Only just remembered
Holy fuck, how did I not recall this before? This needs to be in here.

Just over a year ago I was in Cardiff's premier student spot, Solus nightclub in the student union. I was out with my newly agreed housemates on a pre-living-together outing when I spotted a girl being strangled.

Seriously, some dickhead had a belt round her neck on the dancefloor. I went over and with my customary good grace told him to "fuck off and stop being such a fucking knob".

(in another bravado-related incident a couple of months beforehand I had told a group of lairy chavs to "CALM THE FUCK DOWN" at the top of my voice. Surprisingly, they did)

Well, the girl was very grateful. And her friend was very appreciative. Her friend also had something about her that I found extremely attractive, and to wit, I spent a few minutes working my frankly resistable charm. And lo and behold, it worked, and vigorous tongueplay took place for much of the rest of the night.

I'd forgotten her name, of course. So when her friend came to the bar while we were buying drinks later and said "So.. you and Nicola blah blah blah whocaresimnotlisteninganymoreyoujustgotmeoutofahole" I was very happy. Still, I fancied more.

Now this is where it gets interesting. Anyone ever read a book called the Dice Man? If you haven't, it's about a guy who governs his life by rolling dice for every decision he makes and then does what the dice command.

Now while I wasn't going to go as far as he did (I'm not into rape and murder) I had thought it would be a good way to decide things I don't care about - which drink do I want? Which club do we go to? etc - and maybe inject a bit of spontaneity into my life, which had become rather stale and shit since a bad break-up the previous year.

So at this point, I had two dice in my pocket.

A plan formed. A few minutes later, with a mischievous smile, I laid my trap.

"So... tell me, have you ever wanted to be more spontaneous?"
"Well, of course, why?"
"I'm going to roll these two dice. Less than five, we go and have sex now. Less than ten, we wait until later. More than ten, we don't have sex tonight. Deal?"
"...yeah, okay."

In like Flynn! I am a golden God! I am the Prince Of Punani! I am flying by the pre-emptive feeling of my balls ridding themselves of 10cc of unnecessary semen. The more mathematically-minded of you may also notice that I had strategically put the odds utterly in my favour, insofar as there was a mere 1 in 12 chance of failure to get myself well and truly laid that night.

...rolled a fucking 11.
(cypherspace is not a toaster, Wed 15 Apr 2009, 17:22, 14 replies)

You, Sir
are a tosspot.

Should've said best of three.

Great post, though. Cheers
( SpankyHanky, Wed 15 Apr 2009, 17:25, closed)

Heheh
Just remembered (again) - I actually did say "Oh fuck! Right, you didn't see that one, right? Let's try again" and rolled another 11.

I should probably also add that she did come back with me anyway, but that I kept true to the dice... for that night.
(cypherspace is not a toaster, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 12:04, closed)

a ha ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha *snort* ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha etc.

You poor sod. Have a sympathy click.
( admiral crunch holds the newsreader's nose squarely, Wed 15 Apr 2009, 17:26, closed)

I rather think that should have been...
... not fucking 11!

A fine tale, for which I can offer only a meagre click as commiseration.
( Ugi , it's a game of give and cake, Wed 15 Apr 2009, 17:51, closed)

Is anyone else thinking what I'm thinking?
Yeah it's a good story and all. Decent spelling and grammar. Didn't spot any mistakes. Nice humour and good back anecdotes.

But wait. What's this? At the end? A complete fucking fuckity fuck up.

Surely you were left with a 2 in 11 chance of cockular disappointment? One is not a possible outcome on 2 die leaving 11 possibilities two of which are above 10.

And what happens if you get 10?! You said sex if less than ten and no sex if more than ten. Where's 10?!

No click for you, Sah! If I'd been that girl I would have bitten your penis off to teach you a lesson.
(vibrating tuna, Wed 15 Apr 2009, 18:14, closed)

Fair enough!
Oops, you're right, I cocked that bit up. I wrote "less than five" and "less than ten" but I actually said "five or less" and "ten or less".

As for the 11 possibilities, they have different probabilities. There's a 1 in 6 chance of getting 7, 1 in 9 of getting 6 or 8, for example. 11 & 12 have a combined chance of 3/36 or 1 in 12. And yes, I computed this all on the dancefloor.
(cypherspace is not a toaster, Wed 15 Apr 2009, 18:39, closed)

Basically you layed a 12/1 shot and got gibbed
So put in a fail safe - 'any five showing and its a re-roll'. If you roll 6s, time to give it up imo
(bacontrout got ska, Wed 15 Apr 2009, 19:14, closed)

Or save on valuable pocket space
and flip a coin.

Great tale. Keep it up *click*
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 15 Apr 2009, 20:39, closed)

"Heads your place"
"Tails mine"?*


*(Err, I am not actually propositioning you personally of course)
(Richy_T hundreds if not thousands of dollars, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 15:23, closed)

Dammit
Why did I try and be clever with maths?
(vibrating tuna, Wed 15 Apr 2009, 23:00, closed)

Prince of Punani!
ROFLMAO!!11111!
(grandmasterfluffles Come to my Armageddon party on, Wed 15 Apr 2009, 22:09, closed)

next time
bring some dodgy dice, click
(knackerz is skinning up, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 2:19, closed)

I tried following the way of the dice for a bit...
...And that is how I ended up eating a entire jar of pesto. I had breath that could cut through steel for a week!
(Milo Minderbinder, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 9:49, closed)

That's not 11.
That's a 5 and a 6 :)
(Richy_T hundreds if not thousands of dollars, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 15:10, closed)