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This is a question Never Meet Your Heroes

They're bound to disappoint - like the time we booked Wayne Hussey for the B3ta Radio Show. Five minutes before we're due to record, Wayne
phones, lost on the M25 with his Brazilian wife screaming in the background. Not so much the King of Goth, as a hen-pecked flake.

(, Thu 25 May 2006, 14:17)
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This question is now closed.

Gandalf drinks Stella...
... saw Ian McKellen in the queue next to me at Waitrose in Canary Wharf. Bought the same special offer Stella as me.

He's got a terrificly good dress sense for an OAP. Well, he is a gayer....

(As everbody else just posts whatever celeb they spotted, i'll simply jump on the bandwagon. Haven't even seen LOTR)
(, Thu 1 Jun 2006, 15:22, Reply)
w00t w00t
My best friend met Ville Valo. He made a pass at her. Meanwhile, my friend was a 14-year-old goth bird, and he was a very seriously drunk, loud, misbehaving singer.
She treasures this moment.
(, Thu 1 Jun 2006, 14:47, Reply)
John Wayne
Not me, my dad's mum claims this one. She was in her 30s and working in an ice cream parlour in St. Andrews. John Wayne came in one day and bought some dark cholcolate and a box of cigars. They chatted for a bit. Several scenes for some war film were being filmed not far away, which explained his presence. (No idea which film it was personally).
He was a nice guy according to my grandmother, who was never in the least bit anything less than mentally sharp.
(What I mean is, she didn't make it up).
(, Thu 1 Jun 2006, 14:17, Reply)
Not me again...
My dad told me a story about how he met Bon Jovi in Moscow.

It was still soviet USSR in those days and there were only two hotels that Westerners stayed in. Bon Jovi were playing Moscow at the time and they happened to be staying in the same hotel.

On their last night before leaving for the UK, my dad and his pals had decided to have a bit of a party in the hotel bar and stockpiled as many bottles of vodka as they could. Bon Jovi came back to the hotel after their show to find they couldn't get a drink because the six scousers in the corner had bought it all.

So they came over to try and buy a bottle and get told to either sit down or fuck off. Jon BJ got the hump and went to his room but the rest of the band stayed and joined the party.


I thought it was a bullshit story until I saw the photos...
(, Thu 1 Jun 2006, 13:04, Reply)
Not me...
My mate picked up Simon Pegg in his taxi once. Tried to start a conversation as you do and got told to shut the fuck up.

Guess it was that time of the month although I have heard elsewhere that Pegg is a cock.
(, Thu 1 Jun 2006, 12:43, Reply)
Samantha Morton.....
...the psychic girl from 'Minority Report'walking down Oxford Street with badly dyed black hair, bawling her eyes out.

Woody Allen in South Kensington sitting on the pavement during filming eating out of bright orange take away containers with the rest of the crew of some Scarlett Johanssen film. He had the body of a withered 8 year old boy.

Both immensely talented and both looking incredibly morose.
(, Thu 1 Jun 2006, 11:14, Reply)
Alan Rickman-absolute gent
Met Alan Rickman at The Barbican when I went to see Hamlet starring the tiny Michael Maloney. Mr Rickman was standing near the bar so two friends and myself approached. He happily signed an autograph and had a conversation about his tight tight costume he had to wear the next day...*dribbles* Thoroughly nice chap.Nice one. Also met Bewitched on an AerLingus flight. Nice girls.
(, Thu 1 Jun 2006, 11:04, Reply)
Angelina Jolie
adopted me.

so ner.
(, Thu 1 Jun 2006, 10:52, Reply)
Aaah .. almost forgot
Ronnie Size - an absolute cunt.

I was in a club with a musician friend, and over walks Ronnie Size. It turns out my friend knows him quite well, and introduces me. Then, said friend says I won't be a minute, and goes off for a piss, leaving me and Mr Size standing there next to the bar.

I thought I may as well make some polite conversation. What followed is probably the rudest, most twatty exchange I have ever had in my entire life.

Me - 'So, how long have you known xxx?'
Size - '...' (blatantly ingnores me, tuts, and looks at the floor)

At this point, I though he might have a hearing problem. Cue 5 more polite conversation starters, with RS completely ignoring each one in turn, oozing nasty attitude, and staring at the floor, occasionally shaking his head and smiling in a 'you are not worthy', pitiful manner. Eventually, I just came out and asked him if I'd done something to offend him, at which point he .... tutted and stared at the floor some more. I was gobsmacked.

My friend came back, finished off the conversation, and RS went off somewhere. I told my friend what happened. He said ' Sorry about that. He is actually widely known as a complete cunt, and I only talk to him in case he has any work going.'

Fucking twat.
(, Thu 1 Jun 2006, 9:47, Reply)
Don't care
When i was about 5 i was mad on the Care Bears.
One half term we went to Brighton and i was strolling down the seafront when out of nowhere, i saw the Carebears cloud car come hurtling towards me. I screamed and run away back to my mum. The driver of the cloudcar (who was dressed as Lucky bear; my favourite) jumped out and said somthing along the lines of 'I can't see fuck all with this head on' and took the carebear head off. Me and my sister started crying because we thought the guy had killed lucky bear.
We got free tickets to the Care Bears LIVE! at the Brighton Centre for all the upset so it wasn't all bad.
(, Thu 1 Jun 2006, 9:00, Reply)
I Met..
Zodiac Mindwarp, He was slumped on the bar in the old camden palace in 1987, When he did stir what he said might as well been in chinese as I couldn't understand a word of it, then he went back to slumping, Was gutted at the time but now looking back, It just added to his coolness value as the greatest rock star ever. My dad took me to meet Alvin Stardust when i was a nipper & got to sit on his knee, Looking back, just glad Garry Glitter wasnt there, Alvin was alright, just seemed a bit odd seeing a man dresses like he did hanging around a car showroom. Status Quo nicked my cigarettes when i was 13, I was not amused! My great uncle was a well known stuntman & was one of the birdmen in Flash Gordon!! He was also in the guiness book of records for the highest jump onto a 6ft square landing pad surrounded by spears...blah blah..

aplogies for something but cant quite grasp it..
(, Thu 1 Jun 2006, 8:31, Reply)
Lennox Lewis
I was in Las Vegas around the time of Lewis' title fight with Rahman at the MGM Grand.

So I'm leaving my hotel one morning and walking through the Casino floor when this huge great big Canadian/Cockney fella barges into me. I look at him and point my finger and shout at him. He looks back and says "I can do what I want, I'm Lennox Lewis". Well I wasn't taking that! I punched him in the face and he went flying back into a fruit machine, knocking it over.

Then he comes at me, trying to jab and hook. I skillfully dodge each punch before laying him out again with a kung-fu kick to his chest. By this point a crowd has gathered around, clapping and chanting "fight, fight". They've formed a circle around me and Lennox.

Lennox gets up again and swings wildly. I twat him right in the head with my forearm and follow it with an uppercut which knocked him straight out. He groggily opened his eyes and started crying, begging me not to hurt him anymore. I shrugged my shoulders and walked away to the cheers of the crowd.

I've also beaten up Mike Tyson, Joe Frazer and George Foreman.

Yes I have.
(, Thu 1 Jun 2006, 7:59, Reply)
Disappointing... for the hero.
Two mates of mine were lurking on the street on day having a cigarette (each) when international roots singing superstar Ben Harper approaches, wearing a large furry coat, big sunglasses and accompanied by two minders.
"Look!" screams one mate, "It's Macy Gray!"
Both then double up laughing while the two large minder glare menacingly and and outraged Ben scuttles off.
(, Thu 1 Jun 2006, 3:54, Reply)
This may never have happened...
Do you ever have memories that you aren't sure are real?
Well I have a vague recollection of meeting Warrick Davis of 'Willow' fame (a top movie from childhood) at a games convention in London when I was wee. Think he was playing some new card game or other.
If it was real then good on him, may have been a freakishly real dream though which is disappointing, I guess.
Does that count?
(, Thu 1 Jun 2006, 2:07, Reply)
Blues heroes
Met Stevie Ray Vaughan after his last (only?) gig in Manchester ... now he was a really nice bloke. We blagged our way onto his tour bus to chat and do the autograph hunty thing.

John Lee Hooker was a miserable cunt though, he can fuck right off.

Fucking miserable twat.

Fuck off John Lee Hooker.
(, Thu 1 Jun 2006, 1:55, Reply)
This question has deviated horribly, but whatever.
Roni Size nicked half of my pizza, the tosser.

I was loitering in the promoter's office of the QMU after Roni's gig, having previously ordered in food. Roni walks in, chats briefly, makes a b-line for my pizza and scuttles to safety with a hefty chunk of it. Bah!
(, Thu 1 Jun 2006, 1:14, Reply)
Women's Wrongs
Me and some friends were standing chatting in Cambridge's University Library (a huge, redbrick cock of a building) when a grey-haired woman came rushing past us, and down the stairs to the exit. This uncommonly brisk and impolite passer-by was accompanied, roughly five seconds later, by a putrefying smell best described as the 'bowels of hell'. It was only at that point that we all put the face to a name.

Germaine Greer had guffed in our corridor. It was terrible.
(, Wed 31 May 2006, 23:41, Reply)
ahhh bisto.
I've just had the best shit ever... One of the laviathons that seems to never end, and then dissapears into the murky depths with ne'er a splash... miraculously requiring no wiping.

Now I'm sat here, complimenting the bliss with a glass of whiskey... Here's to quality turdage.

*************************************

Sorry.. Just felt the need to share.... Carry on!!
(, Wed 31 May 2006, 23:32, Reply)
my hero was wayne sleep
wayne sleep is a ballet dancer from plymouth and i met him in the swallow (local) one time, he seemed really nice at first but then as i went to the shitter he folowed me, there was 2 coin (unbeknown to me, glued...)on the floor, as i went to pick it up i felt my trackys slip down and a slimy penis start to penetrate me, i turned around shocked as wayne ran away screaming like a mincer, from that day forward i never went to watch his ballet recitals or the young mens christian association with him ever again, ever.
(, Wed 31 May 2006, 22:26, Reply)

About 3 or 4 years ago Murderdolls' guitarist Acey Slade did a guitar workshop in Guildford. I went and he signed a poster for me and he was just lovely.

Last year I went to see Nightwish at the Astoria and whilst hanging around outside the venue I met 4 members of their support band, Tristania. They all gave me an autograph. And then Nightwish's bassist Marco Heitala walked straight past me.

Gonna be meeting Dragonforce soon hopefully. They're doing a signing tent at Download. Woo!!
(, Wed 31 May 2006, 21:01, Reply)
Good long ball...
I live in Madrid and went with a friend to see a testimonial match at the Bernebau stadium. Real Madrid playing no-hope-united. Anyway all the Real stars were on for the first half/quarter/just long enough to show their faces and not get their metatarsels broken: Zidane, Raul, Beckham etc etc.
We stayed to see the second half ("Real Madrid seconds still thrashing no-hope-united") then left just befor the final whistle.
Just outside the stadium there's a Burger King and we walked down to it.. or would have done if about a milion pubic-hair free japanese ladies (as in: girls) hadn't ran past us into the road.
I walked on minding my own business... or would have done is I hadn't had to fall back due to a dark looking Audi screaching to a stop beside me. I did the English thing and said "look where you're going you blind cunt!". The response was a sneer, a V sign and a sharp pull away... followed by the pubic-hair-free mob. This perplexed me.
I dusted myself down and walked on.
My mate came up (he was sensible and waited for the masses to pass), grinning like an idiot (not too hard for him truth be said). I mumbled about audi owning cunts etc etc.
He looked horrified...
"Did you see who was driving that?"
"No and I don't fucking care the wanker didn't stop!"
"That was Beckham..."
He's the England captain, he's a decent chance of holding the world cup this year and he's a top bloke.. but for that few seconds.... he was the cunt of the world.
(, Wed 31 May 2006, 20:32, Reply)
Nic Faldo
For better or worse, my dad really wanted me to play golf. He bought me a set of half size clubs to get me started, but unfortunately I was shit, and it sort of fizzled out very quickly. However, I did absorb a certain amount of information about who was Famous at Golf.

I went to Vietnam with Mrs Expf a few years ago, and as we picked up our bags from the luggage belt, who should I see, but Nic Faldo. I was about to tap him on the shoulder as he was waiting for his bags too, to ask for an autograph. Unfortunately, it coincided with him picking up his golf clubs from the belt (I kid you not) swiging round, and knocking me flat on my arse. Was wearing my recently collected rucksack at the time, so toppled over with some force, and bruised my coccyx. I couldn't sit in comfort for a week, including on the loo, so every time I have a poo now, I think of him - Captain of the Ryder Cup team.
(, Wed 31 May 2006, 20:23, Reply)
I'm afraid I've got a nice one
I've only met one hero as such and it was a very good experience. So this won't make the newsletter, but I would like to pay testament to a very nice man, and I doubt there'll be a b3ta newsletter about friendly people, as it won't make for such good stories. It's still b3ta-worthy though, as it involves knobs, and kiwi fruit.

When I was a child (about 12) one of my favourite songs was Unbelieveable by EMF. As luck would have it, many many years later, I got to interview the guitarist from EMF as part of his new band Whistler (who by the way, were excellent). Rumour had it that during their wild EMF days, the singer, Zak had started a competition about what the largest fruit you could stick down your foreskin was. It started with a grape, and - the rumour went - ended up with a kiwi fruit.

So there I am, interviewing the one person who could confirm or deny this story. So I had to ask.

He looked at me with a world-weary smile, and replied, "Good grief. Eight years later, and I'm still answering questions about Zak's dick."

He was a thoroughly nice guy, and I applaud him to this day for putting up with this ex-half-arsed-music-journo with such patience, and for answering my knob question.
(, Wed 31 May 2006, 20:13, Reply)
old spurs stars and MICHAEL JACKSON!!!!!
my father is a massive tottenham hotspurs fan, and was ecstatic when he got given two complimentary tickets to a spurs charlton game, with a meal beforehand in the steve perryman suite. got to meet steve perryman, and a couple of other spurs legends, and central defender michael dawson, who was suspended. so not my heroes really, but impressive all the same AND i saw chirpy the spurs mascot, and got a picture! (i'm 16 so this was not unnacceptable *looks around shiftily*

also saw who i thought was michael jackson in a mcdonalds in cardiff. of course it wasn't michael jackson, just a man who i thoroughly harrassed and shouted micael jack after numerous times. this all happened when i was about 6, so not tottally unacceptable for my lack of subtlety.

apologies for length, i didn't know it was this big. first time you see.....
(, Wed 31 May 2006, 19:36, Reply)
I was once introduced to Rolf Landauer.
Picture the scene...

Mike: "Rolf, this is (haberman)"
Rolf: /nods vaguely
Mike: "He is doing his PhD with Peter D"
Rolf: /sudden recognition

I assume he had realised I was the guy who'd recently written a quantum follow-up to his classic 1961 paper "Frequency factors in the thermally activated process". Either that, or I'm imagining the whole thing. Now that'd be disappointing.

Rolf Landauer?
(, Wed 31 May 2006, 19:09, Reply)
David Blunkett grabbed my arse
...the filthy old bastard.

Was he ever in for a shock later that evening.
(, Wed 31 May 2006, 19:07, Reply)
Dinner with Pratchett
I took Terry Pratchett out for dinner at uni to interview him for the union paper (someone else was supposed to do it, but I "forgot" to tell him about it and went and did it myself). Top bloke, very funny, rude about lots of other writers. Though you do have to stop yourself from sniggering when he first starts talking as he sounds like David Bellamy after a few goes on a helium balloon.
(, Wed 31 May 2006, 18:12, Reply)
Mr Bronson aka M Sheard R.I.P.
My brother and i went to Weston Super Mare for some kind of comic geekery, and wondered into a room full of Geek heroes eg Keeny Baker, some of the Dr Who ladies, Mon Mothma, jeremy Bullock,Wickett Warwick, Admiral Piatt,Prowse...but special *UNNG** was saved for Michael Sheard who played Mr Bronson and Hitler and was murdered by Darth Vader.

Anyways, my brother paid 20 for his autograph, and I had an idea to get him to bellow "KENDALL!" into my MP3 player...but was too much of a *UUNG* to ask, so my brother asked if he wouldn't mind obliging...Mr Sheard (to my eternal respect ) replied in perfect diction "If you pay me my 20, I'll do anything you like" - we did, so he did, and now his voice eternally announces the launching of Windows XP at home.

What a nice chap he was...shame he died.
The whore....

*UNNG* That noise you make as you shit yourself seeing someone famous...and freeze
(, Wed 31 May 2006, 16:37, Reply)

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