

clicks for a lovely woman
( venezuelan beaver cheese is mortally afraid of spoons, Thu 18 Feb 2010, 3:28, closed)

I may show her this on her next visit...
...not really to see what I've written but what all of you have. I wouldn't say she takes my own admiration for granted, she just thinks I'm biased lol. She'd be chuffed to see how many people agree with me though :)

EDIT - It's found its way into my best-of too - bonus.
(thatblokeoverthere not quite as much an arsehole as I thought, Thu 18 Feb 2010, 9:12, closed)