Classy lads and classy ladies...
Back as a graduate trainee, me and a friend from work had been drinking since lunchtime, other than a cursory trip back to the office which had resulted in our boss telling us to get back outside as we were incapable of looking sober and there were important folk about.

Yay! More beer time!

Go out drinking again, get bored of the pub around 7, and remember there's an indie club nearby that does pitchers of cocktail for about a tenner during Happy Hour (which is, indeed, now).

Pitcher of pina colada. Nice.

Pitcher of Long Island Ice Tea. Nice

Pitcher of Sex on the Beach. Not feeling so great any more.

Back on the pina colada. Still not good.

We decide to leave, so I go and get the coats and come back to find that in the time I've been queueing for the cloakroom my friend has taken his half-finished jug of pina colada and got chatting to this monster of a woman. I don't mean to be cruel, but -being cruel anyway- she was a beast. I fall into chatting to her friends as the two of them wander out on the dancefloor and start getting it on - him still with jug in hand.

After about ten minutes, I'm fed up of making small talk, so nip in to drag him off while she's in the loo.

'Come on mate - we're leaving.'
'No we're fucking not - I'm going home with Sarah'
(Pause)
'Are you sure?'
'Yes'

Even when HER friends joined in and tried to persuade him it was a bad idea, he wasn't having any of it. I flounced out...

'On your head be it...'

Well, I reassured myself, I've done as much as can be expected and he seems to know what he's doing so maybe he likes that sort of lady. I went home and sank into a deep sleep.

Then I got a call at half-five in the morning.

'Snowy?' (his voice breaking with tears)
'Yes, what's up?'
'What.. what..' (sniffle) 'what the fuck happened to me?'
'You went home with a huge woman'
'I know, but... (sobbing) can you just come and get me - please?'
'At half five in the morning? Pissed? Where from anyway?'
'I don't know'
'Can't you find out?'
'No'
'Why?'
'I'd have to wake her up'
'So?'
'Last night, I tried to do her up the bum and she shat on me, and I don't think I can look her in the eye.'

I hung up.
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Wed 8 Apr 2009, 15:52, 5 replies)

Yes

Wins!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 8 Apr 2009, 16:01, closed)

*click*
Ha ha! I do hope that this is true!
(nonstopdancer, Wed 8 Apr 2009, 16:06, closed)

Oooh, that was cold

(TheWonderfulWombat It came to me in a dream., Wed 8 Apr 2009, 20:25, closed)

I'm sorry...
"Pitchers, or it didn't happen?"
(The Incredible Sulk Finally remembered his password on, Wed 8 Apr 2009, 22:12, closed)

Ouch!
You should be sorry.
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Wed 8 Apr 2009, 23:24, closed)