Honestly, it's not my fault
I live on a croak estate. Most of the people are over 60, so my wife and me are seen a bit as the youngsters in the street.

My neighbours, being at home all day with nothing to do, often fabricate reasons to complain or at best comment on. Albert (the knob) has already been mentioned. When I got fed up with his "leaves from your tree are falling in my garden"-type moans I put this nice apex piece on the side of my brick shed facing his garden;

4.bp.blogspot.com/_T27jvCPoJf4/SkN76kUgoTI/AAAAAAAAb1E/P8i7Gz0FHL0/s1600-h/SHED_P1010682_crop.JPG

It's massive, and he still hasn't noticed after nearly a year.

My real nemesis though is the old fart from 2 doors down. He and his wife have always been quite abusive (the neighbour between us left ecause of them).

For some reason they started to accuse me of having stolen their cat, just because they can't always find it. I usually laugh at them, but the last time I was out washing the car and he came up to me with a 10 minute tirade of abuse and shouting. I laughed a fair bit at first, especially at the "I'll fucking do you" coming from a fat 71 year-old to a fairly fit 44 year old with 38 years of karate training.

Eventually I told him to piss off, then went inside and rang the police to report him. Result! 2 hobby-bobbies turned up, and took my statement. They even asked if he had mental illness problems (how impartial is that?).

They went to see him the next day, them came back to me some time later. He's been given an ASBO essentially, and told to keep away.

He's still a nemesis, but now I can go past his house with a wry grin, meowing, and watch him stomp off indoors like a loon.

I was thinking of putting up one of the "Cat found - tasted like chicken" posters. Any other ideas??
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 13:28, 8 replies)

Sounds like where my brother lives.
His elderly neighbour that lives on the opposite side of the road goes mental everytime someone visiting my brother parks outside my brothers house. No reason to it, just that they might dare to encroach on to his percieved property.
( Evil Bastardo, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 11:42, closed)

It's like that all down my road
I think they've nothing better to do than twitch the curtains, moaning about life outside their twee piss-smelling houses.

Life's short enough, but when you're in your 80's you think they'd have realized by now.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 14:01, closed)

I'm surrounded by old people as well
some are ok, but others give me evil looks for daring to be younger than them. One had the gall to tell me I was too young to own a house..."I'm 33!" didn't seem to change her mind.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 15:04, closed)

38 years of karate training???!!!!
Do you drive a Honda Accord??
(jonnyninetails, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 15:38, closed)

Alas, no

(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Mon 3 May 2010, 12:44, closed)

*giggle*
Clicked for the Apex piece :)
( Mike Fishcake teamfishcake.co.uk - better than your mum's face, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 16:31, closed)

get
yourself a pair of gloves in the cats fur colour and walk past using them to eat a kebab ;)
(bottle_cap, Sat 1 May 2010, 19:59, closed)

This is the inevitable
result of 500 years of Viking invasions. Makes people a little paranoid, and a little knutish.
( Sextant goes to him is emotionally erect, on this day, Tue 4 May 2010, 16:33, closed)